Boring serious shit

I suck cause I didn’t take a single picture today. I loaned my phone to a friend and I was too lazy to carry a camera sigh.

Anyway today is an interesting day for me and I really want to talk about it but I’m quite afraid that I’ll come off as ignorant or stupid. Argh but I really wanna talk about it 🙁 ok so just hear me out and put your judgements away first.

First of all, today in my Econ class, my professor was talking about how education is an important tool for a country’s success. In fact it’s THE most crucial step to ensuring continuous and permanent growth. I don’t know why but it moved me so much just hearing all that and made me feel like going back. Last semester, my favorite Econ professor also said almost the same thing and it got me thinking about so many things.

It got me thinking of the main reason why I was here in the first place. Am I here for my own personal growth? Am I here to get a good education so I can get a good job and live happily ever after? I don’t want to waste my parents’ money so selfishly like that when my country is in need of whatever it can get right now. I want to go back and serve my own people..but can I? I’m so lost and disillusioned with everything 🙁

Can I really make much difference if I go back? Or will I just join the rest of the white-collared labor force and continue being disappointed time after time with my country? I don’t want to pretend I know a lot about politics because I don’t and I don’t want to come off as being pretentious. So can someone like me who is not the least interested in politics really make much difference at all? Honestly if I can dream, I want to make a change in terms of providing better education for everyone.

Maybe if I can get my head straight, this will work =) somehow..I’ll just have to think it through again.

My friend Emily told me about this website recently, Malaysian Dreams. Her friend created that website in hopes that Malaysians will talk about what they really want and dream of. I found this particular entry really compelling:

i wish our upbringings did not create such a huge silent gap between us, i wish our country is less defined by race & religion, i wish what we were nurtured to be didn’t tear us apart, i wish not another malaysian heart to break because of this silent wall….

it’s so sad and touching T________T I really with all my heart, echo your sentiments o’ anonymous one. There’s nothing I want more from Malaysia than to abolish this gap between all us rakyats.

Maybe I should be a teacher.

Since I’m talking about this now, I was asked to publicize this:

Project What’s after SPM?

One book. One hundred different stories.

A group of people are planning to publish a book on paths that you can take after completing your high school education. I thought this was a very good idea since I was pretty lost after SPM myself. You can choose to contribute by submitting your very own story on which path you took, help them translate the submissions to chinese/tamil/malay, or monetary contributions so they can print out more copies! click here again for more details!

And I will contribute to these two blogs as well!


Then at night, I went to this other talk on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and got all depressed again T___T

Despite thinking that I do already know what’s going on, I felt disgusted at my ignorance for not getting my facts straight first. I felt stupid for even thinking if there was a side that was right or wrong. Truth is, it wasn’t who is right or wrong. Can we really justify the actions of these people and decide who was the one who should be condemned and who should be sympathized? If there’s one thing my liberal arts education has taught me, it’s that an action can never tell you completely how someone should be judged.

In the minds of the people who have done what they did, they were all right. So who are we to say what’s not? Do we follow the international laws to define their actions and if it was against the law, it is therefore wrong? The reasoning behind the laws was set up by fellow human beings as well. So these people who set up the laws are supposedly those who have the highest morality of them all? But wait don’t get me wrong. What has happened was obviously in direct violation of the human rights law so I’m not saying their actions can be justified.

The issue of how subjective these actions are was also brought up and this is what I hate most. I hate it when people throw around the word ‘subjective’ loosely like that. If something was subjective, does it mean we can’t really talk about it because there can be a lot of ways to go around it? By saying these actions by either party were subjective and cannot be interpreted by anyone but themselves, are we giving them a leeway of what they did?

Argh I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore @_@ So now I’m really confused. What do you all think?

Anyway I have to get started on my papers now bye T_T

p.s: ok continue doing this poll.


