• http://sweatlee.com sweatlee

    testing private post

  • kai tzin

    i don’t think every family will be glued together forever wtf.

    Suet, it’s not a bad thing that money is spent on you, and your sis’&bro’ will never have the chance to study abroad. Possibilities are all around, they will get it – study or working abroad. and who knows that they’ll do themselves well over here too right?
    my dad works in the construction industry in a foreign country too i.e. singapore wtf. yes he comes home every weekend on average, all because of good currency exchange and a much systematic environment.
    remember Clem’s plurk which he asked about the leaving house etc.? i thought that even if one family member was away from home, a simple conversation over the technology would be enough. and of course, going home to see’em once in a while.
    i will tell you what you don’t wanna hear ‘cuz that’s what many of us are going to do too. :)
    suddenly had this song in my head, from Across The Universe : Let it be~ let it be~ let it be~ let it be

    i thought that “letting things be” would do great at times, but must making things constructive/with more support also la. :P

    p/s: i’m not good at articulating my thoughts. soli ah. you take good care over there bitch. xoxo

  • sibz

    heya girly… i know im in no position to say this BUT.

    you’ve done really well so far; i know exactly how you feel. what will you do when you get out? will you be better than all the other people in uni who are smarter and better than you? will you get paid doing what you do?

    you know, these are questions i asked myself just a month ago. i know it doesnt seem like it’s worth all the effort at the moment, but you know what? it is. it’s toally worth it! just think how proud your siblings will be when their big sis gets out of uni and have the most amazing job ever! they would look up to you, and as cheesy as this may sound, they will definitely see you as a role model and would wnat to work as hard as you did so that they will come out doing what they love to as well!

    we all do things we think is stupid sometimes. like when i had the hugest argument with my mum cos i wanted to do vet, and she didnt think it would do any good. it’s sad to say that until today i still have doubts about wanting to study animals instead of other “useful” things, but come to think of it. it’s been a blast and i love doing what i do! so what if at the end of it all i do is polish animal heads and get paid a minimal wage? i’d still be doing what i want. and the same goes for you; if this is really what you want, then you should go for it. you’re already half way there, and you’re doing an amazing job at it!

    right now you’re prolly thinking that your siblings should be there instead of you, and that you dont deserve to be there, but you know what? you do deserve every bit of it, you’ve worked so hard for it, and if anything, it should make your younger ones work doubly hard so that if they really wanna go study overseas, they can.

    i’ve written a novel so i guess i’ll stop now. dont give it up just yet, suet! remember, you’ve done an amazing job, and just remember that it’s all worth it in the end! and here’s a huge virtual hug from the country down under =) *HUG*

  • http://www.chibidwee.blogspot.com Dwee

    As I was reading your post, I said to myself, “If I were the one who wrote this, I wouldn’t want others to comfort my with empty words bcuz it would be a bit annoying. How would they understand?”

    And what surprised me was, I do understand cause I have almost the similar background as you. My dad worked and stayed in US since I was borned. I’ve got a lot of things that my sister never had. I feel horrible that sometimes my dad is treating me better than he is my sis. Parents are about to retire and I am only in my second year of uni and my sis is 5 years younger than me.

    But seriously la. Do you think ar, that thinking about all this will make you feel happier ar? All this, “what will happen if I don’t get a job?” “wasting money” are all ‘what if’s.’

    I don’t think I have the right to say this since I don’t know you that well. But remember la, this wave of uphappiness is only for the time being. I’ve been reading your blog for these several months, and you give out nothing but vibes and vibes of happiness with your ‘wtf’ posts every now and then lo.

    Believe that these things will pass. If you feel bad for you sis, prove to YOURSELF that you could take care of her. If you feel that your family are not showing enough love towards each other, when you get the chance, spend as much time doing WHATEVA with them as much as you can. That is also showing love lo.

    And let me tell you la, studying oversea is definitely a good decision. Like you said, you worked hard for this position rite? When you go back M’sia, when you are looking for a job you stand out a lot more compared to other applicants lo. And if you are lucky, you might get a job in US that wil transfer you to M’sia and still pay you USD.

    I always tell ppl and I am telling you now. I believe that now you may feel unlucky/sad/wateva, but once this is over, lucky/happiness is right behind. It always makes me feel much better. Hope it helps you too ^^ *hugz*

  • http://www.saigoheiki.com clem

    we are oddly alike in so many ways wtf. i can identify with the “don’t show love to family”, younger brother eugene always like the black sheep of the family.. etc.

    i am much reminded by this quote: “money is not everything, but everything needs money”.

    the US downward-spiralling economy is seriously hurting me financially, and i am, for once, shaken up for real today. i still am trying to gather my thoughts so as not to press the panic button yet.

    this is advice that my mum dispensed to me, that i am now dispensing back to you: don’t quit studying till you get your degree, because nearly every job these days require a degree. and about you studying in the US, you DO have an advantage for studying in a foreign country, what with the nearly priceless experience that you’re getting. the immersion in a different culture there.. etc. just persevere la you only have what 2-3 years more left is it? time really flies you know..

    and i also am wondering why education is so fucking expensive. it’s so ridiculous when you think of it sometimes. :/

  • http://jessieloi.blogspot.com jessieloi

    Suet, never think that your family is broken.

