Five years down the road

To be very honest, I don’t even know how to start this post. I don’t know what to write, what I should or should not say, what is right or wrong, what is ok or not ok. All I know is I HAVE to write this post because otherwise I’ll hate myself for a long time to come.

Today is the 12th of December, 2009.

Ever since I came to Hong Kong, so many things have happened that my perceptions and views have all changed drastically. Nudge me and ask me 5 months ago if I was ready to settle with one person for the rest of my life and I would have called you crazy for even asking me that cause YES I AM SO READY TO GET MARRIED AND SETTLE DOWN!!!

In fact, I’ve even been upset at Barry for not mentioning anything about our future together cause I was that ready to just say yes if he had asked for my hand in marriage despite me being only 20 then. Everything seemed so certain then, because I thought no matter what happens, nothing would matter cause I love him very much and love will prevail at the end of the day.

A lot has changed since. Don’t worry everyone (mom, dad, uncle, aunty, friends, family, blog readers – phew so many people I have to consider), we’re still together and we’re still very much in love. Coming to HK might be a mistake, or a blessing in disguise, because although I don’t see my relationship as a fairytale anymore, I’m also no longer as naive as before to think that love is the only thing I need to survive.

There are so many other things in life to look out for. I was so willing to settle for an eternity of domesticity because I thought that was what bliss is. I thought being home the entire day waiting for your loved one is pure happiness. I thought being very dependent on each other is a measurement of how close you are.

I guess I was too blinded with complacence and comfort that I refuse to see the bigger picture. The bigger picture is we are more than just this, more than just Bazsuet. Being together for so long had obviously distorted my perception of how I wanted my life to be. I was no longer as ambitious with my life, because I had found The One and that was all that matters. But what about my own aspirations? Dreams? Can I be my very own person- just Suet?

Call me selfish, but being here opened me up to a lot of opportunities. HK is a city that has so much to offer and once I started opening myself up to all these wonderful possibilities, I find it harder and harder to resist the temptations. Being in a long-term, long-distance relationship during the peak years of my youth has indeed narrowed down a lot of things for me.

I felt like I was thrown into adulthood too fast and do serious stuff like maintaining a serious relationship when I could be doing other more fun stuff. When I first came here, I went all out. I had no control of myself and what I did because I kept this thought with me, the thought that I never had the chance to do all these and now that I’m here I gotta do them all now. And so I did. I had so much fun, more than I’ve ever had in a long long time, so much so that it never crossed my mind that what I did was hurting the one person who love me most.

After 3 months, I finally have had enough fun to last me a lifetime. I’m glad I went all out because I’ve never done so before and no matter how I deny it, it was very very liberating. But it’s time to snap out of it now and pull all my senses back to reality.

In retrospect, I don’t think there was any other way I would have learned from this. I messed up, I fell, I stood back up, brushed the dirt off my knees and now I start over.

Today is the 12th of December, 2009.

Today is a time to reflect on the many reflections I did throughout the past few months. I bet you’re wondering this as much as I’m wondering it myself. So what’s the conclusion? What is the outcome of this overall reflection of the many reflections?

Truth is, I really don’t know. There’s no conclusion and I guess there will never be. But that’s what life is I think. If everything has a clear cut ending, then no one will even bother living their lives cause it’ll be too easy.

Today is a special day because it marks the five years I have been with Barry. Up till recently, the five years have been extremely smooth sailing. We did long distance for 4 years and everyone kept applauding our perseverance but I never felt that it had been very hard. A month ago, things were very rough for us and we almost called it off. Coming to HK changed me, he said. The distance is too hard for me and the future is uncertain, I said.

I was so willing to bid farewell to our past 4 years and 10 months because I was tired of it all. I didn’t know how much longer we have before we can be in the same place again, I was bored of the same guy, and I have my own agendas now. But being his usual self, he held on to whatever sliver of thread and hope left. I’m really glad he did, because I wasn’t thinking straight then and seeing him work so hard slapped me awake.

I have no idea what’s going to happen to us but I know the road is only going to get harder from here. I’m really upset that I almost lost the one thing some people may never find in a few lifetimes, but I will forever cherish the lesson I have learned from it. There are so many expectations for us to not fail and I think it had affected me a lot. I wanted this relationship to be perfect, because I had portrayed it to be that way and my readers tell me that we’ll get married and that we’re an inspiration and I don’t want to upset family and friends who expect us to be together. But we’re just as flawed as everyone else.

So this is no fairytale. There is no “and they live happily ever after”. Well, there might be one, but not without a million hardships in between, under, over, on the sides, on top, and below.

I can’t give you my conclusion on my final reflection of my many life reflections, but I can tell you with 100% certainty the conclusion of what has happened. This semester has indeed changed me to the point that it was proving to be detrimental to my relationship. It challenged my previous belief that we will be together forever without having to work very hard because we love each other very much and that’s all that matters at the end of the day. Nothing lasts forever, especially not something as fragile as this that needs constant care and attention.

This is a long post, but writing it made me realize that I do have a conclusion after all. I do have a “moral lesson of the day” after all. I guess it makes looking at life more optimistic somehow, when you know that everything happens with an accompanying lesson of the day in tow.

