Weight Issue

Weight Issue

I’ve always been battling with weight issues since I was young. As long as I can remember, I’ve never been thin before (like normal thin or thinner than normal). I’ve always been chubby or fat or slightly meaty and I hate it so much. I hate going to a relative’s house and hear the same old “wah fatter already!” or hear people calling me fat. When I was 12, I had a birthday party in my house and invited all my ‘close’ friends. Before they left, they sat in a circle and sang me a song. It went like this:

Suet li suet li sangat gemuk!! Selalu makan dan jadi semakin gemuk!!

In the tune of the mat kool mat kool kawanku song. I was 12, it was my birthday and I got humiliated by my friends in front of my other relatives. Everyone laughed and so did I but little did anyone know how hurt I was inside. I told myself that I’ll always always remember that day cause one day, I’ll be the thinnest of them all and I can in turn laugh at them back. (failed)

During the holidays when I was 12/13/14, we would stay with our grandparents. My grandma would always make maggi mee for my siblings at night when they were hungry and forbid me from touching any of it. She’d also force me to jump on the trampoline outside the house while watching them slurp their maggi inside T___T sometimes, when everyone was outside playing, she’d make me do the jumping rope thingy and she’d sit there and watch me jump my fats away. I hated trampolines and ropes ever since.

When I was 15, I told myself that I cannot let myself be the butt of all jokes anymore. Guys calling me wildboar was too cruel for me to bear so during the holidays, I willingly tried losing weight. I cycled up and down the hill everyday while singing to my heart’s content, I built a basketball ring and board with wires and wood and practiced my lay up everyday and I even use the dunno what rolling machine that will tone your abs. Then, I went back to school and started a basketball team and joined the school’s track team with one goal: lose as much weight as possible. So in that one year, I lost about 8kg.

Yeah so I’ve always had an issue with my weight. My biggest secret after the one about my imaginary bf is that I’ve always wanted to be anorexic. I wish that I can cut my food up and not eat it, that I’ll be thin as hell and yet still feel fat so nobody will ever say I’m fat anymore. But sadly it never happened. I did try cutting my food to a million pieces but ended up eating everything =.= I tried hardcore exercise but always ate a lot after that so haih plan failed.

I swear I have superpower ok and my power is that I have a stomach made of steel..worst power ever. Aud told me when she gets diarrhea, she’ll lose a lot of weight and I’ve been waiting for the day I get diarrhea but either my stomach is way too strong or even if I do get diarrhea, I don’t lose weight at all. My bro has worms so he’s always thin and I always wish I’m the one with the worms instead but haih worms also lose to my stomach T__T

I’ve tried leftovers, spicy food, dirty food, accidentally ter-ate my nose shit (WTF DON’T ASK) but I will never get diarrhea lor! I only had food poisoning once in my life but I recovered 3 hours after that. When I got the worst fever in my life, I couldn’t eat for a week and yet I didn’t lose any weight.

So anyway why am I talking about all this cause I just found out an orange has 70 calories each T_________________________________________T and I just ate 6 oranges again today seriously I’m destined to never be thin. Yalah I know everyone sure damn unhappy cause I’m complaining even though I don’t look fat but that’s only cause obviously I won’t post unflattering pictures of myself. You have no idea how truly big my tummy is even after all that years of hardcore exercising. And my stupid ribcage and bones are so big until dunno what so I can never have a slim stature ok T_T

The worst thing is today when I finally weighed myself after a month of going to gym 3/4 times a week and eating less, I found out that I gained weight T_____T how is this possible you tell me is someone playing some sort of funny game on me ah! *memories of suet li suet li sangat gemuk and jumping on trampoline flooding back wtf T___T

I give up lah sigh I’ll just do whatever I want and weigh whatever lah I don’t care anymore! This battle with my weight is officially over! *lies to self wtf

I really just wanna be slim is that too much to ask for! I don’t wanna be meaty and yet so flat and have no curves! If meaty and well-endowed and got curves then nevermind la this one all also don’t have got one big lump which is my tummy only sigh.

*anticlimactic ending cause too sleepy already