    Realise that our parents are willing to do anything for us. You are there for yourself, and for your family. Because education is important, and your family wants what is best for you. Yeah sure, you might stay here and do form 6, but is that what you really want? If you are gonna end up being unhappy imagine how your parents will feel.

    You guys know my dad’s not working now, only my mum is. I went to form 6 by choice, and even so, I am not sure if my parents are able to pay for private college for my younger sis cause education is expensive and it increases every year. Yet, despite having these financial constraints, my parents insisted I apply for Singapore because I wanted to go there. If I got accepted, it would have been a huge burden to my family.

    Point is, our parents sacrifice ALOT for us. To just quit, is not the answer. You have to go on studying, and go get what you are striving for. Believe me, that’s the best way to repay our parents. My mum said to me before “Money does not matter, you do” I almost cried when she said that.

    My family is not one who shows their love too, but I know they love me and that’s the most important. SO hang on there dear. Don’t treat yourself so hard. You deserve to be there, and you’ll get the best out of your education there. believe that your parents think so too.

  • http://sarahloy.blogspot.com may

    ya, every family has their own situation n stuff…
    i can say that i’m real lucky becoz my bro manage to get into MAS n that has help my parents alot in their burden..
    if my bro didn’t get into MAS, i don think i can have private edu now…

    though i have my bro’s money to support my edu, i’m always thinking bout money..haha…u all can see by how i spent my money..
    nvr ask my parents for money and all…everytime all i think is that i’m using damn huge amount of money d…so i have to spent less…
    but my parents pulak always give me money which i don wan…
    they somehow know that i like something but kept quiet…and they will get it for me…
    this makes me love them much more than ever…but haha..i did not show them that i love them too…
    donno how to show la…and sometimes it’s kinda awrkward…

    so suet, i think u just have to do ur best in whatever u are doing now..(of coz have some fun as well)
    i think no matter what ur parents n siblings said, they will be happy for u and glad that u r their daughther n sis =)

  • hL

    wow. u guys commented to so long =).

    hugs.

    thats all u need to have a clear mind to make your decisions in life =)

  • http://www.ahbu74.blogspot.com Ping Ping

    Eh, instead of saying from the-perfect-one’s point of view, I am actually the-not-perfect-one. She was a JPA scholar and I am studying in local uni. I got high school teacher asking me why I can’t I be like my second sister because she was a top scorer and I was the average one. The first thing you should do is kill all those high school teachers. Ok, kidding. XD

    Anyway, after reading this post, I have totally changed my view on you leh. I always ask my sis, how come suetli, audrey, pinkpau they all so rich one? And how come they kind of know what they want and like damn keng in it one? Pinkpau, suetli and I same age leh, how come I so jauh ketinggalan one? Ok la, you two still very keng and I still very jauh ketinggalan but certainly changed my view on “how come suetli so rich but so kiamsiap-i-like one?”

    You should tell your sister that you love her, and give her surprise presents. =)) I love it when my sis does it for it. Besides, I am sure she will be sad that she is less perfect but she knows that you love her. I am sad cause everyone compares my sis and I but I never doubt her love for me. She gets to go holidays to Europe and such but aiya, what to do? Government dowan to sponsor me. XD

    ps: This comparing gets worst when she is so much prettier *roll eyes* and smaller. T.T

  • http://bryanlyt.com bryanlyt

    ohh my my~ i understand ur feelings. cheer up suet (=

  • http://www.xanga.com/missycheerio missycheerio

    I’ve known you since i was 10 years old,same goes for Jessica. I could still recall the baked beans with eggs and potatoes i had at your place for lunch,and how Jason would go bum around with Wen Zhi after Puan Chia’s tuition and to make it sound a little more spooky i can even remember your mum’s car plate number wtf.I’m sure the amount of what if’s,should have’s or could have been will come haunt you,but suet its pointless.

    I’ve lost touch with your family updates during high school but at least you pulled it off well,and make a good role model right? I’ve seen so much of family love,and you’re one tough cookie since you young not having your dad around most of the time,as i remembered.Everything will be worth it in the end,maybe not as of right now; family bond is unbreakable.You made me tear a little okay,knowing you.

