April 10th, 2010
This is where the heart is
I have so many topics I want to talk about that are very very dear to my heart, but I don’t have time how!! In fact, I have TWO papers due on Monday but I have this incredibly strong urge to talk about this today. So, let’s talk about my education. Perhaps many of you who just finished SPM may find this relevant and useful?
So I’ve always been a straight As student. Straight As UPSR, PMR, SPM, and I was in all the clubs in school. I was a super athlete as well so I basically did EVERYthing in high school. So I’m blowing my horn, but you’ll see why this is a necessary part of the story.
After SPM, fully equipped with my excellent results and co-curricular activities, I thought my future was set. The headmistress and teachers in my school told me that I would definitely get a scholarship for sure. I too, was so sure. Then, I applied for every single scholarship out there. JPA, Petronas, Bank Negara, UWC, SC, Sime Darby, you name it, my application was there.
I got called back for most of them, which made me even more confident. I went to all the interviews, and did fairly mediocre I would say. I wasn’t amazing, but I wasn’t bad either that’s for sure. If I have one advice for all you scholarship applicants out there, it’s to JUST TALK. Say whatever seriously, don’t ever stay quiet. There are lots of group discussion and it’s easy to get swallowed by all the other aggressive applicants so remember to just talk although you may not sound as good as them!!
Anyway, then the rejection letters came. JPA, sorry no. Petronas, sorry record number of applicants, no. Bank Negara, sorry not good enough. And they just kept coming.
Never in my life had I ever thought my life would end up that way. I strived so hard in high school with JUST one goal: to get a scholarship. All those memorizing, all those running around being president of this and that, all those hours practicing for my 400m, 800m, basketball, all boiled down to those rejection letters.
It shattered my world. I had no backup plans cause I thought I would be good enough to get ONE scholarship for sure. But alas, I wasn’t. For a while, I was so angry, so full of hatred for the system. I know I was more deserving than a lot others who got it and I was so consumed by my indignation that it took me a while to get back on my feet.
But hopefully if you ever had the misfortune to be in the same place I was, you would learn to not waste so much time being angry. But maybe being angry did fuel me to try harder for other things. Then, I took a few months to find out about studying in America, took my SAT, spent months applying and now I’m here.
True, I have to work so much harder now so I can pay back my parents and pay all the loan I owe this school. True, I don’t have a job waiting for me back home. But hey, I’m in a place that is teaching me much more than just how to excel in exams (some day I HAVE to tell you the beauty of the liberal arts education). I can’t complain much can I?
There is a lesson of the day here, and it’s to not put too much hopes into just one plan. (Bak kata pepatah, don’t put all your eggs into one basket wtf). If they say you’re not good enough, say fuck you and move on to prove them why you are. If I had a chance to redo everything again, I would go down this very same depressing path because it really made me who I am today. Without falling once in a while, I would never feel the need to buck up and to show how strong I can be.
Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not condemning the system (maybe a little..) nor am I saying that people who got it were undeserving. Heck, I know so many people who are scholars who are the most inspiring and intelligent people ever. I’m just saying if you don’t get anything and you know you’re good enough, it’s not the end of the road.
P.S: I applied for an internship with PEMANDU, a unit directly under the Prime Minister’s Department working with the Government Transformation Programme. AND I GOT IT! hooray 
Basically, I will be working with the government and I really can’t wait to do so because :
1. I’m sick and tired of cynics thinking that our country is hopeless and is going to fail. Someone has to be proactive and make a change. I’ll tell you later if working with the government will change my views later. For now, i’m as optimistic and naive as ever.
2. I applied for the education sector, mainly because I want to take my frustrations and anger with the system for not letting me be part of it to another level. I don’t want another great candidate (che wah so perasan) to be turned down by the country anymore. But I can’t deny that making a change will take a long time, not to mention extremely difficult. We’ll see.
Well, it’s been a long entry but this is such an important issue to me and I hope it’s been enlightening somewhat. Now, I shall bid farewell to civilization as I retreat into a 48-hour NO SLEEP REDBULL KAO KAO routine cause I have two papers to finish this weekend FML.