So, after 1262 words,

Today is the 12th of December 2009. It is a day worth celebrating because it’s not only my anniversary with my boyfriend but also a day that made me realize how much wiser and more mature I’ve grown as a person. I’ve wished that we had met at later points in our lives when we’re both more stable so there won’t be so many uncertainties about our future, but looking at it now, it’s actually really nice to have someone there growing up with you 🙂

Happy 5 years baby. To all the possibilities and challenges ahead, to all the hugs and kisses, to all the hours spent on Skype and MSN, to all the flights and crossing of timezones, to all the tears and laughter, to all the joy and pain, to all the learning and growing, to us.

I love you.

dsc00104

Can’t wait to see you again!

P.S: 1st year’s post here2nd year3rd year4th year.

P.P.S: First Bazsuet post since September :O Everyone must have thought we have broken up haha!

525 comments

  1. Pearlyn says:

    Love this post! and the picture too :)Actually, after my first failed LDR relationship, I’ve already learned that, nothing last forever in the name of LOVE. There’s so many things to be looked upon but not just love and affection that can prevail everything. But glad that you guys are still together 🙂

  2. janice says:

    good post. i would say that studying in HK for u is indeed a blessing in disguise. i always believe that although two person can be together for a lifetime, each of them still need to have their own dreams and aspirations.. 🙂

  3. katesy says:

    It is great reading this post because it shows that both of you are only human.

    It is understandable that a new environment and new people would make you open your eyes to what the world has to offer. And it is always good that you experience these while you still can make choices. Even if your choice was to break up, it would be the right choice as long as you knew it was what you wanted.

    That said, i am glad that the two of you are going strong. And i never thought your relationship is a fairytale. Every relationship needs a lot of effort that you would not have expressed in your blog; hence the misunderstandings.

    I am really glad you shared because it sure does resonate with your other readers out here! All the best and i am looking forward to journeying with you. =)

  4. sheryl0202 says:

    Hey..LDR is hard but if you think in the end its all worth it then you will persevere!

    sometimes the colourful world out there will blind you for a while but if you sit back n think hard you will know what you need most in your life.

    Happy 5th year anniversary!

  5. N says:

    This was a nice and honest post. I’m sure everybody felt the oozing honesty and I think many can relate. I’ve seen it before in some of my friends and I’ve been through it also which makes reading this post feel very familiar.

    Actually many people have gone through what you did as well. When we’re together with someone for so long as things seem so certain (I’m speaking from experience) and suddenly you get a drastic change in life, a new experience, new surroundings or whatever it may be; it most often makes us think about our path in a different way and makes us wonder whether what we chose is right for us or isn’t it? These questions that pop up at these times are confusing, difficult, draining and bring with them a whole bag of mixed emotions. We even feel guilty at some point to even feeling angry at other times which makes it all more difficult.

    But at the end of the day I hope it has brought about a clearer picture although it may never be as clear as we’d want it to be. I’ve seen friends go on from this point to happy marriages and they are as happy as can be but I’ve also seen others go on just bit longer and end up failing just before marriage after 6 years of relationship too.

    Whatever happens, we can just hope for the best and that the choices we make do not turn into regret at a later point in life as we continue to evolve as people. Nobody said life or love was easy (and this is just the relationship aspect of these cross-roads).

  6. Jaclyn says:

    same same yo cuz sometimes i really fell like throwing out in my relationship haih time flies ppl change we learn and grow bla bla thanks suet your words have fully helped me in confessing what’s in my thought and heart i love love lurrrpppppvveeee you !!!!! or maybe I’m too young for an adulthood, still?

  7. sweatlee says:

    andrew, i like you too wtf

    julian, aww i didnt know u still read my blog!

    bee, thanks! i miss them too =)

    ena, thanks!

    pearlyn, it’s hard but we’ll work harder!

    strawberry, thanks! haha i know that song!

    claire, thanks! =D

    baz, yayyyys!

    ana, thanks =)

    janice, im glad i came too =)

    katesy, i cant imagine breaking up but yeah you’re right. thanks for your comment!

    carol, aww! i love u too! yays!

    alice, really?? im sorry T_T thanks im glad u liked it!

    suet, aww thanks!

    sheryl, yeah you’re right =) thanks!

    moon, =D

    bs, im glad u liked it!

    n, thanks, im glad it’s relatable! im just like everyone else too =) yeah im more certain now and not as confused anymore, which im happy for! i hope it wont end that way though, will be quite painful to break up after 6 yrs =(
    i like living though, and because it’s hard that’s why i like it even more. too boring without the challenges!

    jaclyn, hehe im glad! noone’s too young/too old for anything!

  8. bebe bonito says:

    :),ditto sweatlee,all the best to you n baz,happy 5th anniversary…

    btw,when will u be leaving hk?i can still show u some parts of hk that u’ve not seen yet!!my finals ends on the 19th(one more week!)

    good luck to you 🙂

  9. sherlyn says:

    wow!!! very glad tat u r back!!! after all those temptations…n yes..ive been once gone through the same stage with u..n tis is life! wish u both happy forever…n i do believe in fairytale…although i know it wont happen on me..hehe

