Say no to domestic violence

It’s a great Sunday morning and I finally have time to sit down, breathe and blog!

So my job! I’m now interning at an NGO that helps women and children who live in abusive environments by temporarily providing them shelter, advocating their rights to them and basically help them resettle in whatever ways that we can.

My first week of work had been fun cause I was supposed to just come up with programs for the children and talk to them etc. Usually, I like love adore children but these children that I was dealing with were very very difficult. Eventhough I tried my best to be patient cause these children have been through hell, at the end of the day I just wanted to scream and throw my hands up in the air (like you just don’t care wtf). They almost never do as told and they start hitting each other whenever I look away.

I haven’t found a way to deal with them yet but after a few days, I found a way to enjoy their antics. Although they usually drive my blood pressure up, there were a few moments when I just melt into a puddle of messy goo. Once, I brought them to a nearby park and they went insane with happiness.

(I think they don’t get to go out and play a lot. Some kids told me that they never really get to play and watch TV. Doesn’t this sadden you when you think back of your own childhood? You get to watch TV anytime, play with toys etc and these kids live in a place where they can’t just do what normal kids do)

Anyway, so I brought them to the park and let them play whatever they want to play. It was a big havoc. They were running around and it was hard for me to keep counting to see if everyone was still there. They were fighting in different groups and it was hard for me to stop both groups. Finally, it got late and I had to go back so I told everyone that we had to go.

Guess what? Nobody wanted to leave. There was me alone who reallllllly needed to go, and 9 other kids who refused to go back. I pleaded and scolded and pretended that I was leaving anyway but nobody cared T___T

And then these kids suddenly just started singing. They sang a Tamil song and even danced along like in Bollywood films. Even the 3 year old one sang and danced!! How could I possibly be mad at these cute albeit monstrous creatures? They saw me watching them then they came to give me a hug and said they really like me T_______T How manipulative! Cause then I let them play a little longer *weak

I’m so sad that for some of these children, it’s not a question of whether they’ll fare well later in life or not. For them, it’s merely a question of survival. Can they even survive in this cruel society given their background and current circumstances? What will happen to these innocent children, thanks to their abusive fathers?

Working here just makes me want to grab every single man and strangle him to death wtf. I told Barry that after reading all the case studies of these abused women, it’s so hard for me to believe that men are nice anymore. Most abuse happen after months and years of marriage, so i guess we never really know a person. I walk on the street and look at each couple and wonder, will this seemingly nice gentleman beat her later? I look at married couples with kids and wonder, is the smile on the wife’s face telling me something? Am I being deceived by their faked happiness?

Anyway I’m probably thinking too much into this. For me, the lowest ever possible thing a man can ever do is hit women and hit children. That is a complete sign of weakness. I’m saddened even more when these wives come to believe that being hit is okay because they asked for it by disobeying their husbands and because it’s okay for men to hit women.

In a lot of the cases, something usually happened like the man had an affair or the man got retrenched, before they start abusing their wives. THIS REALLY ANGERS ME! As if it’s our fucking fault that you are cheating on us and you are so bad in your job and that’s why we should be beaten!

ok chill chill wtf.

I think that’s why a lot of the social workers there are rather cold about all these. Because if they are so hot-headed like me, they would so find all these men, put them in an island and let them abuse each other to death. Oh, but before that, cut their penises off first just for the fun of it. I’m such a dangerous person to be around with teehee wtf.

But *serious voice* whatever it is, it’s never okay to hit women and children. You’ll be ruining more lives than you can ever imagine.

358 comments

  1. jy says:

    totally agree. a man who abuses his partner/kids is just SUPER CHEAP AND LOW. Everything cruel in this world is just result from human’s action..when will they (or we..) ever wake up? *sigh*

  2. missfiona says:

    omg poor kiddos. what to do, a tiny part or should i say maybe many parts of our lives are out of our own control. but then again, if you have the will, you can change whatever your current state is. anyhow, these kids have my sympathy.

  3. aylien says:

    I don’t think men are innately violent and abusive, but it’s just that certain societies and communities are set up so that men in those societies who want to be violent and abusive in a domestic context are able to do so without severe, if any, consequences.
    It’s still a man’s world, for the most part, and especially so in low-income communities where women are rarely empowered and don’t have access to a working justice system.
    Though I completely respect your social worker-client privilege, so don’t divulge if you don’t want to, but I’m curious if most of your domestic violence clients of South-Asian origin, specifically South-Indian? Do you think you’re being a Chinese, foreign-educated female affects how your clients relate to you?

    And yeah, I mean, “men” as a whole aren’t any more or less nice than “women” as whole, I don’t think. People have the same capacities for good and evil, but when you give someone power (ie, being male) in an environment where there’s no check on their power (ie, patriarchal society with a weak justice system), it’s natural that those in power are going to abuse that power.

