Boring serious shit

I suck cause I didn’t take a single picture today. I loaned my phone to a friend and I was too lazy to carry a camera sigh.

Anyway today is an interesting day for me and I really want to talk about it but I’m quite afraid that I’ll come off as ignorant or stupid. Argh but I really wanna talk about it :( ok so just hear me out and put your judgements away first.

First of all, today in my Econ class, my professor was talking about how education is an important tool for a country’s success. In fact it’s THE most crucial step to ensuring continuous and permanent growth. I don’t know why but it moved me so much just hearing all that and made me feel like going back. Last semester, my favorite Econ professor also said almost the same thing and it got me thinking about so many things.

It got me thinking of the main reason why I was here in the first place. Am I here for my own personal growth? Am I here to get a good education so I can get a good job and live happily ever after? I don’t want to waste my parents’ money so selfishly like that when my country is in need of whatever it can get right now. I want to go back and serve my own people..but can I? I’m so lost and disillusioned with everything :(

Can I really make much difference if I go back? Or will I just join the rest of the white-collared labor force and continue being disappointed time after time with my country? I don’t want to pretend I know a lot about politics because I don’t and I don’t want to come off as being pretentious. So can someone like me who is not the least interested in politics really make much difference at all? Honestly if I can dream, I want to make a change in terms of providing better education for everyone.

Maybe if I can get my head straight, this will work =) somehow..I’ll just have to think it through again.

My friend Emily told me about this website recently, Malaysian Dreams. Her friend created that website in hopes that Malaysians will talk about what they really want and dream of. I found this particular entry really compelling:

i wish our upbringings did not create such a huge silent gap between us, i wish our country is less defined by race & religion, i wish what we were nurtured to be didn’t tear us apart, i wish not another malaysian heart to break because of this silent wall….

it’s so sad and touching T________T I really with all my heart, echo your sentiments o’ anonymous one. There’s nothing I want more from Malaysia than to abolish this gap between all us rakyats.

Maybe I should be a teacher.

Since I’m talking about this now, I was asked to publicize this:

Project What’s after SPM?

One book. One hundred different stories.

A group of people are planning to publish a book on paths that you can take after completing your high school education. I thought this was a very good idea since I was pretty lost after SPM myself. You can choose to contribute by submitting your very own story on which path you took, help them translate the submissions to chinese/tamil/malay, or monetary contributions so they can print out more copies! click here again for more details!

And I will contribute to these two blogs as well!

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Then at night, I went to this other talk on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and got all depressed again T___T

Despite thinking that I do already know what’s going on, I felt disgusted at my ignorance for not getting my facts straight first. I felt stupid for even thinking if there was a side that was right or wrong. Truth is, it wasn’t who is right or wrong. Can we really justify the actions of these people and decide who was the one who should be condemned and who should be sympathized? If there’s one thing my liberal arts education has taught me, it’s that an action can never tell you completely how someone should be judged.

In the minds of the people who have done what they did, they were all right. So who are we to say what’s not? Do we follow the international laws to define their actions and if it was against the law, it is therefore wrong? The reasoning behind the laws was set up by fellow human beings as well. So these people who set up the laws are supposedly those who have the highest morality of them all? But wait don’t get me wrong. What has happened was obviously in direct violation of the human rights law so I’m not saying their actions can be justified.

The issue of how subjective these actions are was also brought up and this is what I hate most. I hate it when people throw around the word ‘subjective’ loosely like that. If something was subjective, does it mean we can’t really talk about it because there can be a lot of ways to go around it? By saying these actions by either party were subjective and cannot be interpreted by anyone but themselves, are we giving them a leeway of what they did?

Argh I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore @_@ So now I’m really confused. What do you all think?

Anyway I have to get started on my papers now bye T_T

p.s: ok continue doing this poll.