October 7th, 2009
Entry One
As I sat in class today with a myriad things running through my head, I was transported back to small random memories of my summer this year. Memories of familiarity, memories of love, memories of contempt, memories of sadness. One memory in particular occupied the remaining 20mins of my class with such profound strength that I felt that I should just jot it down for future reference.
It was a hot evening sometime in August and I had one week or so left of my internship to complete. To be honest, I was eager to quit this internship not because I didn’t enjoy what I was doing, hell I absolutely loved my job, but because I was just being selfish. I had forgotten what my role was in this organization, forgotten the smiles on the children’s faces upon seeing me at the gate, forgotten the joy it brought to empower the women here and the prospect changing so many lives everyday.
But that evening opened me up to feelings I cannot begin to describe in words. I’ve never tried describing it before despite it being one of those truly life-changing brief moments because trying to describe something so fragile might just very well destroy its significance.
So it was one of those evenings in my last week of internship and I had promised to bring the kids in the refuge out to play. I had promised them this for many evenings now but either the weather had been uncompromising or too many of them were sick. Also, as painful as the truth sounds, I was also reluctant to bring them out because I know it would be hard to control so many children on my own especially when most of them almost never listen to me.
Anyway maybe I was feeling sorry for them for not having normal lives or that I was tired of being called mean names for not sticking to my promise, so off to the park we went. Eight pairs of big wet eyes looked at me and I suddenly turned from “ugly aunty” to “best and prettiest girl in the world”. Kids, what is there not to love about them?
The kids were enjoying themselves at the park running around and laughing and trying to run each other down and being upset and being happy and being normal kids. I sat on the swing after a game of badminton with two eleven-year old girls and had the conversation that will forever be etched in my mind.
It wasn’t anything big, just a simple conversation about their lives growing up, their aspirations, dreams and thoughts. I guess it was just the way everything was, with the sun rays, green grass and children’s laughter as a backdrop to such a nice evening. These girls were telling me minute details of their lives, details they thought were common in the lives of every girl their age. There was no anger in their voice despite the pain and abuse they had been through. There was no resentment, no hatred, only hopes for a better future.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever have such strength and wisdom. I never thought about it much then but everytime this scene replays in my head now, it elicits stronger and more intense feelings. In my moments of helplessness, in my moments of happiness, in my moments of despair, I will always remember the sun rays, the green grass, the swing, the children’s laughter and the two young girls.
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Gambateh
beautiful entry. : )
this post sends goosebumps popping all over my body..
must have been really a good internship.
i went to a public school in cambodia to volunteer myself as a teacher for a day, the kids there were all so happy and hopeful and thankful for what they have, even though they didnt have much.
they taught me so much, much more than i taught them. really enlightening and enriching experience that the both of us got
MEANINGFUL!
I just thought back about the time I was in Russia at the orphanage.
My school took a trip there for 10 days in 2007.
I know what you mean, as I had little kids calling me Mama, mama all the time. And during the last day, “the class” I was following gave me souvenirs even though they had nothing, so till today, I got a half used lip gloss, toys and etc.
But beats me up as much as this girl Lila, whom I have gotten to know the past 10 days.
While everyone was hugging us goodbye and all, she said she didn’t want to, because like her parents, I was leaving her too. I was going to cry, I probably did too.
That experience thought be so much, no words could describe.
And thus, I think for you too, you probably gained and grew more than you would ever imagine.
this is such an inspiring post of yours. its like telling me to appreciate every little free things in life which not everyone could enjoy. really miss being a kid where my only worry is not to fail my test and nothing else. right now, there’s tons of problems that i’d to deal with and which i’m not looking forward to solve them.
hopefully, the both of us could endure the tough times with a light heart and keep our heads high as we are power gals of the millenium (ignore me if you think i’m talking crap cuz i’m starting to get annoyed with myself too)
T_T sob sob. i feel you.
This entry of yours touched my heart in soooo many ways which I cannot put them into words.T____T
beautiful entry indeed… i wish i have a chance to feel that way~ it makes one appreciates so many things, even more… (:
I lap this entry
awww, sadly these are like daily happenings all over the world. But good that you wrote it out, at least that means more people will know bout it and hopefully together, we can do something bout it
gal~ u write so well!~ a bit touch~ :p
n i think u have the talent on writing a novel…tats the feeling while i read this entry….
great post
where you copy this from?
JKJKJKJK. I want to talk to you why you never online.
awww touching entry. it makes you want to be more appreciative of what you have in your life and complain less about the less important things. thanks for such a great entry! =)
Very very touching and inspiring post! I hope you always remember that feeling and hold onto it when you feel lost or alone…Thanks for reminding me that life is still beautiful with moments like these:)
that was very inspirational..:) Beautifully written, Suet Li. Sometimes the small things that happen in life can affect us in many ways.
wow i love this too
I remembered my own internship not too long ago (i’m not that old yet). It was at a local government hospital and I was an intern at several units. There was nothing but pain and suffering from the pain of 80 year old aunties having their 4th fracture for the year just because they had a little slip to children going blind in one eye because they were running with a pen and fell causing the pen to pierce them through one eye. These things stay with me ever since. I can’t see my niece run down the hall and not cringe with fear anymore because I always remember the little girl that went blind in one eye because she was holding a pen while running and fell directly on it and how I was the one who had to hold her down while she was throbbing with pain while we did her CT scan. I can’t stand to think of my parents getting old because I’ve met so many old uncles and aunties there that had literally asked me to kill them because they couldn’t stand the pain of living anymore with sickness and disease and the worst thing is that they couldn’t tell their kids how they truly felt about this because they were worried they’d make their kids too unhappy or depressed. I’d see them lay there in their beds and just cry in silence staring at the window or ceiling but yet I could feel their immense suffering and pain all at the same time. I think you’ve learned some things during this time in your life that will stick with you as mine have with me and I can’t say for sure if they’ll make you better because they might have just scarred you just as easy but let’s hope the lessons in life are net positive in the end.
This entry make me all teary up. Kids. Sometimes they’re naughty but deep down inside their little own heart, they are just the purest thing you could ever find on Earth.
Suet, I hope you wont forget this moment because I can ensure uit helped u now and in the future.
ish..now i have tears in my eyes. wonderful entry!
Good blog entry. Remoniscenes…
what an amazing entry..
No new updates for so long T.T
A very heart-warming post
nothing to say. but totally moved by this entry.