On the first day of new year

On the first day of new year

It was a game of Boggle that made up my resolution this year. Truth is, I was never really someone who makes resolutions and keeps them but I am certain that this year will be different. For the past god knows how many years, my resolutions have been always the same ol’ same ol’.

Lose weight, preferably until I weigh a mere 42 kg.

Grow some more boobs, B cup is all I’m asking for.

Those have always been my only two resolutions, and yet I couldn’t even keep them. But that has never really bothered me. Who cares about weight these days anyway? And boobs won’t grow anymore when I’m already this old so why bother.

But this year, it will be different. I’m sure it will.

Boggle is an interesting game. At first glance, I could only make up at most 5 words but if I push myself a little, strain my eyes a tiny bit more, turn my head a certain angle, I could make up at least 15 more words. Expand my mind, stretch my vocab, another 5 more words. Before I know it, I’m scribbling another extra 10 words.

A relationship is like a game of boggle. Once you think you’ve reached a dead end, all you need is to push yourself a little bit more and look at things from a different perspective. There are always new words waiting to be discovered, more points to be earned.

So as I sat there thinking of all the words I can think of with those 16 letters, I thought of my resolution this year.

My resolution this year is to try harder to keep this relationship alive.

It has never really been much of a struggle anyway, except when distance piles its weight onto us. This year will be different though since we are going to be in different time zones the entire year cause we’ll each be studying abroad. I’m dead scared of what the future holds for us but I’m pretty certain this resolution is the only one I can and will keep, after so long for being guilty as charged for not keeping any of my resolutions.

On new year’s day, we finally wore some guts on our sleeves and ventured out into the cold. We’ve been stuck in our room for a long time now due to the snow storm and instant noodles are starting to take their tolls on us.

I think the reason why this place looks so pretty with all that snow is because he’s here with me. The walk to the restaurant wasn’t as cold as I thought it would be, mainly cause both of us were jumping and goofing around the entire time. We were trying to see who can push the other into the snow first but I told him if he pushes me I’m going to report him to the DVA (domestic violence association wtf I just made that up) so I won wtf

you know the old woman/young girl illusion? Doesn’t this old woman look exactly like the old woman in that illusion?? She was wearing a scarf before this so it was sooo alike.

Haha!

Besides making fun of poor unsuspecting old women, we have been doing nothing at all. Completely nothing! We wake up whenever we want each day, ask each other the question of what should we do today, knowing full well that we don’t really care what we’re going to do anyway. Most of the time, we stay in the room and watch movie after movie until our eyes get bleary and tired, and then we’ll watch some more.

Sometimes, we lie on the bed and stare at each other in the eyes before doing something totally disgusting like lick the other person’s nose (don’t ever tell anyone I taught you this but if you lick someone’s nose, that person will smell your dried saliva for a full minute or two and let me warn you that dried saliva smells like..butt. yes. buttocks. that’s what dried saliva smells like. don’t tell anyone. but try it). Usually he does it to me first and I’ll pretend to get angry so he’ll lean forward and let me do the same too.

When we get bored of licking each other’s noses or wrestling on the bed (real wrestling, not the sexual kind wtf but the real i’ll punch you in the fking face kinda wrestling..just to keep ourselves entertained), we’ll go to the bookstore and sit there for hours reading books..without buying them nyehehe.

I love my life right now. I wish time would just stop so we can do this forever. Watch movies, eat, lick his nose, wrestle, read, walk in the snow, have my nose licked, wash his hair over the sink cause we’re too lazy to bathe, sleep. Boy, I can do this over and over again and I won’t even get tired of it.

—-

That night as we were talking before we slept, I asked him if he thinks we can do this again. I really really hate being apart. I’ve tried a year with him here in the US and me back in Malaysia and it was hell. I told myself then that if I ever had to do that again, I would just quit without trying.

Then it was 2 years of us being in the same country and it was slightly better although we were still physically apart most of the time. To think that we’ve done so many years of LDR, another year would have been easy right? But that night while I lay in his arms sobbing my eyes out, I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore. I was so glad when 2008 ended because that means we’re a year closer to not being apart again. A year closer.

Barely there.

But almost there.

2009 will be a tough and challenging year but I’m pretty confident that I can do this. At the risk of this sounding really cheesy, with him holding my hand, we can do this.