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Brought to you by Barry:

I’ve been here for four days already, and in this time I’ve learned what it’s like to be Liew Suet Li. Truth be told, it doesn’t take very much at all to be Liew Suet Li.

We wake up at noon and go about our routine of scrubbing our faces and teeth and turn the once-blue toilet water green. We layer up on clothing as to prevent the numbing cold from turning our nipples into ripe apricots before we step out for lunch.

This is my Harrison Ford moment; more the Fugitive than the movie star (speaking of which, he hasn’t made anything recently that isn’t naff, has he?). We slink to the nearest dining hall unnoticed with much skill and guile, Suet’s ingeniously crafty way of having to avoid paying for my meals.

I sometimes wonder if she’s ashamed of me.

Prior to taking a shower, I have to go on an obligatory scouting trek to the bathroom, fully-clothed, to make sure that other unsuspecting ladies are not currently occupying the communal bathroom, and who, at the sight of a half-naked dashing young stud such as myself, would mentally implode from the sheer shock of an unexpected orgasm.

Having made sure that the coast was clear, I’d have to head back to fetch my sundry basket of toiletries, change into a shower towel that covers my dangly bits, and run back to the safety of the bathroom before I cause any more orgasmic carnage at this hallowed all-female institution.

Apart from eating and showering, we don’t venture outside her dorm. She studies for her upcoming tests, or tries to at least, while I waste time playing Word Challenge on Facebook. Most times I succeed in distracting her, and we end up playing Word Challenge marathons. So much so that we punctuate our daily conversations with sentences like, “Wow, that’s incredible! edible. red. bid. led. dib. din. credible. ire. bide. lire. bile. rid. blind. cred. bleed. nice. rice. crib. line.” and so on and so forth. You’ll get it if you play the game.

Be forewarned, it’s a timesucker of the highest degree, bound to turn your unexciting life even duller. You’ll curse at your own shaky fingers that hammer typo after typo, and wistfully wish you could be as cool as the other kids who are only just returning from parties at 3am on a Saturday night, while you’ve been on Word Challenge since 9.30pm, and what’s worse is that everyone who’s your friend on Facebook can see what a nerd/loser you are. Shockingly embarassing.

Yeah, that’s the story of our lives since I’ve arrived. I wonder why you people read her blog, she’s the most boring person I know, apart from myself. Go on, move to some other more exciting blog where clubbing and boobage are daily occurences. cure. rose. sore. run. seen. scene. sour (dammit word challenge)

You’ll love me for it.