February 7th, 2010
What a feeling
I’m kind of upset today. I think I’m just upset in general that my lifestyle changed so drastically from being on the move constantly to staying in my room/library all day doing work. I’m actually happy that I’m back to being constantly challenged intellectually and to doing real work but I’m sad that it’s all just work and no play. I want to work hard and play hard you know, but that’s easier said than done.
I haven’t really found anyone who wants that as much as I do. Most of the people I know are just either this or that and I’m finding it increasingly hard to connect with anyone. I’m graduating in 1 year after this semester and I don’t want my reminiscence of my college years be of the memories I spent doing work/watching drama in my room.
I had a talk with my close friend in college today about this and to my chagrin, I found that we’re drifting further apart in ideologies. This saddens me so much, because I had appreciated the friendship very much and I don’t want anything to change just because I have changed. But there’s just so much to compromise now and what tops the list is my happiness.
I’m determined to show myself, and to people that you can play as hard as you study. I’m not having fun at college right now, to be honest. This is not what I had imagined my college life to be. This is not me, and I cannot see myself being repressed further in this stifling environment. It’s not my college, it’s not the people. I can’t pinpoint what is it exactly, everything just seems like it’s in the wrong place right now, especially me.
So, I got an award recently for being in the top 10% in my graduating class and yet I don’t feel anything remotely close to being an accomplished person. I’d rather trade my award for a decent GPA and a social life 
I just want happy memories to remember my college by, happy memories hanging out with friends and happy conversations about everything and nothing. It doesn’t even have to include partying, alcohol and scandalous things like that.
I need to find my niche, and this is not it.
I will wake up happy tomorrow and try harder. I don’t believe that my environment will decisively mold the person that I am. I will not let history repeat itself again and if it even tries to repeat itself, I’ll catch it by its knees and jam them hard into its ass. Let’s see who’s the boss now wtf
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i know what you mean. College life seem fleeting the people even so. Everyone in my class seem to be chasing after something and its hard for someone to slow down and connect together.
But I’ve a group of friends, although we aren’t close. I’m glad of their companion too.
I think you can do it if you try
At least you try, suet. you’re determined to find your own way and thats not easy. going against the flow of what normal people are driven to believe is the right way to find your own will be very challenging, also it will be lonely.
nothing will happen the way we imagine it. not perfectly. plans change, but your hopes don’t have to. in the long run, it could have happened that way for the better.
but what’s important is living each day like there is no tomorrow. don’t be sad you can’t find your niche yet even though your peers seem to have found it much earlier. be happy you have yet to discover so many wonderful things about yourself you never knew you had in you
there are days we feel so unhappy and lost and everything seems to be whizzing by… but you have hope. hopes for a better tomorrow, hopes for happiness. thats where wonders and miracles start, by having hope.
there is much pride founded through determination, which you will feel the most, even when no one is watching.
shine suet
live the way you want to. who else will? 
If u’re determine about making the most out of ur final year, I’m sure u can do it. I had a friend who was an average student in her earlier uni years, but in her final, she was determined to do her best academically and in curriculum. In the end, she did extremely well academically (she scored 80s and 90s for everything), and she accomplished a lot socially. Of course, she didn’t spend a waking hour procrastinating or being bored, which is what I and most students (i think) do with their time anyway. Her schedule was extremely pack. I would have been exhausted if I were to keep to her schedule. But I believe if u’re determine u can.
All the best to u.
Liew Suet Li, you’re not the one! Sometimes, I feel that being in uni is just all about work, work, work, essays, essays, essays, exams, exams, exams, marks, marks, marks, holiday, then back again to work.
I can’t even squeeze time for other stuff like university clubs/activities because I need to cook, clean and I need to sleep early or else I will just die in classes.
I really thought uni life would be so much better but it all turns out the opposite. You know, I started uni with this really-like-to-read attitude and ended up hating reading at one point during my first year. Really cannot tahan all the materials piling on top of me.
And I lost a lot of friends too because all of us are heading to separate directions/ communication difference/ intimidation whatnots.
So I feel for you. But you have to try. Like me, I have to try and be happy about it. I have to feel grateful that I’m given an opportunity to study because unlike my mom, she has to argue with her parents and her sister have to sacrifice ( give up school ) so she could study.
And also, you have to try to think that what you’re doing now will be like a brick to your unseen building in the future. You should be proud of yourself that you’re nearly there! So don’t give up! I’m sure you will find your happiness!
