Project 365 and beyond

Project 365- take one picture that summarizes your day everyday. 3, 2, 1, go!

#1 : 18th of February 2009

When the snow finally melted, the first patch of green grass emerged and the squirrels came out to play, but someone thought it was funny to let it snow again today. When I thought spring has cometh finally, I came to the realization that nothing will ever go my way when I want it most. So I’m more than ready to alter and reshape and accommodate my expectations now. If spring doesn’t want to come now, then let it be.

Yesterday was a day choked with all kinds of emotions possible. I was excited yet scared at the same time, happy yet worried, anxious yet calm, and super stressed. I think I’m really bad at dealing with stress cause instead of stopping it, I let in engulf me completely and tell me what to do instead. But the best thing about stress is it comes and goes. It doesn’t stay in your head forever, like a toxin that gets washed away in your blood stream after some time.

So today I woke up with a solution to all that stress and instead of spending so much time worrying and thinking about it, I just let my heart tell me what to do and I think it’s the right thing after all.

——–

On a completely unrelated and un-emo post, I really have to tell you this. Of all the things I’ve learned from living in a dorm community, the knowledge I cherish most is my ability to put an invisible cloak on myself and just pretend I don’t exist- especially when I’m in the communal bathroom. You have no idea how awkward it is to go into the bathroom when you need to take the biggest dump of your life and see people in there too.

So, I have mastered several very high-skilled techniques that I have perfected over the years. Unfortunately, some daft people never seem to master these skills and have left me very very disappointed.

Case in question is this:

So I was taking my shower leisurely, squeezing some shampoo on my hand, singing to myself lalala when suddenly, I heard this hugeeee splash followed by the smelliest stench I’ve ever smelt in my life. Oh noesss it’s the case of the girl who’s shitting but is too dumb to master these techniques!! AND I was trapped cause I was still showering!!!

Technique number 1:

When you know you’re going to take a dump, you must come prepared. First of all, take some toilet paper and throw it into the toilet bowl. I KNOW I’M WASTING TREES but what the heck it’s just two pieces of toilet paper anyway I KNOW THAT IS 1/8418410 of a tree but listen I’m saving you from further embarrassment.

The purpose of the paper is to cushion your erm..excrement/feces/shit wtf when it falls, so as to prevent the huge splash/ugly “doooop” sound wtf hahahah don’t know how to explain lah!

Technique number 2:

You have to be good at physics for this. You must know yourself how big your feces will be exactly, so you know when exactly to push the flush button. When the feces unattaches itself from your erm..lubang anus WTF, you must be quick and agile so you can push the flush immediately (you can practice this by dropping something on your floor and try to hit the floor before it touches, if you hit the floor after the thing falls, you fail. try again next time)

BUT! becareful! If you push it too early, the flush will only serve to disguise the “dooop” sound but your feces won’t be flushed down (unless if it’s a big flush..thingy). Therefore, you must push it right at the moment BEFORE it touches the water so the flush will not only help to disguise the sound, but will also suck your shit in so it won’t stay there in the toilet bowl and stink up the entire bathroom!!!!

I think flushing really works to prevent the smell of the shit to travel around the air and cause further harm to other unsuspecting victims in the bathroom.

Actually that’s all no other techniques. however, if you’re a tree-hugger/environmentalist, you probably won’t want to do this cause it wastes paper and water but pleaseeee, do it when you know someone else is in the bathroom too!

You have no idea how unpleasant my entire showering experience was thanks to the girl who was shitting but was too unskilled in covering the smell/sound of her feces. What made it worse was the fact that today is Suet’s Dirty Hair day so I had to wash my hair = taking more time in the shower = pure uncalled for suffering T_______T

I tried to drown my miseries my using more shampoo to mask the stench but the it was too strong and even defeated the smell of my shampoo T_T

I then tried stuffing my face in the water the entire time but I almost drowned wtf hahahaha FML

Anyway it’s great that you’re taking the biggest shit of your life, really, I’m truly happy for you and you really deserve this big dump after days of constipation but please oh pleaseee spare my life!! Have mercy! Flush your shit down! You can sit there for an entire hour for all I care but please flush everytime you have shit sitting there in the toilet bowl or else it’ll smell really bad!