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so are you sick and tired of me? wtf
happy happy you got the internship!!!!!!
you know what’s another thing that grinds my gears? rich students receiving scholarships.
Super agree, I got a friend who is now at Kings College.
His dad is a Datuk, and pulled some strings. Currently living in a loft in the middle of London.
He is such a nice guy, but honestly… do not need a scholarship!
There are people who really do.
And did you know that some JPA scholars gets 500 pounds a month! Ridic.
Dear Lisa,
I share your sentiments on those who can afford it taking away the opportunity from someone perhaps, more deserving, if only by virtue of financial background.
However, although a non-scholar myself, I must point out that £500, if to include for accommodation is not really a lot
Want to hear the irony of it all…
It wasn’t for accommodation.
It was basically, spending money. And I kid you not.
I am not exactly sure how the government decide how much money each recipient gets, but from what I hear, it is messed up.
I know how expensive it is to move out, I am moving out this summer to a place by myself closer to school, and I am paying about 650 pounds. Only difference is I work 3 jobs paying for it.
Okay, 2 jobs seeing I am quitting one tomorrow. But yeah.
I don’t mind TOO much that you give scholarships to well off students, because if they deserve it, they should have it. Though I abhor when they use the scholarship money on Prada and Mulberry bags.
And this I know from experience. And I know it is happening.
i had the same experiences too. straight A’s, turned down by JPA. but i’m doing okay now. good that u’re coming back to work! good that u’re so optimistic
I got two assignments due on Monday as well.
Singaporean, but YOU INSPIRE ME.
Careful on the redbull! Take good care all the best!
Hopefully one day we can change from saying Malaysia Boleh! to Malaysia Bagus! one day and have everyone and every country agree with us.
Congrats on the Internship!! urm i’ve always wondered what is Liberal Arts Edu.. And always wondered what you’re studying cos i feel like you’re a science student and then you’re not cos u seem to study other art subjects as well :S
Urm i’ve never been a Straight As student.. but i can totally feel what u’re feeling. It’s like “SO UNFAIR!!” moments like that
Sometimes we just have to follow what fate leads us to. i think it’s probably kind of a good thing too that you don’t get the Scholarship and everything.. cos you turned out to be an amazing girl! (my opinion based on reading your blog posts). You inspire me somehow 
don’t know how to explain it but you really do!
Wish you all the best, Suet Li!
Congrats on the internship! I was going to apply for it until I found out I’m going to Botswana! Have fun this summer! >.<
Hi suetlee, that was a great post. perhaps one of the greatest by you that ive came across so far. do you mind if i ask how do you put up with all the teasing and jokes by your friends for being fat? like even though people keep putting you down, you still stood up and excel in everything.
congrats, suet! this post is very inspirational. and i hear you about the cynics thing – i believe we can achieve a lot of things if we just stop complaining about this and that and work towards our goal. you’re right though, one obstacle along the way only makes you try harder.
keep on keeping on!
WOW!!!!
Congrats on the internship!!!!
Go Go Jia You!!!!
and have lots of fun along the way!!!
Wow, a very raw and honest post. Your words do inspire people, you know that? And wheee for your internship!! *admires
hey, great post there! how did you apply for the internship, if you don’t mind sharing?
rich ppl getting scohlarships pisses me off too. =(
anyway, congrats on the internship..^^
i am sorry, but i have to say..u can’t change the lousy and rotten system..but..all the best!
one person by herself will not be able to change the system.
but a team of people who are dedicated to the cause can.
that, i think, is better than just giving up, like what you seem to have done.
I use to hate the system too.
I left the school before I did my SPM, and went right into a Diploma here in Norway. Meaning, I skipped a whole level and save me a year.
Then when I wanted to start uni, I asked for a loan/scholarship/grant/I’ll take whatever I can get to study here in Norway/UK… They said, I never completed my high school. FML.