  10. priscilla says:

    i totally understand how u feel cos i was in your situation b4. when i was doing a level in KL and my bf in penang, i had some of the loneliest time of my life(similar to ur time in US), i called my bf everyday and share everything because lets face it, beneath all the “love” we shared, the real reason is because i need emotional support. yes i do love him, but i know dat i need him by my side, dats wats most important. my friends admired our 2 years of LRD. but after i came to UK to further my studies 3 months back, things has changed dramatically! just like you in HK! im now in a new environment with people i can click with and i feel so happy now! till the fact that i do not need the support of my bf anymore (im sure you feel dat way). to cut the story short, i just broke up with him few weeks back because i feel dat me being 4 years in uk and him in malaysia will definately take a toll on our relationship. its not dat i ve found another guy, its just dat i feel dat i am now capable of being single now. Its not that i do not love him anymore, if there is a chance in the future for us, i dun mind marrying him, but for now, i wanna experience the fullness of my life now, we still remain in close contact, still best friends. Suet, i really know how u feel. but since HK is just a 4 month thing for u, i dont think it would affect you much, imagine if its a 4 year thing, im sure u will have 2nd thoughts bout it too rite…=) nevertheless i wish u both the best in the future!

  11. ..*AnNiE*.. says:

    Hello Suet!

    I know everyone has said this,but I’m going to say it again.I love this post of yours!I don’t know how,but this post brought tears to my eyes.Maybe I’m in a LDR and I’m with my BF for almost six years.That’s why I can relate myself to this post.

    Anyway,stay strong Bazsuet!It’s never easy but do have faith.All the best and happy 5th anniversary!=)

  12. sharinna says:

    i’ve gone through the EXACT thing that u did. well not the LDR part, but the emotional part of the r’ship as my boyf and i got together when i was 14 and he was 20..i thought a lot about marriage at such a young age and like u, thought i would be the happiest gal ever. the thought of waking up next to him and coming home to him gives you goosebumps in all the right places =). i am 17 now n gradually i’ve come to realize that i just wanna have fun still and sometimes i tried to break free just so i could ‘be single and have fun flirting with other guys’. but he held on to me all those time and we’re still together now. i’m glad that u and barry are still together. hope ur future will be great together ;).. btw, u might noe my boyf, his name is shahrizal from smk usj 13.

  13. smeech says:

    “A tested relationship is a true relationship.”

    There are so many tests and obstacles in our lives. We pass some of them, we fail some of them. Having being tested for so many times in your relationship, i think we’re safe to say that it’s real.

    Congrats Bazsuet. It’s been half a decade. Cheers to many more decades. 🙂

  14. sheera says:

    OMG thank goodness u guys still together *hugs*
    i was talking to my friend about this the other day. We’d wonder why we haven’t see barry around here for quite some time and what’s up with your changes, etc etc.
    Finally u’ve made it clear for us. I’m sooooo happy for you both and i wish you all the best ! Bazsuet forever! ;D ;D

  15. jappuffy says:

    Heya darling, Congrats on reaching the 5 year mark. U both look so sweet together.
    I always remember your surprise visits to him and its just too sweet for words.
    You are a very talented girl and will have a good journey in front of you and I am sure Baz will always be there for u.
    Thank you for making me believe that somehow LDR do work.
    You just made my saturday morning dear girl.
    Hugs.

  16. Amanda says:

    I’m almost speechless when I read this post of yours. I kept thinking what should I comment here..

    It made me tear in my heart actually to see that the perfect couple do have a lot of problems. to tell u the truth, it would be unreal if i see that u both don’t have any probs. I would think that it is farrr to perfect..

    I guess not everything is perfect; no matter how much we want it to be.

    I don’t think that u and Barry had broke up actually. I don’t know if this is because I dont want to see the failure in ur relationship or b’cos i’ve read so many great Bazsuet posts that I’ve been brainwashed by it WTF. >_<

    My friend once asked me how could it be that a couple of 3 years can break-up? I have no answer to that, honestly. There are many ppl who are in long distance relationship and break up in the end. But i believe that the only way to maintain such relationship is that the two people in such relationship must learn that no matter how hard it is, they must fight to keep that relationship going.

    You’ve definitely grown so much. I’m so proud of u, wtf. 😛 If i look back at your previous anniversary posts, this is definitely a very different one. I believe you know that too. =]

    Ok, i think this is probably the longest comment I’ve ever written. So i should stop here.

    Happy Anniversary, BazSuet! =D

  17. rachel says:

    congrats to you both!! and happy 5 year anniversary. 🙂

    as i am about to embark on another long-d part of my 3 year relationship, i know how tough it can be and how much soul-searching it requires to figure out if its “worth it”. i am so happy for you and barry.

    afterall, nothing worth having comes easy.

    ok this is totally unrelated and ruins the ‘serious’ tone of my comment but if you are looking for kdrama to replace Korean F4, you should check out “You’re Beautiful”. it just finished airing in korea! i thought it was super funnny and plot is honestly much better than boys before flowers…though main is not as goodlooking as min ho. hahaha

  18. Kynne says:

    Hi Suet. You don’t know me at all, but I’ve been your silent reader for a while. Tak tahu apa nak comment selalu, so.. this is the first time I’m giving my 2 cents worth. 🙂

    I’m going thru’ the same thing as you are, babe. The only big difference is… I’m 30 and you’re not. My mamat is 33 and your Baz is not. Lol. So the pressure is on almost every single week. “Bila nak kahwin?”. I so hate that sentence.
    But hey, life is not just about love, love, love. There are so many things that needs to be assessed and to be lived. Especially in these tiring times. You both are still young and have dreams that needs/wants to be fulfilled. So, do it. As long as you have each other, ain’t no mountain high enough, right? Regardless you both being near or far, remember that you have gone thru’ this for 5 years and still surviving and STILL loving each other. The fire is still there. 🙂
    So… Like Ellen DeGeneres always say… Keep on keepin’ on. 🙂

  19. wei says:

    hi babe,

    been reading ur blog for 6 months now since i was studying in melbourne.

    i’ve been doing LDR for a year plus and its been great, better than it is when im back with my bf in Singapore. but 4 years of LDR is amazing and shows alot.