Maybe I should print this out and paste it on the toilet stalls. Community service, please read this first wtf.

437 comments

  1. Ee Von says:

    hahahaahah so funny!!! i can totally relate to it but my situation’s slightly diff.

    i was in the car together with my lecturer yesterday and he fucking farted and it was so smelly i think i could have died! (i memang cannot tahan fart smell unless it’s my own wtf) and the worst part is he locked the window and i couldn’t wind it down! AND HE BLAMED ME FOR FARTING OMGGGG.

  2. Patricia says:

    hahahha i have a friend whom we went on a roadtrip on and whenever he’s going to fart he’d be all, “i can sense something bad is going to happen.” then we’d all wind down our windows frantically and stick our head out.. haih like stick it like that! :((

  3. Nghi says:

    Suet, I was doing my math hw and check out on this and I burst out laughing hahahahhahahaha as for the sound, if the material is hard/thick enough and long enough you won’t need the paper save paper save trees ah! and for the water… erm what if the you-know-what is kinda liquid-ish haiz how many flushes you need? =D

    Worst thing is when you use the nextdoor toilet hahahhahahaaa its like stereo sound and crystal clear smell.

    Good thing for me here theres a small bathroom where i can just go in and lock the door and no one else can enter haha i save the world!!

  4. macramus says:

    hahahaha… nice post there sweatlee.. lol couldnt stop laughing while i was reading it..haha.. i use the toilet paper trick too..works everytime:P never tried the flush technique yet cos i was too worried that when i flush the water is too strong that it kena my ass so i never tried XD
    oh oh.. ive one more technique that i wanna share.. for those who are nature lovers and dont wanna waste water, you can do this..clear your throat/cough on purpose when your missile is reaching its target..LOL it works too.. but its not applicable for those “missiles” that are accompanied by the preettt sound aka fart..haha..

  5. On9仔 says:

    We are so alike on the toilet paper technique. To make the person feel sorry. I would suggest you shout “Can you flush the toilet please. Its f%*king smelly ok!”.

  6. kreazi says:

    Hahahahahaha, damn, I can’t stop laughing!!! Good tactics, Suet! But how to soundproof kentut ar? Usually in public toilets, you’ll hear really loud farts… tell me, how to teach these people to soundproof their kentutssssssss~~~

  7. sj says:

    eh i mastered technique 1 already! I stay in a unit with other ppl and sometimes when i need to poo, theyre sitting on the living room table just outside the bathroom plus you know how some bathrooms have this echo effect right, can hear one! so to prevent the echoing plop sound, i figured out technique 1 myself. lol damn funny i thought i was the only freak whos concerned about this.

  8. Ping Ping says:

    I am glad that our toilet is seperated one. We got 8 bathroom and 16 toilets. And they are situated in two different places so it’s impossible to smell/hear people poo-ing when you are bathing. I don’t care if people know I’m poo-ing if I stay in the toilet too long. =P

    I used to have this habit to let the water run when my poo starts to stink. I mean I will open my legs and let the water flow into the toilet bowl before continue. =P And I will try to control my poo so that it won’t slide out too fast and cause a big ‘SPLASH’ sound. Make it slide slowly down the toilet bowl. =P

  9. Jaclyn says:

    ahahahahaha u made me laugh as I just came across something unhappy where a bitch still disturbs my love life haih 4 years loh UK is so good but my place is so much damn better cause i have my beloved and she doesn’t owns him ahahhahahahahahahaha * i can feel my fake smiles sigh* =(

  10. Tracy says:

    i did the same thing in office. You know how girls will stain the toilet bowl sometimes during period, so I sacrifice 2 piece of toilet paper before I start pee-ing and it does help alil by not staining the bowl..

    Tried coughing when about to fart.. it works too.. haha..

  11. irene says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    omg this is so funny yet super gross yet so true. lol! whenever i need to go for “business”, i always walk around campus looking for an isolated toilet so i won’t disturb other people, lol. which usually ends up with my having a super painful stomach while walking all over campus wtf.

  12. cindy says:

    haha..yeah..its super super ewww to actually use the toilet and someone else is doing a really smelly business… i don’t mind the sound of the shit dropping into the water, but i do mind the stench which could kill someone (i always call it the atomic bomb that kills the whole village)… in order not let myself being the next killer, i always force myself to reduce meat and protein intake..