So yeah, I am still in deep hatred at the system for that. It is only that I am lucky that Norway charges close to nothing to study here, I have 2 jobs and my parents can still scrap whatever they have to fund my stay here.
But on the bright side (as for you too!), I am now not tied down to Malaysia in anyway, they have given me nothing. So if I feel the urge and need to leave, I could just walk away.
Well i just finished my SPM so i guess this post is inspiring. I might not achieve what you can, Suet, but i am trying hard to achieve my dreams with my own way. I am a straight As student too, but too bad that my family cant afford my tertiary studies fund and i took scholarships, but i didnt get it either. And now i learned, i guess its time to stand up on my own, i am taking form 6. Ive received thousands of negative comments saying how hard form 6 is and they kept saying YOU’RE SMART YOU DONT HAVE TO DO FORM 6. But ive decided, and i want to prove i can do form 6. Well, just sharing.
Thats a witty post, Suet!
Haha looking forward to you, who can change the system!
XD
on the contrary, because of how hard i’ve heard form 6 to be, my reaction is normally “you’re studying form 6? you must be really smart!” lol
Mm, I’ve always of the opinion that F6 is as good as, if not better, than any other post-SPM option. Why not? I’ve a number of friends who found out what they really wanted after F6, and one of them’s doing very well, after applying for scholarships AFTER F6
Haha. but those of my same age thinks i should not take form 6 to stress myself out. They think college will be much better;cos its not that stressful.
But thanks, Amy and Jeeng!
After all,its gonna be different than form 5, and i am afraid i might fall at the moment i need to do best. Thats why this phase i went through for few months is really bad. GLAD I AM OVER IT.
Form 6! Haha thanks guys. (:
Well, let me first clarify that I did college, but many of my close friends did F6 and I wouldn’t quite say one’s better than the other, whether in terms of quality of education, or stress levels
I’d put it down to “different experiences” and leave it at that.
Just enjoy yourself doing F6, relish the challenges and if you discover one subject’s not for you, all the better – you know what NOT to apply for in university. Do take the time to discover your learning style – personally, I think that’s the most important thing you can take away from pre-U education. Good luck!
i love it when my readers converse in such an intellectual and supportive manner. i love you guys
Lol, and here I was thinking: damn, I’m turning this into a forum!
On another note: There are many, many points in this post that I find myself in agreement with you, Suet. Perhaps, if my summer weren’t so short I’d try for PEMANDU and who knows, we might’ve had interesting discussions over tea
But as it is, have fun and do write about the internship!
Thanks, Jeeng! That was really quite an advice. Thank you for the support, Jeeng. (:
Suet, haha it was surprising too. I didnt know i could receive such advices here.That meant alot to me, haha thanks to you Suet!
woah..congrats on the internship. do remember to share some insider story haha. good luck with your papers!
Great post. I think we need more msians like you to help change the system instead of just running away from the system.
such a meaningful and great post!
Congrats on landing the internship!!
I thought of applying but remembered that I did not take the SPM.. Hence, not qualified because of BM..
LIke this post! And agree with you. The country needs a change in the education system somehow. Always wanted to study liberal arts but Malaysia don’t really support this kinda courses so it’s good to hear that you’re doing well in it!
nice post…
showing a very mature side of u
guess this gonna help a lot of ppl that struggling at the same point u had before
congrats to you for the placement!
this is such an exciting attachment, wish i could be part of it myself to help transform the country!!
for education, i think one of the real issue lies within our tertiary education system and not secondary school. ie. why do our students feel the need to study overseas for ‘better education’ and not locally? why do employers prefer overseas grad? that’s something we really need to work on to improve dont you think?