    P/S: Can Suet Teng read this? 0.0

  • http://www.phatculture.com Liz

    yeah babe … I can really connect to this. My sister is 14 years older than I am but she does not put a single cent into my education, because when she was young she had to earn her way into college, and gave up halfway because it was too hard and decided to go overseas to work instead. my parents are both retired and they have no income at all – every day I feel guilty and pangs of anger at myself … maybe i shouldn’t have been born so late into their lives right? I’m just an unnecessary burden, and what if I had studied harder for SPM and gotten a scholarship?

    My lecturers tell me to apply to go to the States, but I have to give that up because I know that even with the possible scholarship / loans … it’ll still be a BIG burden to them and I cannot put them through this when they’re in their 60s and are supposed to be relaxing and having an easy time. :(

    and you really don’t need to feel bad about anything. if I had an older sister who would support me, even if only mentally, I’d be really grateful. your family is really lucky to have you… I try so hard but honestly, I fail at every aspect compared to you! you’re my role model la wtf

  • lin

    now i feel more guilty than i already am sigh.

  • http://thexoticeccentric.wordpress.com Jillian

    suet, you’ve been given the privileged and whats beautiful about it is that your realise what got you here and what i holding you here. im sure your sister is the proudest and will one day be able to live her life the way she wanted it to be. it didnt have to match yours.

    your my role model suet to do well everytime and to take care of my younger sister despite our differences. you bring an open mind.

    families are like that, but at the end of the day. the love will always flourish and no mere human can take that away from you and your family.

    god bless. look on the bright side.
    hugs

  • june

    im sure if your sister finds admiration in you, she’ll find her way to become more like you.

    when i was younger, i kept admiring my brother who’s 7 years my senior for his courage and intelligence. i was the less brighter one in the family.. but as i grew older, i learned to develop my own strengths, just so i could be somewhere admirable like him.. and so far, i think i have been fairly successful but i have never told him or anyone about this :)

    suddenly this feels so postsecretish haha

  • http://www.jayelleenelial.com Jayelle

    Hey babes….

    This post is not at all boring. In fact, you’re really opening up here and this is good. .. Ok i kind of sound like a shrink.

    But i think all siblings feel that way about each other. At different points in our lives, we will feel that we’re the one taking too much. But I believe that one should make the most out of what they have, and your sister would not blame you for it if she is matured enough. :) You’re on scholarship. It’s not like you used up a chunk of your parents’ savings to get you there. What you are using are basic necessities and I’m sure with three children, your parents have had proper financial planning to see each child through uni. :) Don’t fret it okay? I don’t know if you’ve talked it out with your parents, but seeing how you can’t hug your parents properly…I suppose it can be difficult to go all heart-to-heart with them.

    And also, no need to be sad. The course she took can actually be pretty prospective. If she excels, it’ll take her all over the world. In a few years’ she would have traveled to more places than her older sister. :) I know this because chee kiang’s older brother is in that line and he and his wife really really enjoy life in the hospitality and tourism line. :) Cheer up, k?

  • SK

    I just want to give you a hug girl.. *Hug* =)

  • http://antzworld.wordpress.com/ annant

    em…
    my Daddy is working in another country also ie. Sg wtf
    my only older sibling is working in Genting
    im here in Sarawak studying…
    and Mami is home alone in Malacca…

    my family is also broken wtf choi! *touch wood*

    my Daddy is cool cool type, seldom show his lurve to us. but we hug and i will kiss him on da cheek whenever he leaves to work…and da same to Mami, my bro and i used to kiss her on da cheek before leaving to school…

    maybe u need to take da first step by hugging Mami…and grab your sis and hug ??practice makes perfect what :D

  • may

    your post is making me cry. =(

    It takes a (Sometimes a few) wrong decision to make the right decision. Your sister could have wasted money and time on the one year on quantity survey but she has found the road she wants to start off ma…and at least she looks like she is enjoying it (based on all your muffins posts)

    Your family is not broken k? becos u know ur father & mother love the family so much, how could it possibly be broken. Until you graduate, you’ll reunite with your family geographically.

    I think you’ve earned all the scholarships and everything by yourself because you saved a lot and worked a lot as well. So cheer up k?

  • http://obs3ssionsz.net Gin

    Awwww… *huggles* but the matter of the fact is ure all ready there. so finish what u started ;p

    kakka. u know u could buy ure sis a ticket to the states for a holiday. she would love that i think =3 and if u can somwhow afford it. maybe do it in sequence lor. like 1 time ure sis. another time ure bro another time ure mum. but in an appropriate time frama la =) okay wad

  • ozzie

    Wow, everyone is giving you such long advice!

    But you’re smart sweetie. I understand why your parents spend so much on you. And I sort of understand how you feel, because after coming to Australia, I try to spend as little money as I can because my parents gave up everything for my sister and I. This is why I hate people who think that my family is rich.