    There’s alot of faith and trust there!

    I kind of got teary when you wrote about how hard ur bf was working to keep this relationship going.

    Do treasure him, for as much incentive it is for you to give up, so has he. so kudos to him. Afterall, men are supposed to behave otherwise. But he is so faithful to u!

    Have your fun in HK, i’d like to think that no matter where u are, what you do, we all need a place to go back to at the end. It could be Barry, it could be home. 🙂

  20. violet says:

    This happened to me too. The only difference is I’ve broken up with my ex of 6 years. I am a totally changed person but it was for the better. I do sometimes wish we met later then the outcome might be different. Happy anniversary to u and your bf. Hope u guys have many many more years together

  21. sweatlee says:

    alice, =)

    sj, suet da woman! wtf

    bebe, thanks! i finish my exam on the 19th too so HOW ABOUT THE 19TH???

    val, heh thanks!

    jaclyn, so shameless i like my own post! haha

    sherlyn, thanks! it will happen if u bliv in it =)

    dee, aww T_T yeah im really lucky!

    snail, thanks =)

    sharon, thanks!

    jaysee, heh!

    lisa, thanks lisa!

    priscilla, aww yeah it’s the exact same situation! i wish u all the best with your (ex)bf. when i go back to the states, it’s also long distance for us although not that far. hope that we can do it!

    nyrac, hahaha aww!

    onefourever, thanks!

    meili, thanks =)

    annie, im glad u liked it! good luck to u too!

    melody, thanks!!!! i like reading your comments!! cause u so excited hahah

    pinkpau, why u winking T__t wtf

    sharinna, good luck in your rship too! hmm i don’t think i know him..

    leeern, haha pressure!

    smeech, wow half a decade! thanks =D

    kreazi, haha happy bday then!!!

    sheera, hahah see! so much pressure of course cant break up! but thanks =)

    japuffy, aww thanks for the compliment! =)

    amanda, hello! your comment so nice! yeah i always wonder that too, how can u be together for so long then break up. then i realized that wow it actually is pretty easy. so have to really work harder!! thanks!

    rachel, thanks, good luck to you! it’s hard but it’s do-able too =) isit?? ok i’ll watch!! yeah it’s called meitu xiuxiu i use it to do the effects!

    kynne, hi, thanks for commenting! mamat hahah i havent heard that word in a while! so cute =D good luck to you =)

    wei, yeah he is seriously the best bf i have ever ever seen! im lucky to have found him =) aww your last para so nice T__T

    gook, is that all you’re gonna comment wtf

    violet, aww im sorry to hear that =( yeah sometimes the timing is so important sigh. thanks =)

  22. amber says:

    good for ya, suet! i myself have short attention span, so marriage is definitely out of the question! i’ve never think once that i’ll be married, it’s such a horrible thought to be tied down with ONE person your WHOLE life.

    love itself will not prevail, and i strongly believe cinta sendiri tak boleh makan minum. no love is lasting and forever. they eventually become sour and bitter. perhaps ‘cos i’ve been in somewhat broken family.

    i’ll die alone and be happy. giving birth to kids contributing to the world’s fallen birth rate will be up to BazSuet. i detest kids to the max! one more person in this world means more CO2 into the environment, and doomsday nearer. that’s why i don’t plan to contribute too much of CO2 by dying early (30). me and my friends plan to do that.

    anyway, omedetou gozaimasu!

  23. Steph says:

    I <3 this post to the max!
    Happy 5 year Anniversary SuetBaz!
    Wish you both all the best!

    (btw this is my 1st time comment here, I’m ur silent reader too, for about 1 year!) =)

  24. zwei says:

    happy anniversary bazsuet~ =)
    i think i can understand a bit on what u are going through and thinking. i am in a LRD too but not as long as yours yet.
    i love the last part of your post! and the picture is just so sweet. 😉

  25. jas says:

    funny my bf jst broke up with me and this post somehow has given me a little hope that things would be alright. (:
    we’ve been togethr fr 3 yrs. and like you, i think he wanted to venture out a little into college.
    im still holding on for the best.