I really like your part on the p/s. I’m happy to read that you want to be proactive to make a change, and that this country isn’t hopeless. I share your sentiment as well. I believe a good start is to be not cynical about it. Real change has to come from within the system, to be in a position of power to effect real change. Hope you’ll make an impactful change in the Government Transformation Programme.
hey! congrats on pemandu!! all the best =)
read this post and i just had to comment on it. i’ve been a reader of your blog for quite some time now and i’m so happy that someone like you will be doing something to change the system. i was fortunate enough to obtain a scholarship, but to be honest i really think there is something wrong with the whole system. after getting the scholarship, i’m now doing pre-u at a local college specially for scholars so i’m surrounded by them, and i must say that despite the number of a’s they’ve gotten, i know so many more deserving students who did not get it. and i always question the situation. it’s sad and it makes me angry when those very people who got it are already thinking of breaking the bond by not coming back to msiaw after spending close to a million ringgit of taxpayer’s money. and it makes me even more angry to see rich people here who obviously can afford to study overseas. what’s even worse is the whole “every man for himself” concept they practise and how they step on everyone else, and when i see their working ethics i wish some other person who is more needy of the opportunity got it instead. i was looking forward to studying amongst scholars but now i really am disappointed at the standard of the chosen scholars. so i realllyyyy hope in the future someone deserving, who is a great candidate will end up getting the scholarships. i’m still optimistic that things will change!
all the best!
This is what you get when scholars are picked based on their straight As.
The price of meritocracy, is it not?
not all scholars are straight As students, there’s the racial quota and for some less ‘popular’ courses, one need not have straight As.
…you’re the only chinese girl (that i know/read?) that still haven’t loss faith in M’sia~ T________T *sniff* terharu max
and that’s really cool
spot on suet! i felt exactly like you did when i got rejected.. for every single application i applied to
emo. i got straight A’s for all too 
but sigh, now i’m in the uk studying with daddy’s money and the thing is i still have 2 lil bros and life is gonna be tough on them and i know i will HAVE to make it up to them. when i grow up, instead of channeling my efforts for the government, i will channel them to help give my parents and brothers a better life.
sigh.. soooo many deserving applicants whom i admit speak way better than me. but no, they never got any scholarship
I got straight A1s for SPM and no JPA for me too while other classmate of a different race got it eventhough they they got less than 5A1s. Then i got straight As for A levels and still unable to get a scholarship or any loans. My parents funded my studies overseas and I have just graduated with 2 other siblings ready for uni in less than 2 years. I feel that the chinese are 2nd class citizens in our own country and it sucks. Not blaming other races…blame the goverment.
Congrats on obtaining an internship with the government and screw the quota in government scholarship!!! All the best!
This is good suet. We still have hope in Malaysia if we don’t blame isn’t it?
Would like to ask you, wat did u get for ur SAT? Did u use ur score to enter
college or spm results?
aud, no baby never
ooib, haha why u so many !!! wtf.
lisa, i know what u mean, sigh
yc, great job for u too ;D
michelle, woe is us
valerie, thanks!!!
strawberry, i think we can, we just need hope
amanda, i will definitely write a post about it then! haha aww thanks for saying that, it really keeps me blogging =)
sabrina, aww have fun in botswana too!
selina, aww thanks!! tht really made my day =D ermm i dont know i guess i was quite cincai before, so i didnt really care. i just wanted to do better for myself =)
T, thanks! keep on keeping on too =) what a nice comment!
melody, haha thanks!!
xiangyun, thanks babe =)
milly, here! http://bit.ly/PEMANDU good luck!!!
hannah, thanks!
mikey, i echo carol’s sentiment
carol, hey didnt know u got new blog!
lisa, yeah i get what u mean. im still willing to help though cause that’s where my home is, although i must admit it’s extremely frustrating to be denied.
siaheer, i really wish u all the best and trust me, u can definitely do this. one of my best friends did form 6 and she suffered so much but i think she turned out to be extremely amazing! u can do it!!!
veronica, i will if i am allowed to, thanks!
mg, we need to work together, all of us =)
eevonn, thanks!!
stef, really ah?? shucks..=(
pearlyn, thanks! a change is hard but it’ll come =)
ren, i hope it will =)
kitmey, i guess cause our tertiary education is not adequate enough for the needs of the bright minds in this country. definitely need to be reformed!