    But I think that it’s okay to show your affections to your family. I hug my mom every second minute lol I must be weird then! I didn’t know that Asian families don’t show affection.

  • Mei

    my eldest sister left to study in aussie from yr11 right up to uni, total of 8 yrs education. my dad has to work and earn every penny just to pay for her edu and the exchange rate is just ridiculous. my 2nd sis and i, being the youngest, had no chance to go abroad like her. we r only here for uni.

    my family is not doing well financially either. mum’s not working. she left her job 10 over yrs ago. dad is 57yrs old this yr and he really really deserve a relaxing retirement. knowing that we could not afford anything, he still insist for us 3 to get education overseas. lucky for us is that we have relatives here and could save a hell lot. but all this will soon come to an end as we need to find our own place to stay due to family issues.

    everyday we have to deal with pressures from relatives on getting our own place to stay. with my eldest sis working for a yr already, we could afford a decent family home for the 3 of us. of course have to take loan.

    this is only my first yr uni and i have to work part time at a restaurant. i only started working during 2nd sem of uni and i have to admit im trying very very hard to survive studying and working at the same time. not easy. but i need to help the family earn $$. and what really upsets me is the fact that my 2nd sis refuses to work to help the family and we’ve been arguing since forever.

    so suet li, never give up ur education okayy? u need the qualifications to earn big bucks! don’t waste the scholarship awarded to u. u deserve that too.

  • michellesy

    How could you say that this post was boring? T_________T

    First things first, okay? *bear hug*

    Now, where was I?

    Yes, I know how you feel babe, I really do. I left Malaysia in 1999 without even doing my pre-u there (in retrospect: wtf was I thinking then, being so heedless and selfish huh?), and I’ve been in Oz ever since.

    Mom’s a single parent and she supported me all these years, and even though I stumbled and fell and struggled all the way, I got through it somehow. And this was without a word of reproach from her either. And my sister joined me in Oz about 4 years ago.

    But by God, the guilt of it all T________T

    I worked part-time every spare minute I got, denied myself all the extras/ fripperies, and tried to tell myself it would be worth it (and it is), but I still felt like the shittiest, most unfilial daughter on earth.

    Especially when I thought about Mom at home alone, with the possibility of God knows what happening to her in KL – y’know the usual spate of rapes/ robberies/ bag snatchings 0______0

    So, in a way, I broke my family too.

    But what your readers said is right you know, cos parents don’t think of it as ‘broken’ – they think of it as stuff they’re doing to ensure their children have a better life?

    So don’t blame yourself hon, because you’re doing the best you can. You WILL get a job when you graduate, and it will be a kickass job cos you’re a MOHO-ian yo wtf. And because you’re you.

    And who the *beep* cares even if it isn’t – cos if I know you, you’ll get ahead, just cos you’re like that okay? And I think (like your parents thought) that you’re too good to be stuck in a dead-end job without tertiary qualifications. It’s all a means to an end, Suet, it really is.

    ps: Mom’s retired and she’s coming over to visit for three months, and I’m gonna pay for everything. And I swear, it was the best feeling in the world to tell her not to bother converting any currency, cos I can take care of the bills now.

    That day will come for you too, Suet, when you will be able to support your family financially and give them what was denied before. And it’ll be all the sweeter because you had to work hard for it.

    pps: And WTF I am getting so emo writing this tome of a reply, you have no idea ok WTF WTF

  • lynette

    hey suet. wow. everyone’s giving a damn long/useful/mature advise *feels so small*

    In my family, i am the youngest girl. My eldest bro studied engineering in KL and furthered to the States. My 2nd bro is a rebel and he is nothing but full of himself. Me? I’m caught in between. I always thought that my eldest bro got everything he ever wanted. I always thought that my parents loved my eldest bro more and me, less.

    It took me quite a while to learn that my eldest bro did not get everything he wanted from my parents. He got what he wanted by studying hard, working shifts for extra cash to survive in KL, stayed in a dirty apartment with 3 other guys who would come back at 4am drunk and NEVER kept the place clean, learned to cook to survive in the states because everything there is so expensive T_T and little did i know that my dad was NEVER satisfied with his acheivements. He worked his way up and this coming Saturday, he’s getting married to an english girl :D

    You’ve worked hard for this. Maybe your sister should also work hard for what she wants. I’m working hard for myself. Though i wont be going to the states to further my studies, thats okay. Because what matters most is that i work hard for my future. PS: i am also working shifts to get extra $$ because i dont like asking $$ from my parents. As if they dont have enough to pay for.

