March 26th, 2009
Once upon a time
Thank you everyone, I’m in a much better mood already. Well, I was in a much better mood but I just got back a paper and I didn’t do that well so I’m sad again……T_T
#35. 25 March ‘09
ok I know i’m totally cheating again cause I really forgot to take pictures! Anyway if there’s one picture that can represent my entire Wednesday, it’ll be this:
So there
#36. 26 March ‘09
Argh I’m upset cause this is the class I like most this semester and yet I’m doing so shitty in it! I’m making a big deal out of this B because this professor is NOT strict at all!!! and yet..sigh
the worst thing is 30% of our grade is based on class participation and I NEVER talk in class. Cause everyone always has such good ideas and arguments and I’m always too shy to talk =(
I don’t think this will be much of a problem if I was back in Malaysia. I think the professor will even give me extra 5% just to shut me up in class wtf but here I really can’t do it =( I’m constantly harping on my sentence structure and grammar and accent just so I won’t sound weird/stupid argh I know I shouldn’t think that way but it’s hard when you’re surrounded by smart articulate women!
Maybe I’m not cut out to be in a liberal arts college after all. I never have an opinion, I’m not remotely articulate AT ALL, and I can’t argue anything well enough to save my ass. But maybe..that’s why I’m here..to learn and learn I shall! *sudden surge of optimism wtf
Sigh I’m such a boring person. Once I’m not whining about my sadness, I’m complaining about my grades. How boring can I get! Let me think of something unboring..erm..OK here’s a video of me doing an exotic belly dance!
HaHAha! kidding!
ok for realz, here’s a video of me playing strip poker!!
HAHA kidding again! You think my life so exciting meh! The only video I have is of me playing basketball alone wtf but I took it vertically so I’m not going to upload it or you’d have to spend the next 2 minutes craning your neck.
Some more it’s seriously just a video of me shooting balls. seriously. Just me..alone..shooting balls. That will probably be the saddest video ever. There’s no happy ending or anything, no moral of the story, no punch line, nothing exciting..just me..alone..shooting balls. ok this is getting annoying.
See! you either get sad suet who goes on and on about the weight of her heart or a crazy suet who goes on and on about shooting balls. don’t worry tomorrow will be a happier day. I promise!
p.s: the greatest mystery of all time that I really want to know: why did Father Mckenzie wipe the dirt on his hands as he walked from eleanor rigby’s grave? and why was nobody saved? what did it mean?
No related posts.
I have the same problem when I talk to my supervisor, who’s an Australian. I always have to make the sentence in my head before actually saying it out coz I don’t want it to come out all weird and funny, even though I’ve been speaking English all my life. Fail.
I got two accidental B+/B’s so far. Both times because I forgot/didn’t know I will be graded. Which made me really angry but I can’t be because it’s my own fault
Now I don’t know if i still can get A overalls for those classes ><
Hello Suet Li! What happened to the email you were supposed to reply to!
On another note, I get that same problem in English classes too. I take too long to figure out how to phrase my sentences in the most American way imaginable and by the time I am done, someone already mentioned what I was about to say.
And at least you aren’t below the median, in ECON, 102, Macroecon.
I got back my midterms too.. Did kind of shitty in both of them.. :(..
Oh Suet, I’d say you just voiced what most Malaysians studying overseas feel! Indeed, back in Malaysia - or even speaking to fellow Msians - one can go on and on in the most tireless fashion and yet when it comes to class discussions and supervisions, it’s as though we’re under a silencing charm
Oh well, one is on that continuing quest to have!more!confidence!
another virtual hug for you *hugsss*
I understand what you’re going through. I’ve studied in UK & Aus before and I face the same problem. I think we’re just too shy to speak and we think too long to structure our sentence in their local way. If we speak Malaysian English, no one would understand what we’re saying..frustrating! Also, I think our education system in Malaysia is so different, where we sit in class all day long, and we’re not encouraged to be inquisitive.
not being opinionated and/or articulate is a curse of the Msian education system I reckon. Absolutely despise it. I always imagine how much better I’d be in uni if I was raised to speak my mind all the time. lol.
Oh well, don’t beat yourself up about it. Just be thick face and try. I always admire those exchange student with much worse english, not to mention accent, than us yet they dare to voice their opinion.
Anyway, jia you! don’t let this hold you back.
eh all abroad malaysian students face the same prob la i guess..too shy to talk wtf. ok maybe i’m not that shy wtf..the problem is i dunno wat to talk, wat to respond, wat to answer and wat 2 argue wtf. this is the problem! how to solve? i dunno wtf. all the ang mohs in my tutorials are like so damn giat berjawab wtfff
B plus is not bad what… for uni…
i’m damn not shy in class wan i just open my mouth and talk hahaha. don’t care la, just say! haha better to have a concrete idea/opinion in flawed English than to be a tin-kosong who speaks grammatically correct, americanized english.