    Again though, awesome that you’re fighting the good fight, and helping those kids smile each day.

  4. elaine says:

    YES! Agreed! Man NEVER EVER EVER had even a single reason to beat wife/kids.

    I always reminded my bf, DONT YOU EVER TRY TO BEAT ME, else I will do the same..hahahaha ~ Nola..but seriously, women should know how to protect themself nowadays, and MAN should be educate as well.

    Anyway, you’ve done a great jon on the kids. And carry on the good work! I’m proud of you, babe!

  5. wei says:

    there are all forms of abuse everywhere and you can never really know what lies within each person, a man’s capability of hitting his wife and child, a womans’s ability to hide the shame of being abused and still go around society seemingly to portray a happy marriage. Once an old grandma who was a family friend of my dad’s told me that her son in law was verbally abusing his wife, always calling her stupid and had no respect for her..the poor granny was teary recounting the tale to me and i was shocked cos this couple was rich, seemed ‘happy’ with grown kids. Apparently the son took after the father’s disdain and was rude to the mom as well. How horrid!
    Women should not be victimised anymore, and know that help is always available. it’s just sad to see how a marriage disintegrates and all your beliefs going down the drain with it.

    Try and detach yourself from the cases, if not you are going to feel really gloomy for a really long time. We cant save the world, we can just make a tiny difference!

    ok back to the books for me. Gd luck suet!

  6. Jamie says:

    I cannot imagine what those type of weird men are thinking, but YES! guys who harass their wives/victims sexually SHOULD be circumcised *evil laughter* okay I don’t know >_<“. maybe they should watch a gazillion of those abuse films and let them realize how cruel they are.

  7. Erlinda says:

    I totally understand this. my students (imma teacher) who are the troublemakers in class are usually the ones who are not happy at home or with the family. i’m glad that u bring hope in these students’ lives. keep it up. 🙂

  8. laura says:

    i am an early childhood teacher and i can tell you how the parents effects their children’s life. they get defensive, they do not believe in adults, they wouldn’t let anyone to be near them. i am so glad that you are patient enough to face those children. they really need it and it is a good sign if the end of the day, they can hug you.i’ve been working on my master degree in education and i’ve heard lots and lots of cases happen to children… it’s so sad.

  9. tamago says:

    i used to have a bf that seriously threatened to hit me when he got superangry. so i challenged him and ask him to hit away but dont be suprised if the cops come looking after him HAH. then he apologised wtf i think if a guy ever tocuhes a woman in a violent way, its best for her to just walk away and never ever have any contact with him ever again. its just unforgivable.

  10. Kevin Yong says:

    Just because you’re working as a social worker and you only see the ugly face of the society doesn’t mean that every man beats their wife and children. The world is still a beautiful place. There are still lots of nice men out there (Barry is also a nice man).

    You should think positively, or else it might effect the upbringing of your future child.

  11. lalala~ says:

    wah.. damn sad wei when u talk about the kids…
    u reminded me of my visit to the orphanage some time back…
    and there was this room so full with babies… just babies!!! like 5, 6 months… and when u go in only rite.. they’ll all reach out their both hands towards u… to carry them! damn damn sad… if u carry one the others will be crying…

    few nights after that cant sleep at all. until now still can remember their faces…

    that experience and ur post reminds me of how blessed i am… although not as blessed as some other rich and famous people but then… compared to them… T_T

  12. Kitsie says:

    I guess part of the reason why I find my circle of guy friends so good is cause the last thing they’d ever do is hit a girl? Cause to hit a girl is the lowest possiblke thing a guy can do. I’d murder whichever guy which lays a hand on me. That is, if he isn’t my brother or dad la. xD

    Take a deep breathe and think of happy thoughts the next time those kids turn in to gremlins? Its quite understandable why they’d be so rowdy and fight easily though, since they’ve practically grown up watching fights, but they’re impossibly sweet sometimes.

  13. cindy khor says:

    your post got me into thinking, whether is this society that we are currently in is really sick… just when i thought abuse cases went down, but this seem to be a never ending disease, is it??

    but i had swear to myself that if my guy is gonna lay a finger on me, i would not hesitate to give him back a thing or 2 before saying the break-up word (and i mean it).

  14. Jan says:

    I worked at a NGO protect and save the children before..
    Very sad to say from our research, the youngest child that got rape is 3mths old.. and the child cant even shout for help or say that she is abused..

    Work hard and stay happy =D

  15. shen says:

    hmmm..i think its not ok to hit women but its ok to hit children.. as in smack them till they sore and get their bums red for a few days heh..not till they bleed tho =D

  16. laura says:

    the theory said dat hitting a child can effect their emotional and psychological development. once they grow up, they will learn it’s ok to hit others including their children and their children will think it’s ok to hit others, the evil cycle will go on and on… i myself disagree with hitting. there are better ways in teaching them a lesson rather than by physical abuse…^^

  17. giang says:

    i worked at safe passage in northampton last summer! if you’re still going to be interested, you should look into volunteering there when you’re back at moho!!