    But anyway, the point is, you shouldnt feel bad about what you’ve acheived. You can still fix things and talk to your sister and say things that you never really did come around to saying. Like telling her about what you’ve been through and it hasnt been smooth sailing all the time for you as well. Dont take it so hard on yourself alright? Exams are near and you should concentrate on that T_T Which reminds me… i have to study T___________T

    take care suet *hugz*

  • purplerose

    Hello there, Suet :)

    I’m the youngest in the family and I didn’t get to go overseas for my education while all my other siblings did. During that time, I could see my dad working so hard to feed the family as well as paying the monthly installments for here & there. I graduated few years back. Although at times I might envy my siblings & friends that had the chance to go overseas for the education, at the end of the day, deep down inside, I’m happy for them because I love them & I want the best for them.

    Don’t worry, Suet. I’m sure your sis loves you as much as you do to her. But do remember when the day you have the money, 10 or 20 years later (who cares, right?) bring her to where you have been before. :) And oh, blood is always thicker than water, she’ll understand :)

  • kai tzin

    *everybody hugs/cheers suet*

    :D :D

  • pineappletart

    hi suet..my family is not all together-gether as well. my dad’s working in ipoh, my bro’s studying in KL and its only me & my mom here in kuantan. but just because we’re apart doesn’t mean we’re broken so please don’t feel that way about your family too. i don’t know you personally but i hope you’ll accept this: *hugs*

    and im sure you’re family will be glad to know how appreciated they are and how much they mean to you in your life. =)

  • val

    I used to cannot stand it when my mum wants to hold my hand while we were out. Over the years, after so many years I have spent “outside” alone, I learn to show her some love by holding her hand, telling her nice things etc. It was a little awkward too when my mum hugged me when I left for Aussie lol especially when she had tears in her eyes but was trying hard to not let them fall.

    My brother was the smart one and he was also the one who got to do anything he wanted. He switched course 2 times and quit his masters half way. He got everything he wanted, materially. I was forced into doing some course I never wanted to but hey! I got over it and accepted the fact and am living with it. I guess everyone learns from hard times.

    My family was perfect too :) until my dad died and my bro went to Aus and I went to KL and mum often stayed in Taiwan. Oh well. Its just hard times. I hope you get through it. *hugs*

  • http://leequin.wordpress.com quin

    suet,

    don’t cry over the past, try to make the best out of what you have now, the things right in front of you..sometimes there are things in life which will make you stop to take a good look at it, and sometimes you’ll get bored along the way. but what drives you, dear? what is it that makes you get up everyday and do all the good things that you do for yourself and the people around you? be it money, be it love, be it a good job..keep your eyes upon the doughnut and not upon the hole! good luck! (: *hugs*

  • http://gelitifa.blogspot.com Gelitifa

    Considering all the comments are so long… Here to say that I’m just another concern fan… Moral support for u, too bad nothing much in physical can be done… Cheer up…

  • Frus

    :)
    Your parents will be more dissapointed if you wasted their money. I’ve friends whose family are not rich, yet they manage to send their children overseas. But unfortunately, their child wasted all the money on something else other than studies.

    So you’re definitely doing a good job by remembering about their struggles and still studying well. Hopefully this message gives you the strength to keep it up!

  • fern

    hello,

    i’ve been following your blog since 2006 (though i haven’t been commenting recently sorry!)

    i’m the same age as your sister, in fact i think we were from the same primary school? (srk sri subang??)

    i have a sister who’s 8 years older than me, and she’s the perfect one in the family. Pretty, sophisticated, articulate, charismatic, artistic, perfectionist, born leader, talented. Well, in one word – perfect la. She even managed to do what no one else in my family has ever done : get into one of the top uni’s, nus.

    Naturally she’s the pride of the family, the one everyone dotes on and brags about. The one my mum puts more trust on (by a hundred fold) and gets her way all the time. The one relatives refer to during cny when they say : “next time grow up to be just like her okay~”. The one my parents spent almost all their savings on.

    Occasionally i do feel envious of her. Sometimes i even think it’s unfair. The comparisons that everyone makes is especially unbearable.

    But beyond all the hurt, jealousy and anger is my pride in her.
    I’m old enough to know that where she is right know was through hard work and effort. She deserves to be where she is right now and for that i have deep respect for her. She is my role model. My muse when i feel like my mind is at a dead end.

    (maybe think its a younger sister thing) I am very positive that your sister is very proud of you too. Thank goodness you didn’t give up on college and in pursuing your ambition. If you did, who else could she have looked up to?

    ps : i know this post is very personal to you, but it’s my favourite one from you yet :) it’s nice to relate to someone else’s feelings, good or bad, because then we know we’re not alone

    pps: did your sister model in a recent issue of seventeen magazine? :P

    post-post-post-script: all the best in everything that you do! keep on believing, never give up :D

  • http://www.chocolatesouffle.blogdrive.com Ee Von

    I guess right now I’m in ur sister’s position; my brother’s going to UK next year and not any kampung place but Uni of Birmingham for a whopping 2 years and god knows if my parents have enough money for me if I tell them I wanna do my masters abroad.