  13. juan says:

    communal showers are worse suet. before i moved in with barry freshmen year my dorm had a communal shower. i walked in on a guy shaving his entire body once… so unpleasant, not to mention unsightly.

  14. jay see says:

    uhh suet i’m having breakfast while reading this. gone my appetite =.=’ there’s a simpler way to get rid of the smell. neh can buy that don’t know called what thing, just a few drops on the lubang tandas before you flush or after flush, the smell gone.

  15. sweatlee says:

    eevon, hahahh wtf why so kesian one!! summore blame u hahaha!

    grouchy, whyyy

    pat, hhahaha so sad!

    zeek, hahaha fml betul!

    nghi, heyyy! hahah if it’s liquidish then sorry u really have to waste a lot of water! u have a small bathroom? tht’s nice!!

    missnobody, yeah sighh cant escape them knowing lor

    macramus, hahaha yeah sometimes water very strong so must move up abit WTF im getting disgusted as i type this wtf
    clear throat cannot la so obvious hahaha

    stef, hahaha! riggght!

    michelle, why the lubang so small one!!

    on9, hahah i dont want la so mean! later the fella cry to sleep wtf

    kreazi, kentut cannot la T_T have to tahan only uwuwuw

    sj, hahaha i guess im the other freak too T_T but it works!

    ping, wah so nice i wish ours is like tht! here dont have the pipe of water one la so cant let water run!

    jaclyn, hahah there there im glad i made u laugh!

    mindy, im not good at shitting! only good at how to not embarrass urself wtf

    tracy, haha yeah good idea!

    irene, i know it’s super gross right T_T why u walk around campus haha so kesian!

    erlinda, hahah that’s me, the shameless one T_T

    cindy, yeahhh T_T maybe i should take less meat too!

    jade, hahaha wtf why u so sweat hahah

    philip, hahahha okla u win la!!! but wise men think alike wtf

    ps, haha i dunno whether they’re full of shit in a bad way or good way as in they’re all talking abt shit wtf

    macra, yeah haha!

    moon, hahah use it!

    juan, hello juan!! yeah he told me some pretty awful stories too. well at least now u have a single! almost..

    jaysee, hahaha sorry! i never see tht before also!

    angie, how to use toilet paper to cover ur fart? why so gross hahahha

  16. voon says:

    haha i use technique number 2 every morning n it works:) toilet life in dorm is so hard:S then a japanese told me tat their toilet bowls hav water flow when u r doing ur business, silenting the embarassing ‘doop’. so high tech. how i wish v hav tat as well.

  17. Farik says:

    Hi suet, im xiangyun’s bf and we both just love ur blog..im laughing my heart out reading this particular post!!.God knows communal bathroom is hell and it gets worse when theres someone whose not considerate enuf. By all means, continue posting fun and hilarious stuff!!cheers!! btw, can i link u?

  18. clem says:

    wtf is communal bathroom? do you girls shower naked together wtf.

    the toilet paper technique won’t work for me ’cause.. i nearly always have watery stools WTF. dunno as a result of my LI or what it has been like that since ok too much infoooo.

  19. Philip says:

    haha yes yes wisdom indeed… o.0 HEY I KNOW OF A POSSIBLE PROJECT. PRINT THE TWO TECHNIQUES ONTO SOME POSTERS AND SELLLLLLL SELLLLLL SELLLLLLLL!!!! MARKET IT AS BATHROOM POSTERSSSSSSSSSS WTH MAYBE A LOT OF PEOPLE WILL BUY AND STICK STICK STICKKKKKKKKKKK!

    p.s. i get 50% of profits.

  20. sweatlee says:

    voon, yeahhh i heard abt that also! so nice la

    sohpoh, hahah yeah! imagine eating all the ..smell wtf

    farik, hello! thanks so much! yeah sure link ahead!

    clem, hahha nola it’s just we all share the bathroom la. communal showers means all shower together naked wtf

    simplicity, hahha yeah bring spray along wtf

    philip, hahaha why u so excited until must caps all haha. i dont think ppl will buy leh =.=

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