  1. jammie says:

    but don’t you think the current mentality links education to ensuring a good life for your ownself, not really for the country? i suppose it’s a bit selfish… but maybe more practical… (cos if you got no money to eat the government will have to feed you wtf)

    and i never thought that a certain party was right/wrong… these people wouldn’t have done all those deeds on baseless grounds :/

  2. clem says:

    haha i swear Econ professors/lecturers are the best people ever, mine is strict as hell but she’s damn interesting la. when she kept kaitkan what we learn with isu-isu semasa (aka stupid government decisions or ventured a bit into politics) .. my respect for her increases. in fact she told us that she also attended a talk by her ex-Econs professor who’s currently working for UN, who told the audience that Mahathir hates him ’cause he’s very critical of Mahathir’s policies during his term as a PM.

    but I believe even though different people have different reasons to take up education (mostly for personal reasons like self-improvement, improving job prospects, etc), logically even if everyone thinks this way it doesn’t matter la.. ’cause if they enter the workforce in malaysia, they’d surely contribute to the country’s growth. but sadly we don’t really have that high of a pay or good policies for certain quarters like doctors serving at a government hospital, which is why there’s plenty of brain drain. not to mention that malaysian politics are such a joke right now that i personally wouldn’t have minded working abroad.

    no comment on israel-palestinian war since i don’t know the situation well enough, but i read an article once that basically says, no matter who is ‘right’ or who is ‘wrong’ in the war, killing children, women and other innocent civilians is just downright wrong. there’s no subjectiveness about it at all, i feel lah personally – unless you’re more morally deficient than me wtf.

  3. SuZi says:

    i do hope our country is less defined by race and religions too..
    i hate it when people are so judgemental about other race, they don’t even know them(other race) but already set aside a negative thought about them based on what they heard and saw from other people..
    one person from that race maybe had done something that offended others but not all of them are the same..
    haih…i wish people in Malaysia are more open-minded..

  4. lalala~! says:

    pening d me… about the whole “subjective” thing..

    it was really nice of u to even think of coming back to msia and serve ur country and rakyat…

    i duno if what im gonna say now has anything to do with ur post but im gonna say it anyway… i feel that our whole government people are all BN/UMNO people… even the police and BPR even the media (except the net)…. like the Kugan guy… the police wack the poor guy until he died… this is only one… just imagine so many other more… the same people has been in charge for a way long time thats why all this shit is happening… if u wanna come to serve all this wicked people i think u might as well stay there…

    wahhhhh so long n i sound so serious..

    p.s: missing ur emoness… :p

  5. Nghi says:

    Hmmm favorite econ professor… does his last name start with an H and end with a Y? =D If so hes my favorite too 🙂

    And this is both sad and embarassing.. but I must have dozed off for a bit/while since I can’t recall he talked about the importance of education 😐

  6. N says:

    Sometimes when we humans get some unselfish perspective we tend to think of this question on how our existence can mean more to those around us. It isn’t an easy thing to do, afterall, we don’t get these moments of perspective often and when we do they tend to not last long. They’ll soon get clouded and obscured with the world’s ever suffocating reality and daily tasks. This is the saddest part because we only see what we SHOULD see ever now and then and they don’t last long enough for us to take action, atleast no action that is sustaining. Do you think you will contribute to humanity by being a politician? My view as a person that has first hand knowledge on our local politics is that it is nothing but inhumane and anyone bringing anything opposite of that will be killed off very early. Money talks and nothing else has a voice. Obama wouldn’t make it to be PM here…we Malaysians are a different bunch, most of us atleast.

    Of course by just feeding a starving kitten; recycling; reusing; smiling more; etc etc we can contribute more to society. But these are random acts of kindness which we are likely not to sustain if you are living in this current time. Again, the impulse and drive for these random acts of kindness get obscured sooner or later by everyday life.

    There are however a small number of people who have found some internal compelling that has blown the everyday reality to a million pieces. They’ve put politics aside and got on with the work of truely helping. Gandhi, Mother Teresa are good examples. The question is, are you like them or are you like me?

  7. Joanne says:

    I will eventually go back after my degree in the UK. I am not as ambitious, so being a politician, bringing a change to the world will never be my choice. But I still think that EDUCATION is of utmost important. Perhaps a child’s upbringing can actually determine his/her mentality in future already.Blessed with very good memory, I kinda know what a child want and how do I learn, so hopefully I can formulate something to make the learning process a bit more interesting and instill better moral values in our children. So I hope what I will/might be doing will help my country in some way. I am not certain but I will try =)

  8. Chumi says:

    well, initially i didnt think about Malaysia at all when i left. i chose the best country n uni for my own personal satisfaction and growth. but then, when i realized that Malaysia could do a whole lot of change in the field of genetics and medicine with wat i’ve learnt, i had d slightest thought of going back. but thank God i ‘woke up’ immediately… i highly doubt any change will ever be possible unless the politicians who claim that they love the country truly show their love for the country n not the post n money that they’re fighting for now.