    I’m not as angry if it was my dad wanting him to go Uk, but the truth is he WANTED to go UK and he knows damn freaking well I plan to do my masters abroad. Every now and then, I blame it all on him and sometimes I get so angry and sad that I hate him.

    I was so angry that things are so unfair. I was the one who listened to my parents and didn’t spend so much of money by going to tar college, form 6 (not completing it), kbu and now taylors. he did. i went to form 6 eventhough it wasn’t what i wanted. and i hated my brother for knowing damn well how much i want to go abroad and yet he still decides to go to uk.

    I was so angry at him that I wanted so much to know what the hell was he thinking and the only person I know he’ll spill everything on, is his gf. So I went to his msn chat log history of his gf and read every single thing and cried reading it. He said he feel really guilty and he’s feeling bad about going UK and that I might not get my chance to go abroad.

    Why the hell am I typing a blog post here -_-

    Anyway the point is, just do your best. It’s not about you taking away their chances, but that you’ve worked hard enough for it. Otherwise you would not have gotten that scholarship.

    You’re diff from my brother. He didn’t work hard for it, but he gets his opportunity just like that. Maybe because he’s the only son in the family i dunno.

    I am very sure your siblings will understand you and they’re very proud to have a sister like you.

    Look at things at the bright side. If you graduate with a good cert now, you’ll get a good job that pays well and then you’ll be able to support them when they need it.

    All the best to you. :)

  • http://www.vss3t.blogspot.com vss3t

    suet, i feel u. completely.

    hugs!

  • pancakes

    how much you sayang your sister brings tears to my eyes.

    how much your readers sayang you brings even more tears to my eyes =o

  • ron

    hello suet! somehow, i feel that i can relate to what you’re thinking, or rather what your sister might be thinking.

    initially, i was taking digital media in polytechnic. something that was really fun and cool to everyone else. but it was sooooo difficult. i was only good at like languague and film modules, but i nearly flunk all the stupid programming/ coding ones. that pulled down my grades alot. and i went thru interviews and tests and did 17 pieces of work for local uni admission, but i still didnt managed to get in. i had to give up the idea of studying film immediately.

    changing course of study means that i have to give up my ambitions of being a filmmaker, and also to apply for private uni since my grades are like so damn lousy. i applied for communications and got accepted. but when the deal comes to getting loans from banks and stuff, i was rejected again. the whole course plus interested was a whopping 60k SGD for a 3 year course. in the end i threw the acceptance letter away becos i couldnt afford it. and now my parents are forcing me to do government jobs becos it pays well and to them, it’s an ‘iron rice bowl’. so im now waiting to apply to go airforce lor. i have never thought of going into military, even though im very much looking for it now. but still deep down in my heart, whatever stupid dreams of becoming a filmmaker/ director are all gone becos i have no money to study uni.

    eh actually not very related hor but nvm. i have 2 elder sisters, both successfully completed uni education. my parents also always compare me to them cos they are always the brighter ones, the more hardworking ones and the more thrifty ones. i was like the total opposite. but so what? i was never jealous of them at all. never even once. instead, i was full of pride for them, and everytime ppl ask me abt my siblings i couldn’t help but to show admiration for them. but it also doesn’t make things better if i were the brighter one and they are left in a state like what i am now.

    suet, seriously i think u’re thinking too much. im sure your family doesn’t think that way. your dad will still work as hard becos he wants your family to have a good life, regardless the amount money spent on your studies. becos everybody aims to go higher in life. your sister is now doing what she likes and i know it’s going to be so hard on your parents, but they will still be happy. if parents can’t give their best (in terms of monetary) to their kids, the very least they want for them is to be happy. maybe they’ve had regrets when they were younger, so now they want their kids to be able to enjoy what they like doing.

    wah, actually i wrote so long im not making sense anymore. but i hope you’re feeling better now. and the utmost impt thing in life is, don’t leave any regrets! have confidence in your decisions and stick to it. make the best out of it and always stay positive k! =D

  • foongjin

    *hugs* i’m sure no one in your family thinks you’re wasting their money, especially when you’ve gotten so far with your own hard work and effort! i guess whatever happens in the future, as long as we do our best, we really can’t ask for more. don’t worry too much about the future right now :) events have a curious way of turning out well when one reaches the bridge :)

    p/s – my dad said quantity surveying is a good career choice also. 0_0

  • bs

    my goodness. everyone got long long comments one? erm i guess there’s nothing much left to be said.. jus wanna giv u a *hug* :)

  • http://www.wretch.cc/blog/meltsinangie Angie

    why everyone’s comment so long .. i’ll talk to u on msn then wtf i win

  • http://pangtzeching.livejournal.com tzeching

    sorry no internet i came too slow wtf. i dunno la sigh i dont know if i can contribute to what u’r thinking now because truthfully i’ve never been thrust into your situation and to act as if i know how u feel would be insensitive.