  26. jy says:

    happy 5th anniversary! very long but i managed to read it all! glad that u guys are still fine. and i’m gonna read ur 1st,2nd,3rd,& 4th post again! ^^

    p/s: yes the air stewardess is slimmer but i think u’re prettier than her! 🙂

  27. amy says:

    first i scrolled down the post, then i frowned for it was sooooooo long, but then i couldnt help but tear when i read it, caz i too could relate to this post in the sense that even my relationship is startin to seem a lil routined but your post just somehow made me realise that i have found the ‘one’ and i too, am gonna work my ass off to make this relationship work..good luck to you and baz tho 😉

  28. eve says:

    aWw suet!
    this sounds really similar to what i’m experiencing right now!
    my boyfriend and i have been in this long distance relationship for about 1.5 years.
    and i must say, it’s really difficult at times.
    it feels really sad sometimes to see couples around me whenever i’m out!it makes me miss my bf more!and it feels really empty because whenever i need hug, care and comfort from him, there’s always this stupid time zone difference in the way. = – =”
    let’s stay strong together!=DD
    take care!=D

  29. Liz says:

    Is that the longest exam notes of which u’ve been revising a long while for ur exam? (chuckles). Definitely an emo_suet post. Hope it’s not too late to say good luck for ur exams and may u excel well in it too. Cheers on ur 5th anniversary dear 😛

  30. Raych eLLe says:

    I failed my LDR just recently, but glad that u re back to him. i agrees with everything u said. but well, the key to it is that, u wasnt that tough and rough at least when he slap and trying to bring u back to reality, u didnt give up.
    true that u can’t see what’s in the future, but it somehow good to have someone to grow up with U 🙂

    goodluck 🙂 and i like this post! 😀

  31. Eunice says:

    Suet, you are so right that you’ve found the one, that everyone wanted so much, but still have hard time searching for. Appreciate… 🙂 Many more years to come for you and barry. *self reminder to myself too*

  32. Janet says:

    Nice post, it remind me of my own relationship, I’ve been with with him nearly 10 years now. You are right about “I was no longer as ambitious with my life, because I had found The One and that was all that matters.”

    I was top student ever since Primary 1 til Form 5. However not so top anymore in Uni after I’m involved with this relationship. I’m still very proud of our hardship to maintain this relationship. We are settle down in a very comfortable home & lifestyle now.

  33. Nurisya says:

    i think that if you are able to get out of fairytale mode, the relationship will be alot stronger. when the fairytale bubble pops, you just see the world in a different perspective. it could either end the relationship or it could make you appreciate your partner more, you see and understand the hardships taken to hold on to the relationship. and it makes me soo happy that it’s the latter 🙂 soo, congratulations and all the best to you and Barry!

  34. Nicky TCS says:

    It was indeed a good post. It reminds me of myself and I’m waiting for the opportunity to arrive to open up myself. Good luck to you and may god bless u both always.

  35. mymy says:

    I guess this is when ‘real’ love starts 🙂 Happy 5th anniversary to both of you..and many years to come. How long it would be you two finally together again? I meant finishing studies? 😀

  36. Makeupgeeek says:

    haha. i actually wondered what happened to u and baz the fact that u post a lot with ur new guy friends compare to ur happy couple posts. Glad to knw u guys are still together.
    LDR is not that hard if both have strong will and willing to fight every circumstances. And encouragement plus give and take. Happy 5th Anniversary you two! Mine is almost 4 yrs come next march. Can’t bliv how time flies.

  37. mell says:

    its always good to know that there is someone there who will love you no matter how much you’ve changed and will change by you right! :))

    congratsss bazsuet! best of luck to e both of you 😀

  38. gwen says:

    thanks for sharing this part of your life with us suet. i’m sorry if us readers have given you so much expectations that your relationship will def have a happily ever after.

    i love Bazsuet because reading related posts ALWAYS gives me nice warm fuzzy feelings (plus a tinge of jealousy sometimes 😀 ). But i love Suet just as much!

  39. sulynn says:

    congrats! 🙂
    and thanks for sharing this post! all these while i’ve been thinking you and barry pull the LDR thing so well, i was blaming myself thinking that somethings wrong with me for not making mine as easy. here’s hoping you guys pull through many more years!

  40. sweatlee says:

    pinky, good luck to you too =)

    amber, what!! u dont wanna get married at all?? i’m sure you’ll find someone you want to spend your whole life with though! otherwise won’t it be lonely =( i’m so sad you said you want to die alone T___T DON’T DIE EARLY WHY OMG I FEEL SO SAD NOW!!! what you mean you and your friends plan to do that?? are u gonna kill yourself?? omg omg!! answer me now!1 wtf

    pinkberry, im sorry it made u tear T_T good luck too =)

    yumii, thanks! heh i hope so too!

    steph, thanks!! aww thanks for commenting =)

    ak, thanks!!

    aud, to seeing him again lor

    lily, yeah it’s true..sadly. and thanks =)

    zwei, thanks! ldr sucks!

    shirley, thanks! =)

    jas, aww im so sorry to hear that! i hope things will be okay =( all the best..

    jingjing, thanks! haha!

    ap, aww! thanks =D legend sounds nicer heh

    leeyee, thanks! =)