  18. Ren says:

    i was hit by parent before but it was ok
    If it is for discipline kid, i find it alright.
    And thanks to those pain i’ve learned how to respect them well
    and know how to love family more…

    look at those spoil kids nowadays?
    their parent hardly discipline them…
    they pay no respect to their own parent which anger me a lot… =”=

  19. beii says:

    Don’t let the current environment gets you for that are their story and you can only do your best to help.Every story is different, and not all men are abusive.There are still alot of beautiful people out there.:)

  20. AM says:

    Suet, I hardly comment on your blog, maybe once or twice before. But I gotta tell you this. All these shits happen to people around us. My best friend’s ex boyfriend used to hit her too, she could not wear sleeveless tops cuz she gotta hide those bruises on her arms. I was like, man, how could she ever stand this guy for so many years? I used to advice her but she told me she loved this guy alot, and worse, he even cheated on her. I just don’t understand how could she stay on this relationship. Well finally I understand why she did that. I found out that my ex-boyfriend visited prostitutes. I was so heart broken until I felt like dying. I was so silly to have such thinking that “Oh well we’ve been together for 4 years maybe he’s bored of me.”, and thought of forgiving him. DAMN STUPID RIGHT? Well, to cut the story short, both of us finally realize that we were sooooooooo silly to forgive them. I mean, yeah, we loved these bastards, but what’s the point when they took it for granted, kept hurting you and didn’t appreaciate you at all? So ladies, please wake up. A guy who truly loves you will not hit you, hurt you, or cheat on you.

  21. hmm says:

    it’s never a problem when a woman slaps a man just because she has PMS. Apparently these sort of behaviour is acceptable, yes – “wtf”.

    not that I’m advocating the opposite.

  22. sweatlee says:

    jy, yeah sigh

    air, no it’s not ok either way, but there are more violence against women than men, hence the post

    missfiona, yeah =(

    aylien, i dont think so too. yeah i agree with you. erm sorry i can’t divulge all that much but i’m sure you can guess that yourself. i don’t talk to them as social worker-clients so i think they don’t feel as pressured? i don’t know..
    great comment!

    elaine, haha! thanks!

    wei, yeah verbal abuse is abuse too. yeah i’m trying really hard to detach myself which i think i will soon..

    clem, but these kids have sad pasts =(

    jamie, i dont think they’ll care! sigh

    xiangyun, yeah cause i’m serious like that wtf

    erlinda, thanks =)

    laura, yeah i really hope i can make them happy even for a short while! i’m thinking of a master in edu too..

    tamago, yeah but i can understand why women don’t wanna walk away =(

    mei, err what do you mean?

    kevin, i hope i didn’t imply that EVERY man beats his wife! Just that there are more domestic violence cases than i had ever imagined, so it’s just kind of shocking to me right now.

    nicole, thanks!

    aillemaco, thanks =D

    lalala, yeahh i went to some orphanages too and i feel like crying everytime =((((

    lilbunny, what do you mean? self help for what? understand what better?

    kitsie, yeah true!

    cindy, i dont think it’ll go down so soon =(

    jan, yeahh i just saw some newspaper clippings of infants getting raped. sighhh

    shen, yeah i don’t condone hitting children but i think a little smacking is ok BUT not abusing them regularly until it inflicts grievous hurt

    laura, yeah true. i’ve always grown up with being hit though.

    giang, yeap maybe i will!

    ky, haha of course!

    ren, but maybe hitting your kid is not the only way?

    beii, yeah i know =) thanks

    am, wow what a story! great that you were strong enough to just walk out from that relationship. totally concur with your last line!

    hoigi, i’m interning at women’s aid organization, we always need more help!

    ting, haha thanks!

    hmm, a slap differs greatly from being abused. most domestic violence cases involve being punched till it bruises, or being hit with objects such as wood or chairs. anyway, i don’t think slapping someone is an acceptable behavior. do women do that often?

  23. Shanshan says:

    The job sounds tough but seems like the kind of hands-on work you would want to do! I hope you enjoy and learn more about how to help those women and children. Good efford and best of luck liu han de xue ren=D

  24. Lyn says:

    suet li, i feel so strong about this issue that i so agree with you to cut off their penises first before putting these monsters to prison.
    I think if this was being practiced here in Msia, cases like this would diminish..
    Crime is crime, once commited a crime, pay for what u monsters have done!!
    DAM IT!
    i can go on whining about this all day long…. haha.
    Anything can be done to reduce crimes like this to protect these poor victims???
    hmmmmm..

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