    but as ur frd i feel that if u’r using this opportunity for all the right reasons then there’s nothing to be sorry for. u want to better ur life, so how can it be wrong? sigh dunno la i guess i wish i was very rich and can give u money wtf

  • Joie

    I guess the thing with elder siblings is that we tend to consider the feelings of our younger siblings , i do that all the time, i even hesitate about getting married as my finances would be further stretched with more responsibilities and i worry what’s gonna to happen to my parents and my bro ? i am currently doing my postgrad and wanting so much for my own bro to progress just so he would choose a less arduous career because i even think about how he is gonna cope with his current career choice when he reaches say 40?

    but suet, you are in a position where you can do more good than bad. you dont have to go back to msia and work rm2000 per month, and perhaps by the time you are done, the situation in msia might change and perhaps be better economically?

    if you give up now, you are putting yourself in a potentially less advantageous position in future and that would also affect your family. dont turn back for your own sake and for theirs. time passes very fast before you know it, you are done.

  • http://iamtracythecrazy.blogspot.com Tracy

    hey suet, all i wanna say is don’t give up on your education since you’ve gone so far already.

    I guess most asian family has got problem expressing ourselves, including my family. How often do we tell our family I love you or just hug them whenever we feel like it? It’s never possible but deep down you know they love you and you love them.

    You wish they know how you feel. I assured you they know, really. We all never told things we kept in our heart. Maybe that’s the asian way. We never told but somehow we knew.

    For now, study hard and keep holding on, for yourself and your family. Life is full of miracles.

  • bjk

    i am in a local private uni now and education costs a lot too(4 yrs degree for RM60,000. tuition fees only!). I will have to pay back to the government for 20 yrs when i started working. And not forgetting that i have a younger bro whom i’ll be forking out his education fees in 4-5 yrs to come. my mum has been telling me that i WILL have to pay for my bro’s education coz they’ll be retire by then. it hurts so much to hear that coz i’m obviously getting extra burden due to my parents inability. but come to think of it, i think i would be glad to do that too, just because he’s my brother. I do not know how much salary i’ll get when i graduate but i know my life will never be easy. ok, i shared that juz to tell u that every family has its own problem. my family is no where near perfect, but i still love them for who they are. i heard a quote in chinese b4 which says that we have the greatest debt towards our parents, but they are the happiest creditor in the world. we’ll pay our debts when we have children next time, and the cycle goes generation by generation, the debt goes on and on. Just excel in the things you do. that’s they only way out. *cheers*

  • Jay See

    arlow suet thankiu so much for the password. your post made me feel like crying :~((( i understand how you feel because i’ve gone through the same thing. i love my mum but i never show it, because i will get goosebump wtf if i tell her i love her or just go and give her a big hug. even when i did something wrong, i never said sorry either. i wanted to say it, but i just couldn’t. instead of telling her that i love her, i show it by getting her stuffs that she likes to eat and do grocery shopping for her (i pay for it too, haha).

    i’m sure your family knows you love them too :)) study hard, get a well paid job and you can take a good care of your family liao :)) gambateh!!!

  • JojoDelicious

    thx for the password suet =) and you make me teared T________T
    cheer up k?? everything will be fine =) *hugssssssssssssssss*

  • k

    well, someone i know is in the same situation as you are, just the reverse as the parents doesn’t care much of that someone.
    i’m in no position to say anything to you and to that someone else, but i dare say that you should continue studying (yea la, the work and yada yada crap la) but i assume that you do in fact have roughly about 2-3 years to go and after, you can help out with your family. it’s not me to make a decision for you neither am i in a position to advise you, but if i could and you would be alright into listening (or reading as this seems) staying on and possibly getting a job there would enable you to help out following the exchange rate, although it takes time.
    sometimes there are days that just pull just down and there are time that is just doesn’t rain but pours on you, but keep your head up and things will clear up for you. hopefully it will. besides, i’m sure barry and co. (yes, us too apparently) will have your back =) or try at least…

  • http://angelicassie.blogspot.com Cassie

    why you say this is boring -_-” it made me reflect on my own family and yea sometimes i do wonder if what i’m studying in class would answer all the questions you ask in your post.but i guess life’s like this.you would never know all the answers to the questions.and you would never be entirely sure that something is worth it until it’s done and over with.

    in my opinion,i think you should persevere on in your education,because you have already come so far..with scholarship and settling in new places and all..

    and yea i feel for you when you said we’re Asian families and we’re not use to showing love and all..but i want you to know that your family is not a broken one.i think the love you have for one another goes far beyond hugs and kisses =)

    don’t be too hard on yourself and you ARE a good sister.just that you don’t know it yourself.=)

    and thanks for sharing this.