Haha chill mami…problem with most of us we are always trying to be someone else…we are malaysians with our “lah” and such..that what makes us malaysians…so dont worry too much on sounding like others, as long as you’ve got a point to voice out, fret not, go ahead and voice it out instead of being sad that you never did…
It’s good to be able speak perfect English but hey, no one is perfect in every way…
*winks*
Cheer up…life ain’t that bad…
Just say whatever you want to say loh, it gets easier. And before the class, be a bit kiasu and get very familiar with the material to be discussed, so that you’ll feel more confident.
Oh and by the way I just saw my first video of 33 in the ninja video *eyes tears* KAWAAAIIII NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
errr. whos fr mckenzie? *BLUR* see youre so smart you know who he is wtf. i faced that problem too cmg from a small town and going to a new city to study, couldnt talk a thing. but just cause theyre articulate doesnt meant their ideas make more sense you know. you could say something you think is lame and it could way more intelligent than what everybody sez, have confidence suet! eh i wanna see you shoot hoops la are you as good as nathan scott from one tree hill
or better 
post! post! i need sm neck exercise yo.
we love la suet… actually i wanna say “I” but agak malu sikit la.. hehe.. no but seriously we do love you! it doesnt matter if ur boring ke or whinning about ur sadness or complaining about ur grades…! we love you!
and common u have to show us that videoooooo!!! i wanna seeee! =)
aww… yea i totally know how u feel. sometimes have to try so hard to speak with an accent and with perfect sentence structure otherwise they would not understand what are we saying. =( sux..
father mckenzie was the pastor at the church and the churches are usually surrounded by the grave yards.
so at the time, i think, it was the war period. eleanor rigby was a victim in the war, hence he had to bury her on his own because many people had died at the time. no one was saved because during the war especially in smaller towns or villages that are terrorized usually have little or no survivors to speak of.
the song is revolving around the hardships of people left behind during the war i think… how eleanor’s dream of a wedding was dashed as the man she loved had went to war & the loneliness of father mckenzie… <=)
um dont really know what to say. but i experienced that fear of speaking out in front of articulate americans and now im still experiencing fear to speak out in meetings wtf just cos im scared that im wrong =/
The secret is to sound confident.
Suet: “But, I would like to point out that mentioned interjection is superfluous at best, and could have been put in a much better way.”
Irritating classmate: “Oh yeah? How could it have been put better?”
Suet: “Well, of course I can’t come up with something right at this moment, but if you have been reading carefully, you would have surmised the same thing and supported this conclusion from the tone and context.” (translation: you stoopid, never read properly. now shut up).
Irritating classmate: *big wet eyes* “You sound so smart.”
PS I also want to see basketball video. So can learn how to shoot. Got jump shot? Also, got 33 in the background?
oh my goodness, i think i feel exactly like how you do over there. now in college i don’t really talk much in class because i’m surrounded by all these smart people. and it’s annoying sometimes when like someone else says a point/idea that you thought of.. but were too slow to say it because you were busy harping on how to phrase it instead of just saying it in it’s raw form. -.-
shana, haha yeahh me too T_T
xiao, T_T kesian! yeah me too sigh
fuhan, hahahhaa! u remember!! i remember too but i keep getting lazy wtf sorry! yeah sigh. i was below median for my econ230 class! then just buck up for finals lor
stefanie, haihhh
jing, yeah sigh. i really need to have more confidence!
jaysee, thanks! =D
ye, yeah i really need to change! but it’s hard =(
joisle, i always ask myself to try but i chicken out all the time! grr. but thanks!
jy, haha im not shy but dunno why shy here T_T haih.
michelle, it’s okla but for a professor who’s not that strict..
carol, haha i dunno why im so shy leh! i dont have concrete ideas wor how T_T
bavani, haha why u call me mami wtf. yeah i understand, i just need more courage!!
aw, haihh yeah. wtf!! u never see her how to be malay video mehhh she’s inside! faster go see it’s under my youtube account wtf.
sj, it’s a song! haha. nolaaaa of course i’m nowhere as good! im ok only la. dunwan post cause im not that good! shy la wtf
lalala, awww thanks!! ok i shall blog more nonsense now. nooooo im not that good i dunwan to show!
mg, haih yeahh =(
cat, hmm interesting. why did you think that she was gonna get married and that she had a man who went to war? but yeah that sounds plausible. or maybe he killed her? that’s why he was wiping the dirt off? i dunno..
aud, haih how ah we need to have more confidence!
aw, eh hello again wtf. yeahh cannot la i cannot think that fast. if only im in the debate team wtf. 33 not there la wtf haih i dont feel the love from u for me wtf
adelyn, yeah sigh! always like that one. how ah how!
That song I think is about loneliness of two individuals: Eleanor Rigby, a fictitious character who in my mind has always been the cleaning lady I don’t know why, and Father MacKenzie, who was supposed to be Father McCartney but Paul didn’t want to freak out both his dad and his fans.