    jy, haha u read everything yays! aww thanks really ar *shy

    amy, hahah yeah i wrote too much >.< good luck =) clem, yalor longer than alot of things..wtf eva, good luck to you too eva =) eve, it's very hard but good luck! sigh i should really form a club lor then we can talk about our feelings wtf liz, so emo hor! thanks for the luck =) i need it wtf. heh he definitely is! raychelle, im sorry to hear that =( thanks =) eunice, haha yeah i am very lucky! pattirmina, sigh ldr really is a bitch! i hate it so much =( estherr, no problem, it was my pleasure writing to a great audience =) i wish u all the best too! win, i LOVE MY READERS!!!! muah muah! miumiu, thanks for the luck, we really need it heh! chefmel, thanks =) are u really a chef?? janet, 10 yrs wow that's quite an achievement!! i wish u all the best =) nurisya, i'm glad it is too! let's see what the future holds for us =) thanks for commenting =) nicky tcs, im sure it will one day! good luck and thanks =) mymy, haha maybe! real tough love =) 1.5 yrs before i finish mine but we may not even be together cause i might go grad school/work elsewhere. sucks! sue, aww remember to clean yourself up! later people slip wtf thanks =) sherlenn, thanks =D kel, dont cry!! T_T thanks =)) hbk, HAHA u damn funny!! ~!~! wtf vvens, me too =( not your bf la, mine wtf makeupgeek, haha i meet new people here ma. it's actually damn hard, even with the strong will! i hate it every single waking moment. actually sleeping moment too. i hate it!!! yt, thanks! mell, yeah it is =) thanks! gwen, im so happy to share this part of my life with such amazing people 🙂 thanks for loving me eventhough you don't know me personally *big wet eyes. makes me feel so loved! kai, heh he is right! wtf sulynn, thanks! im happy i can share this post with such nice readers 🙂 what!!! nooo LDR is soooo hard seriously i keep wanting to give up! good luck to you too =)

  41. emi says:

    congrats to bazsuet for hitting the 5 yrs mark!
    i’m really happy for u girl, that u ‘seen the light’ w/o a heartbreak. instead it strengthens u and ur r/s. i think many ppl come to this realization after break ups n all the sad shite. so u r a lucky girl who has it all *hugs gd luck for ur exams

  42. liz says:

    ahh congratz to u 2! it takes a lot of sacrifices and hardships to maintain a good relationship. i totally agree with u love is not a fairy tale. cheers to u and barry coz u both have made it this far and hope u 2 will have more anniversaries to come! =]

  43. Dia says:

    so touching le…I am glad you din give up on him…this is something u can look back and laugh at when u guys are already grandpa and grandma…Bazsuet, all the way to 6th, 7th and nth anniversary!

  44. SK says:

    Best wishes to both of you…

    Glad to see that you had managed to pause, stop, think, turn back.

    That’s the path of relationship.
    Nothing will be smooth.

    But in the end of the day, it will enable you to realise the important person in your life, and make (both of) you to treasure each other even more.

    I was once, like you.

    Our difference is, you had turned back, I didn’t.

    And I had carried the remorse and regret, for the past 8 years…

  45. amber says:

    @Suet: ‘cos I don’t believe in marriage nor everlasting love at all. In a joking way, my friends and I commented that we’ll die young at our peak, without ageing problems and stuff. Nah, not gonna kill myself, I’m way too chicken.

    Thanks for replying. U really took the time to reply everyone.

  46. Hayley says:

    I <3 this post! you’ve written so well about your feelings and relationship!
    i understand how you feel, there were times when i felt the same too, felt like giving up.. but i kept asking myself, is it worth it if we just break up like that? i mean, 6 years is a long way afterall…
    hopefully everything will be fine for you both, BazSuet.

  47. Sha says:

    hi Suet
    i’ve been reading ur blog for almost a year
    and this time i can’t resist leaving a message to u anymore
    first, Happy Anniversary to you and Barry ♥
    your blog is always an motivation and inspiration for me =)
    and Im really glad my bf told me of ur blog(1 day he gave me a link of u post about LDR with Barry, because that time i was uncertain about stepping into a relationship). b4 tat He broke up with his LDR gf back in Malaysia, and im kind of unbelieved how can a 2year relationship can end this fast (tat’s another story which i should not talk about here). LDR is hard and it really needs 2 ppl to strive hard to keep it going (although u often said its Barry always pull u back, I knw if you don’t want it it can just end that way *and im glad that u still not give it up*)
    Even though my bf previous LDR fail it doesn’t mean this time will rite. Your blog tat time really encourage me not to be afraid of the relationship and i’m glad that I said yes to my bf. Next month is gonna be our 1st year anni and I really appreciate it.
    I really LOVE your blog Suet, ur my first english blog I check daily (reading english is kind of a torment for me but I enjoy reading ur blog!
    Sabrina

  48. Jason (C.J) says:

    Happy Anniversary !
    Now i only realize i have been following ur blog for 5 years ++ dy..
    Time really flies..
    Anyway, wish u and baz have a great future ahead!
    Cheers and Take Care!

    Jason@C.J

  49. jean says:

    aaww suet, this is so sweet.
    i am a silent reader and got to know your blog from audrey’s blog but hardly leave any message (can count with the fingers in your left hand).
    Just suddenly feel it’s kinda weird feeling (even though reading your blog for a short time) but it makes me feel like seeing you growing and experiencing different things at different stages of your life..

    Thanks so much for sharing.All the best for your exams (is it over?)and for my exams too 😛 (not yet over >< )

  50. Lucy says:

    I’m glad you two are staying strong! I had the same experience like you! I used to think that getting married and waiting for your loved one to be home from work is pure happiness. Then I found a job that really enjoy working, and don’t mind working overtime for. Sure, the first few months was rough because he claimed i worked too much and partied too much but after that our relationship just got stronger! I’ve never been more happy, great job, and a great love life. My life is perfect right here. =)

  51. aillemaco says:

    Congratulations Suet Li. 5 years is really an achievement considering the responsibilities especially since you’re still studying and all that. not to mention its an LDR thing you’d going at. I’m very much comforted in the honesty you portrayed in this post and am glad that you meninded me that real life is never a fairy tale. Nothing comes easy, but the efforts are always worth it in the end. All the best Bazsuet. 🙂

  52. Carmen says:

    Awwwww (: I think this would be my all time favourite post of yours. I honestly teared reading your post. Congratulations to you and him, and I wish you guys the best in the future.