  • real_cranium

    =)

  • NaomiRisa

    there’s a saying in chinese: same people, different life.
    my sis studied abroad while i graduated from local university.
    i used to feel unfair but now i think it’s the same. i believe everyone has the opportunity. just a little late but it’s worth waiting :)

  • http://sweatlee.com sweatlee

    thanks everyone i read everything twice T______T if i have time i will reply everyone’s comment personally ok?

  • http://simonseow.blogspot.com Simon Seow

    After graduation work in US lor. Pays way better than in Malaysia.

  • Teo

    Sweat, I think there’s really nothing to sad or worry about, I mean it does happen in most of the family… Most important thing is u r studying hard now and not wasted on ur parent’s money…

    When you become somebody’s mother later, I believe u’ll provide ur best for them as well and for sure u willingly work like shit jus for the sake of their bright future…

  • mei

    Hey Suet Li. A lot of Asian families are like yours, and I am sure that just because we don’t constantly shower one another with hugs and kisses, it does not mean that we love one another less. *hugs*

    My elder sister went to Australia for studies and work a few years ago, and I went to England. As of now, I have not seen her for 2 years, and I dont know when I will get to see her again. It is the WORST feeling in the world. True, sometimes we didn’t get along. Whenever she tried to talk some sense into me ( i am a middle child too ), I would dismiss her and be really angry, but only because I am too egoistical to admit that she was right. Deep down, I am really thankful that I have her with me, someone who would always understand how I feel.
    If you think that you are not communicating enough with your sister, it is never too late to start.
    Good luck!

  • sara

    hey,

    i know how you feel. but i guess i stand at a different end from you. i’m the youngest in the family and my parents had to support all 3 of us through university. i’ve still got a couple years more to go but half way through the course, i thought, should i just end here and get what i can out of it and then go back look for a job etc. cause it doesn’t feel right to have my parents work so hard to support me while i live a innocent care free student life. but what i realised with time that there is a difference. financial strain aside, so long you know that they care for you, i guess that’s the difference there. as long as you are not blissfully ignorant of how much sacrifice they’re making for you. anyway, i hope your relationship with you sister gets better, and the rest of your family too :) have faith

  • Mei

    who is the other “mei”! i dont feel special anymore wtf wtf

  • L

    I think it’s really sweet of you to be so worried about ur siblings. I’m *kinda* in your spot. I’m the eldest. My mum (single parent) wants to invest in me because she thinks I have the most potential to make the most out of what she’s paying for. And I’m not even thinking about my two younger bros and their future. This post just made me realise how selfish I am. I think you’re really lucky with what you have now and YOU BETTER NOT DROP OUT! Cause then everything your ‘rents have spent on you so far will be flushed down the toilet. If you really wanna help your siblings out. Finish your studies. Then help them out when you work. Or if it’s too late, help their kids next time! You never know! My friend’s uncle is supporting her studies because her mum (the uncle’s older sister) sacrificed her own studies for him. And it’s his way of saying thank you I guess by funding his older sis’s kid’s studies. Anyway, hope you’re feeling better and good luck!!!

  • http://nil kyson

    All i can say is you are a good big sister to your siblings. the only thing you can do is to contribute as much as u can in future. Life is not perfect, cheer!

  • christina

    there are too many “I am like you” people out there that will want to share with you their experience and to comfort you. but if you want to know about mine, since i have started working in Australia and is staying back now, send me an email and I’ll tell you mine

  • http://ilerahctees.blogspot.com/ chareli

    hey suet li,

    thanks for the email.
    i just read your post and never did i guess that you will be feeling this pain, especially not through your blog. it’s not that i didn’t expect you to feel like that, it’s just that you always seemed so happy and cheery most of the time.

    sigh, i feel your pain. true, asian families are never one to shower affection physically but never doubt the bond that your family has. try talking to your sister more. i think it’s all due to lack of communication. if she gets to understand your position, she will not blame you for her situation.

    as for college, best to grit your teeth through and do your best. quitting is not the best option and probably will get you no further.

    best of luck and cheer up!

  • http://bloodysharp.wordpress.com/ Irene

    ‘action speak louder than words’

    i, too, find it hard to express my affection for my family. but i realise that saying “i love you” is not quite the same as showing it. so now i say “i love you” through my actions instead. i learnt to be more appreciative of my family, especially after i learnt about my boyfriend’s abusive family.

    as for the situation with your sister, i’m sure that she’s proud of you and your achievements. by being in a US uni and achieving your goals, you are an inspiration for your siblings. if you gave up now, what would they think?

    work hard now, and i’m sure you’ll be able to help your family in the future. giving up now would only break their heart.

  • Karen

    Every single bit of your effort now is worth it. It is good that you realise your obligation as the eldest, believe me your sisters do appreciate it.

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