The role of a priest, I suspect, was chosen because of the very profession speaks of loneliness, doesn’t it? Especially when he’s the leader of a non-existent physically or spiritually congregation [...writing a sermon that no one will hear...]. Plus, darning socks is usually wifey’s work, so I feel that that part of the song further accentuate the theme of loneliness.
Wiping the dirt from his hands: now, I’m not totally sure on this but in a catholic burial I think, someone [or maybe everyone, not sure] usually take a fist of dirt and throw it into the open grave. Why? Maybe a sign of respect or something. This I based totally on hollywood movies, so don’t go apocalypto on my ass.
So, anyway, I think the hand wiping is saying that their lives could be better if they’ve met each other, romantically or in a platonic sense, but as it were, they ‘met’ at Ms. Rigby’s funeral.
No one was saved from loneliness after all.
Gila lah, I spent more time on this comment than copying lecture wtf.
eh i have that fear of speaking up, even though many a times i am brimming with things to say but you know how when after a ton of premeditation u finally burst out with a few overladen lines they just glance at u noncommitally and lightly bypass the comment(incomprehension i think?) haihhh i.i
The song is about loneliness but Eleanor wears a face so no one will know how lonely she really is.
“Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door”
Its also about the church (Father Mackenzie). Even as Eleanor is suffering in her loneliness, the church doesnt do anything to help “no one comes near” Father Mackenzie writes sermons but he doesnt attempt to bring people to the church. In this way, he is also isolated and lonely.
“no one was saved” means no one was saved by God. You know how christians say ‘i’m saved’ because they believe in God and on judgment day, they will be saved by him and go to heaven.
“Nobody came” to Eleanor’s funeral because no one cared about her.
Even Father Mckenzie doesn’t care to be at her funeral. “Wiping the dirt from his hands” shows that he is trying to get rid of her memory and forget about it.
thats my interpretation of the song. although its interesting how you think he murdered her. maybe they slept together? “darning his socks in the night when nobody is there” means having sex?
i do agree that malaysians suck in speaking up =[ i do ask the odd question every now and then but only if i’m sitting at the most front row wtf so that i won’t get to see the billions of eyes behind my head staring at me.
hmm yeah. i actually realise that the only time i ever speak up is when i’m sitting at the front row…….
wow.. cat is awesome. she knew the answer kinda. oh well suet, i think u r more emo l8ly cuz baz is not there. hmm~ go plan do more things with yr gfs & c.. maybe aft shopping a lil u might feel betta…
wow.. Cat is awesome. she knew the answer kinda.. oh well Suet, i think u r more emo l8ly cuz Baz is not there. hmm~ go plan do more things with yr gfs & c.. maybe aft shopping a lil u might feel betta… look at the Devil talking! LOL
fuzzy, yeah i know it’s about loneliness but it’s interesting to see what people think about the wiping dirt off part. hmm. haih this song is so sad!!
ap, hahaha ya i know exactly how u feel!!!!!!!!!!! when i say something i feel like my words are all so jumbled up and that i couldn’t even understand myself! GRR
giulia, yeah i know it’s about loneliness, i just want to know what other people think about the last part, about the wiping dirt off part. i dunno maybe they had an affair? and people know which is why they shun the two of them. i dunno!
clem, i sit in front also scared leh! how!
jade, thanks =D yala haih but now i feel better edi!
googled this for you.
“Here is what I have always thought the song was about, and was surprised nobody else picked up on it. It is about the murder of a prostitute by a man she had an affair with.
Eleanor was a prostitute who went to Father Mackenzie to be saved. Why prostitute? ‘Wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door’ - meaning makeup… and since she can’t wear it inside the church, one would assume it would be considered too ‘trampish’.
‘lives in a dream’. She doesn’t like her life of a prostitute, and knows she will never get married like she sees others at the church (though she dreams about it)… ‘who is it for?’ - everyone but her.
‘Father McKenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear, No one comes near.’ Father Mackenzie has disgraced himself by having this affair, and the people no longer will come to hear his sermons.
‘Look at him working. Darning his socks in the night when there’s nobody there - What does he care?’ He doesn’t care if people know, and he continues the affair. ‘Darning his socks’, aka: having sex at night, when the church-goers aren’t there.
‘Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name - Nobody came’. They say die, I say murdered. Nobody came to her funeral, because of not only who she was… but what she was doing with the Father.
‘Father McKenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave - No one was saved’. Wiping the dirt, he killed and buried her… and tried to wipe away his shame (dirt). And in the end, not only could he not save her… He could not save himself. No one was saved.
Two very lonely people, who turned to each other to be saved… which basically destroyed both of them.
Just one guy’s thoughts… The Beatles enjoyed writing about murder sometimes too (Maxwell Silverhammer). I am not one of those ‘Beatle lyric = drugs’ people either… gotta give them MUCH more credit than that).”