  53. Kim Ong says:

    Honey, you’re like pouring out my emotions in this blog entry but the only difference is, I had that one year in Perth and where I am now – married and those short few years of extreme clubbing was just right and enough for me. I felt like I’ve seen enough already. I think there are those who are deluded and think they wanna mature faster than they should and there are those who sit back, relax yet analyse enough to realise that they are indeed matured enough and can take steps to approach the adulthood at a much faster pace, so why not? You’re in the latter group. So, go for it. Happy Anniversary. He may be the one. If your heart tells you so, then he really is. Listen to the heart. Achieve what you need first (studies) and the world is your oyster.

  54. Tey Cindy says:

    distance makes one wiser. a lot! not many survive it, but i’m glad u came 2 yr senses quick! back on the right track baybeh~

    U know a lot of grls let go the guy who loves em so much for freedom, in the end when they got dumped they find back their exes? aiyooo… jia lat lo that one. XD

  55. Cline says:

    Wow, I’m actually so glad that you went through this stage! A real relationship is not one which does not have any arguments/problems, but is one that can withstand all the obstacles, and still standing firm at the end of the day. Because you so love a person that you are willing to find a solution/solutions to make it all well again, though there’ll be a lot of struggling/sacrificing/pain.

    I’m sure that your relationship has now been leveled up, a level which is nearer to marriage =) (though it may be still years to go)

    P.S: Help me tell baz that you love him…Opps, you did it already…But please remind him this always, and ask him to do the same ^_^

  56. W says:

    Hey Suet,

    Happy 5th Anniversary!
    I’m sure many have said this before but it is definitely one of the most honest posts I’ve ever read.
    My relationship was almost 6 years old, 1 of which spent in an LDR.
    Like you, he was my everything, my lover, my best friend going through so much in our lives growing up.
    Earlier this year I left Penang for Melbourne to further my studies and during that first semester I clung on to him like my lifeline.
    It took a toll because I could never be assured, not that he’s very good at it. Even before I left he was never very good at reassurance through SMS, calls, MSN and later on Skype. Only when I see him in person I feel reassured because only then I can see how much he loves me.
    While I was there I went over the line many times forcing him to reassure me in ways he could not and even emotionally blackmailed him with threats of breaking up.
    Something I’m very ashamed about.
    Much as I want to deny it, maybe he doesn’t feel as strongly towards me as I do him and all that pressure shook his faith in the future of our relationship
    He didn’t hold on to whatever that was left like Barry did, I was always the one who did that. For that I think you really do need to appreciate Barry, he truly is a rare gem, not that you need any reminding =)
    We timed out at the end of the first sem and got back when I came back in July for a month before start of second sem.
    Took a different approach by being more independent, both of us. Relaxing the relationship a bit.
    That decision had 2 consequences. 1 was that we lead happier lives because we didn’t cling on so hard and get hurt from all that missing. 2 was that it cooled down the feelings.
    All was very smooth this time round but when I came back he claimed his feelings for me have faded and refused to see me after just one date.
    He is probably going through what you went through, minus the change of environment but change of life yes because he just graduated and is about to start work.
    Like you, he may have lost sight of our “future”, the glue that keeps an LDR going, justifying the pain.
    It’s sad to think how a guy who used to tease me about getting married very soon could have such a change of view.
    He probably wondered if being with me has limited his life and so on, just like you and decided to let go.
    He told me this when I came back in July when we mended things, that maybe it’s time to pause and evaluate things but I refused and convinced him that we should continue instead of going on a timeout.
    Maybe that’s why I agreed to the breakup without fighting much, which is very unusual of me, because my own faith has been shaken like his.
    I’ve grown tired as well and this way is probably better, less pain and it’s not impossible for us to be together again, but if that happens we will have to start all over again because when you’ve been in a relationship for so long, you start assuming things about him/her rather than asking to know when you first start off in a relationship.
    I probably could’ve fought as said we can mend things, relight the fire during this 3 months I’m back here but having my faith in our “future” shaken as well, I don’t even know if it’s worth it.
    Mending things and get so used to having each other again only to end up being thrown back into an LDR for another year before I come back for good.
    It’s just much too painful that way.
    We are still on very good terms as best friends, which is very odd as it should be very painful but oddly it’s not altogether too hard because this is how we have been for the 2nd sem, just that it’s my turn to get used to life back here without him.
    All I can say now is that I will take my life one step at a time, one day at a time, live my life to the fullest and see what fate has in store for us, and me =P
    Probably have bogged you down with my story for too long.

    Wishing you all the best with Barry!