  9. shana says:

    I feel the same way too. Sometimes feel so bersemangat berkobar2 must find cure for AIDS, then suddenly feel like I want to just make money and die happy. But then if I do find cure for AIDS I will make money and die happy anyway. :p

  10. lincll says:

    i strongly urge you to come back to malaysia. you would have the benefit of a world-class education, which many malaysians can only dream of. it is so easy to badmouth ‘malaysian government’ and live a easy life overseas, but what about the disadvantaged youth in malaysia who have so many dreams but not the means to achieve them? i agree there are lots of unfairness here, but *hehe* hopefully all the racist+ignorant politicians die out soon and our generation, by coming together, create some real positive change. idealists and patriotic malaysians are too few, we need more malaysians like you~~! take care and ganbatte in your studies. =)

  11. cindy says:

    i’ve been thinking about whether should i return to malaysia too or should i work in the uk and get a pr and just forget about it… i mean, really, going back to malaysia to work has been not supported by many of my friends and family as they told me the current situation of malaysia being in chaos or whatever

    its actually up to you to decide what’s best for your own and your family 1st before trying to serve the country as the chinese saying goes “reign control of your family 1st before ruling the country”…but i’m sure whatever decision you made, your friends and family will always support you (and your readers too ^_^)

  12. sweatlee says:

    philip, haha no prob!

    jammie, then i hope we can all change our mentality. being practical yes but we can always incorporate our dreams to benefit the country too 🙁

    michelle, haha we’re like each other

    clem, yeah i read your blog! tht sounds pretty cool. i dont know i guess it’s not too realistic for me to hope that people will still come back no matter how much they’ll be paid. cause this is home after all.
    yeah you’re right, i think that’s the only thing we can judge them from, that it’s not right to kill innocent people.

    suzi, yeah true i don’t like that too.even harder to break these conceptions is when we’re nurtured to be that way, which really sucks.

    lalala, im not coming to serve these wicked ppl aka politicians, i’m coming back to serve the people. cheh damn noble sounding but yeah i hope all msians will think that way too.. despite the bad political situation. maybe im just too idealistic

    tara, no problem!
    i will most definitely try!

    nghi, hahha yeahhh he’s great! hahah did u??

    ben, how do u know 3 ppl voted? is that ‘3 people’ you? anyway it tracks the ip and cookie, so you can only vote once. sorry if u hate me that much!

    ok the rest i will reply after my class

  13. Daniel says:

    Well, the world economy is in the shits. Things are really bad.

    Firstly, will you be able to get a good job in the states? If your chances of scoring a proper professional job in your field is unlikely in the states, you should go home. Connections are king in Malaysia. Who do you know in the states?

    I’ve had friends who graduated from uni and waited to get PR in Australia. Now they still don’t have their PR, the job market is tanking and they are working in part time jobs or for small unknown companies…..

    whereas if they went home, they could be working for multinationals and making use of their skills.

    So if you’re a career minded person…go where the work brings you.

    If either country has equal career prospects, then I suppose you’ll have to choose based on other criteria. But for me, its always about career development first.

    Malaysia is corrupt/racist/failing/disappointing…but you do what you have to do for yourself/family first.

  14. Stefanie says:

    I share your grief about Malaysia. Often, I am asked whether I will go home after my studies. My answer is always “it depends” or “it’s to early to say”. Ever since I came to the States I realize that actually Malaysia is where I love and belong. However, the current situation in the country is forcing me to think ahead for myself.

  15. Chen Chow says:

    Suet Li, thanks for the plug on What’s After SPM! Looking forward to read your piece, and hopefully more people would share.

    On coming back to Malaysia, I would say that there is a lot of way for us to give back, and I would say that the opportunities are there. It really depends on what we want to do. I have never had a day that I find that I have nothing to do. Always have too much to do, from work to a bunch of activities. Of course, you can contribute to our home country without coming back too. Main thing is that you have a desire to give back! 🙂

  16. Porcupine says:

    To be honest, it’s kinda cute watching our dear Suet growing into a matured woman.
    I know how does it feel like when things are not so black and white anymore. There is no clear cut right or wrong.
    And it can be pretty confusing and depressing for someone who’s getting to know more about the world.
    And I don’t think there’s a specific formula or path to follow to make things right.
    It’s up to you to draw the lines Suet.
    It’s up to you to make your own principles and follow them.
    At the end of the day, what matters most is that when you look back at what you’ve done, you know that you’ve done something with all your heart.
    We all love you Suet!!!

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