And I wish I could too.
wish that i could be there for you
ok talk on msn la personal stuff wtf
aww…hugs suet ^_^
I can so totally feel you. Last semester, all I did was do my assignments, eat in front of my laptop while watching dramas. And I did not hang out much with my friends because I was too lazy and I just did not bother to.
This semester I try my best to go out for meals or drinks with my friends, catching up with them instead of locking myself in my room. I don’t want my 3 years of uni spent watching dramas. And I learnt a lot about my friends and it does feel good. =) I think I like my uni life more now. I hated the thought of coming back to uni before. Now, I don’t love it but it’s bearable. =) All the best suetli. I hope you’ll enjoy uni more =))
wahhh your comments all like karangan wtf lolsss
I swear it takes some time to get into. I swear.
ILU. Talk to me more.
I read this and feel the same way. At first I was a total workoholic. But over X’mas I identified that things needed to change. I’m making as much of an effort as I can. But something just isnt right. But I hope to have stories to tell from my uni life except balancing revision, coursework and exams.
I hope you achieve that too.
Wow, Sweat Lee, I can understand how you feel mann. I have the exact same feeling as you in uni! Workload and online in the room nia! So sad huh? =.=
i know how sad and depressing uni/college life can be. i believe every uni/college student understands this,well u just gotta go find something interesting to do. make yourself and your life fun! there’ll be something outta there for you
liewsuetli come i sayang you. please come to nyc for cny. it will do you a lot of good. see it’s a sign: CNY NYC look at that!
please please you know you won’t regret it <3
I feel for you too. No worries. you can do it. Just don’t push yourself too hard. It’s ok to be different at times. It’s ur life anyway!
during my first 2 years in mhc, i met nice people. but i wasn’t having a lot of fun (the kind you could think back on and go, wow i had some crazy college years). like you, i couldn’t find people who really wanted to study hard and play hard, more of one or the other. so i transfered. but then when i got to my new school, it was hard to make friends when everyone already had their circle of friends. till today i still feel left out sometimes
jia you, i hope you find someone who shares your sentiments!
i am sure you are trying to join some clubs and all. but let me suggest to you to join toastmasters. it would not only help you enlarge your circle of friends, but also with your public speaking skills. in away, it would help you carry yourself better and give yourself more confidence let it be interview, presentations, etc…
i understand you only have a couple short quarters/semesters left. so enjoy and try to have fun with your classmates.. join them in a study group or discussion.
being in school is not all about grades, because it is a good place to hone your people skills. so take this opportunity to meet them for coffee breaks, lunch gatherings and school social events or maybe run for office. have fun!! anyway, good luck and god bless…
WA CAROL’S NYC CYN DAMN COOL.
Woah, angsty.
I guess I won’t be the first to say that this is a phase a lot of undergrads go through.
This is the part of your life where you realize that people change, and people who were once close to you might never be again. Its the time when you worry about grades and missing out on all the golden partying years.
I hope you trust me when I say that like all phases in Life, this too will pass. It will be one of those “shared experiences” you can relate to almost every other graduates you meet later in life if ever someone is brave enough to bring it up.
Jia you gal!u can go thru this…this is stage of life
Laurence, I agree with you!
dino, im glad u found your group
catwoo, thanks for your comment, it’s very encouraging!
joisle, haha wow she must have worked really hard! thanks, i’ll try =D
michelle, yeah actually being a student is not easy also sigh. yeah i will definitely try and not just sit here and let this happen. thanks!!
aud, okok wtf
jaclyn, thanks =D
amanda, thanks!
ping, im glad u changed too! all the best to u as well =D
cindy, hahah i know i love my readers!
lali, xx
yenwei, im glad u recognized it
good luck!
eevonn, yaaa sad ok must change!
jy, i will, definitely
carol, i will!!!!!!!!!
fiona, thanks i’ll try!
elise, i wish i had transfered too, actually. sigh but the academics here are very good lor. thanks alot!
crash, we dont have that here actually hmm.. thanks!
angie, why u so easily amused one wtf hahah
laurence, hahah angsty wtf nola this is so mild ok! yeah im sure it’s just a phase tht will pass too =)
onefourever, yeah i know =)
Hey Suet, I can totally relate to you. I was like that last year too… it’s a phase when you’re pretty content with the first goal you want to accomplish when you came here has quite been achieved, academics; other things start coming into the picture.
I know it sounds lame but from my experience, just keep smiling, do what you really and be nice to people (you bet you already are). Everyone has the right to live the life they want
party hard! you dont know what you want till you try it 
Whoa, things just got a whole lot eaiesr.