  57. sweatlee says:

    thanks everyone for the kind words and encouragement, and thanks for telling me all your stories in return too. this is exactly how i imagine my relationship with my readers will be 🙂
    sigh i can’t reiterate enough how grateful i am to have the most amazing audience ever. anyway i can’t reply one by one anymore cause i have to study for my exams, sorry T__T thanks again for reading and commenting!!! ♥

  58. Melissa says:

    Suet, i am an exchange student in Korea and also in a LDR with my bf who is in the states. And similar to you, i lost control over myself when i first came. The first two months i was just out drinking, and doing stuff which i would never do when im in Malaysia. I got myself tangled up in a relationship with one of my friend, which in result made him so upset that we almost gave up our four year and 8 months relationship. Like barry, he held on and like you too, i just snapped back into reality, realizing how critical this situation was. Thank goodness i never let go (well i almost), and now he will be coming over for Christmas vacation, then its just 2 more years LDR and then we will be back together <3

    Thanks Suet for being such an inspiration ! <3 <3

  59. lalala~ says:

    i just have one thing to say…
    whatever happens in the future i feel that you shouldn’t think about your family, friends, readers just because they expect both of you to be together. cause at the end of the day its only BazSuet. no one will be there for u if things turn ugly after u guys are married. remember u r NOT being selfish. its your future.

    take care! *hugs* =)

  60. cheryl says:

    i teared reading this. =(
    im 20 and my relationship (two years), its gonna be a LDR very soon.
    guess im still like the ‘old’ you, trying to convince myself that everything will be fine as long as we love each other.

    wish you all the best with barry. =)

  61. lydia says:

    this was exactly how I felt. My relationship is a few months shy of 5 years (almost called it off too!)- and it does feel too darn long, that sometimes it makes me wonder what’s wrong that we’re not headed somewhere? Where’s our future?

    I guess from then on, I reshuffled my priorities. And I’m glad I did. A happy ending doesn’t necessarily play out like what we imagined in our heads because there’s so much more ‘something else’s out there to look forward to!

    I hope that you and Barry will hang in there; because then, there is the possibility of a happy ending with him. 🙂

    Much love! xoxo

  62. Pix says:

    Suet, one day u will look back at this entry and thank God for the decision to come HK. Its better to go all out now when u r not married rather than one day u realised u r married with kids …and u have just discovered the word FUN.

    Its part of parcel of growing up, it happens to everyone albeit different times & situations. These experience will prepare u to adulthood where u wud need to settle down in future.

    Happy Anniversary & all the best in ur exams *HUGSS*

  63. kana says:

    oh my god,

    When I read this, I had a feeling of dejavu. The exact same things my gf talked to me about a week ago. About how we might be under living our peak years because we’re getting too comfortable with our life now that we have found love. We’re into our third year of LDR, it’s be difficult but beautiful at the same time. You’re both right about wanting to live your dreams, living with ambition in heart and making the most of life. The thing is, when we’re in a relationship with someone else we have more than just one dream to worry about. Everyone want to try out everything, fall down get hurt, brush it off and learn about life themselves but it’s not something to be taken that lightly. The basis of growth of our species is by learning through the mistakes of our peers. Why get hurt when you don’t have to, it’s like you trying to ignore edison’s work and try to make your own blub. Temptations are there and it never leaves, we just have to fight against the tide. Living your dream isn’t a sin, but once you have tied your commitments to another, dreams must be amde togather, not alone. Remember dear, you’re not the only one who wants their dream, I’m sure baz too has his dreams things he had sacrifized for your relationship just like how I have for mine. But, we’re human after all, ‘to err is human”, I’m glad you woke up from that short walk out of the narrow line ^^. Happy Aniversary, sorry if i had said anything hurtful. I really do hope you two will be there the next 10,20…50 years to come. Just like how I want my relationship with my baby last. You’re lucky to have an aniversary in december, new years are a freash start ^_^

  64. HC says:

    Hi!I have been a silent reader and I read this post almost a month ago and I hv been telling some friends about it too. So I thought I really should make a comment because somehow I could really relate to this post and you’re really telling what is in your heart and so honest about it. Its amazing.

    My 6 yr relationship ended a few months back after we got into a LDR. But it is not really because of the LDR.. Things and circumstances has changed over the years and me and my ex grew up differently. I still find it sad that it had to end this way, but I think I am much happier now. I left home for the first time and experiencing a whole new world by being independent, traveling, working, meeting new people..(i guess it is something like u in HK). I am absolutely loving my life here. We still talk to each other every now and then and it feels so comfortable but I just couldn’t see him as my life partner and we are not ready to sacrifice for each other yet so i guess that shows that he is not the one? Love is really complicated. :S

    I am really impressed with Baz, he is strong enough to hold on to what you guys had all these years and he seems really sweet. I think you really found somebody great. 🙂 I love reading your couple posts and it really does give hopes to a lot of couples out there doing LDRs. IMHO, HK was a blessing in disguise for you. You are young and it is good that you experience life and most importantly still being able to hang on to your relationship. I guess it was a good test and you guys aced! Happy Anniversary!

    I hope he is really the ONE for you and for now enjoy life and the journey together. Goodluck Baz & Suet!

    p/s: I know it is abit of a nonsense…I am writing this in a rush as I nd to get bck to work. Just really wanted to drop u a comment.

  65. GLoo says:

    I’m sorta in the initial stages of what both of you had gone through. And trust me, it’s not easy. I’m truly amazed by the way both of you worked things out, eventhough you were so far from each other. This post inspired me to believe in every possibility that a Long Distant Relationship will work if you put your heart to it. Happy belated anniversary by the way. 🙂

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