Surviving the distance

Surviving the distance

It’s 3.33 am now and I have so much on my mind. I hate sleeping. I never thought I’d say this but I really hate it when it’s time to sleep. I wish and pray that I can just lie on my bed and fast forward 9 hours later when it’s time to wake up.

I think the main reason why I developed this sudden abhorrence for sleep is cause I’ve been insomniac for so long. Everytime I lie on the bed, I need around 30 mins to 1 hour to fall asleep and I dread going to sleep so much because of this!

I can’t believe I actually hate sleeping. Who in the world hates sleep?! I’m going out of my mind. I’m not going to sleep tonight.

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It’s 4.44 am. I NEED to sleep. But I can’t and I refuse to. Sleep is for the weak.

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SUPER LONG POST AHEAD.


I think I’ll talk about how it’s like being in a long distance relationship. I’ll talk ALLLL about it. All the details, all the obstacles, how we deal with them, how we fail sometimes, how much pain we get from doing this etc etc I’m going to talk until noone cares about it anymore and then I’m going to continue talking somemore until it’s 10am in the morning so I don’t have to sleep.

We’d been together for about a year before we tasted our first bitter taste of being in a LDR. I had to go South Africa for a month for a youth exchange program and frankly, it was hell for us. Because I had to travel so much, I couldn’t call him at all and he obviously couldn’t do anything as well. In that whole month, we only got to talk about twice or so.

8 months later, he had to go to the states and thus began our first actual experience of being in a LDR.

It was..worse than hell I’d say. There was a 12 hour time difference and whenever he was awake, I was asleep and vice versa. I don’t think I’d ever cried so much in my life before. Everytime when we finally got to talk, I was always upset at something. Upset at him cause we were supposed to talk at 10 but he came online much later, upset cause I had so much to tell him but he didn’t have time to listen, upset cause I missed him so much, upset at the world.

But I think after that, I finally learned that there was no point being upset cause it was only going to make things worse. Being mad and crying so much means we couldn’t talk properly all the time. I was on the verge of giving up so many times that I couldn’t even keep count how many times I told him I wanted to take a break anymore. But if there’s one thing I really admire about him, it’s his patience. He NEVER gave up.

Everytime I was difficult, he held on to me harder instead. Everytime I threw bitchfits, he pulled me closer. He told me that breaking up isn’t going to solve our problems. A broken vase will never be the same again despite your efforts of glueing the pieces back together.

I guess with all his patience and with my perseverance of trying to make this work, we made it through the first year. He trusted me a lot so I had my freedom to go out with my friends often. Truth is, I never really trusted him enough then but I just pretended I did so I wouldn’t upset him. I think the main things that made things work were patience, lots of trust, lots and lots of communication (i think we tried to talk at least once a day), loyalty of course and err..love wtf so corny.

The one and only good thing about LDRs is the moment when we meet again after a long time apart. I wouldn’t say that all the sweat and tears and anger is worth it but it’s almost worth it. It was really awkward when I saw him for the first time in the airport. Hugging him felt weird..holding his hand felt even weirder and omg the first kiss was..super awkward? But after a few minutes, things went back to normal again and I think we didn’t even fight at all for the first few weeks cause we wanted to treasure each other so much.

We had this SUPER big fight when he came back this time cause he kinda..forgot how to treat a girl anymore. Hahaha sounds funny but I guess he wasn’t used to having me by his side so he forgot how sensitive I am. The fight lasted for about 3 days I think but he wrote me this super long romantic email after that and we made up. Lesson learnt, never take your gf for granted ever again.

And for me, I’ve learnt that I can’t expect him to be completely the same as before he left. I’ve learnt to accommodate, and learnt to give and take sometimes .

In 2007, we both left for the states together and started our 3rd year of being together and 2nd year of being in a LDR. It was a lot better this time cause we were in the same country, hence no time difference at all. However, ALL the same rules of being in a LDR still apply cause we were still physically apart most of the time. Things were better than in 2006 cause we talked online all the time and I can easily contact him etc

In 2008, we got a phone plan together so we could talk on the phone allllll the time. Advice for couple who’re doing ldr in the same country: get a phone plan! seriously it helps soooo much. When we were using prepaid, we couldn’t talk much cause it was expensive and we had to keep looking at the time. With unlimited talktime, I think we hardly fought at all!

Alas, now he’s in Germany for this semester so it’s back to the same ol’ time difference thing again which I hate so much.

To be honest, we just had this fight this morning. What happened was he went to this concert and it was late and he still wasn’t back. I was worried so I bought a calling card to call him but it didn’t work and when it did he didn’t pick up for some time! I was so crazily upset that when I unplugged the blowdryer out, I electrocuted myself.

T____________T my fingers got stuck in between the metal prongs and I almost died ok T_______T

Ok fine almost dying is an exaggeration but it was really painful..

So anyway haiya very complicated story but we just made up again.

Everytime we fight, there is always a lesson to be learnt, always more room for improvement, always testing our perseverance. I think it really depends on whether you’re willing to devote all that time and energy to make things work and if you are, I’m sure you can survive being in a LDR too.

Frankly if you ask me if this is hard, yeah fucking hell yeah it’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do. LDR to me is always about fighting and making up and fighting and making up and repeat cycle. But if I have to do this for a few more years before I get an entire lifetime with someone I want to be with forever, I’d sign up to do it again and again.

So before you decide to go on a LDR with someone, you have to decide if that person is someone you can see yourself with next time. If the answer is yes, you CAN do it I’m sure. Don’t ever let ldr get in the way cause it’s not worth losing something as important as that.

Just throw in some patience, perseverance, trust, try to talk everyday and tell each other how your day has been (this gets tedious after some time. everyday it’s just “baby what did you do today” blabla but at least I know what’s going on in his life),and you MUST talk things out if you feel upset about something. I think those are the secrets to a successful LDR! oh oh and all hail SKYPE and MSN!

Hahahha you know what will be funny? If I write this and then we break up the next day WTF CHOI TAI KA LAI SI *touches wood

Maybe I should publish a book wtf “Tips to surviving a long distance relationship” wtf or “Pocket guide on LDRs” or “LDR for dummies” hahahaha

Don’t get me wrong, despite years of doing this, I’m still very bad at it. I still question myself why am I putting myself in so much trouble, I still cry a lot when I get frustrated, we still fight, and I still blog about how close to giving up I am. I guess no one can be truly good at this, it’s just a matter of how we hold on against all odds and to never give up.

I’m dedicating all these successful years of being in a LDR to my wonderful boyfriend. Although he still is such an ass sometimes, still so stupid and insensitive and cause me so much tears, but you have to give him credit for never giving up. I think all guys should learn from him. (eh and of course i play a part also la ok don’t puji him only wtf)

The end.