freddy, im glad you share the same views! i hope more people will feel the same too.
lysha, thanks!!!
kei, hi! that’s quite a sad story =( all my friends who are scholars are thankfully not like that at all. it really sucks =(
horse, it’s human nature to be selfish, dont think it has anything to do with being picked cause u got straight As though..
lizzie, im sure there are more people who think the same! i hope..
sj, work hard and you’ll be rewarded =)
violet, no i get what u mean. it really does suck and i hope something can be done about it..
cl, thanks!
revella, i dont remember what i got for SAT but it wasnt great. nope i just used spm and a levels!
very inspiring and well written! I always love to read ur thoughts! hehe glad to know that u are still not giving up on our system! all the best and take care =]
K, I am much older than most of you (33), don’t ask me why I am reading this blog being so relatively old but I just had to comment on this post. I had the same situation what 15 years ago? and it’s sad to know that it’s still like this today. Malaysia has a long looong way to go in achieving this OneMalaysia or whatever concept it is.
It is such an irony eh, the system which is supposedly to achieve a ‘balance’ between the races but what backfires instead is a creation of an even more hardworking,full of zeal and strive, bound-to-be successful non-bumiputeras and those who are complacent and lazy to start with, remain as they are since things just get easier for them.
Bah wtf! Keep on the good work, young Malaysians!
Old Aunty.
oh btw, what is SAT o.o ? Is it the one to take before studying in US?
congrats congrats congrats! Regarding F6, seriously this is what i think, if you finished SPM and still do not know what you want to do in the future, go to F6. That a year and a half made you realised a lot of things and you will learn a lot of other stuff too.
anyways, i already given up on the stupid scholarship thingy. i was never a bright student so i dun really care much about it. but upon hearing so many of my friends with great results couldn’t get them but some others with stupid results can get, made me feel so angry for them. The system is wrong and unfair and there is not much you can do with it. THe only way is to do it what you did. You did the right way. =D
every year budget they told us how much is going to be spent on scholarships and all but never seem to happen. so frustrated. sigh…. sometimes i really feel hopeless being in this country. it’s like we have no rights at all… U_U
that’s inspiring! btw could you let us know ur SAT grades? or perhaps what is considered as a good benchmark? thank you
You inspire me. =p Yeah, I went through the same drill as you. The worst part is a girl who barely spoke in the same group interview as me got a scholarship to do medicine.
Yeah, but I’m not intending to go home anytime soon.
One day.
“i love it when my readers converse in such an intellectual and supportive manner. i love you guys” LOL!!
hope it turns out well at your internship
1malaysia!! (out of topic wtf haha) and congrats on finishing that paper! boleh tweet jay chou / S.H.E song lagi aduh
very inspiring!=D
its interesting that you are walking towards the running wave of malaysian talents dying to leave the country .
congrats
i can totally understand why u wrote such a long post. glad that you have the idea to make a change. sick of the system seriously. and i agree, i’m a JPA student myself and i don’t think i deserved it, sad isn’t it. but i’m forever feeling grateful that i got it, but to go back and serve the government hmmmm… perhaps reading your blog more will change my mind 
i really hope i can be like you! don’t wanna lose hope in our country yet D:
You applied for UWC?! I’m an applicant this year- waiting for results now :/
hello, I have been a follower of your blog for the past few months and this would be my first time posting a comment on your blog. I agree with you that in order to change the country we need to make an effort to make it better. I get very annoyed at people who complain about how the country is messed up without taking the initiative to go and make the country a better place. We need more people like you to change the country.
congratz
liz, thanks!
oldaunty, eh not that old la! why cannot read my blog meh
fionx, yeap!!
yumii, yeah i think f6 is really good too. that’s why we need to fight for our rights! that’s how a country move progressively, rather than having everyone abandon the country.
jea, i dont remember, it wasnt super good! there’s no good benchmark, it depends entirely on what college you’re applying to and what their average SAT scores are
serene, thanks =) i hope you will one day
j, thanks! hahah jay chou la!
elly, =)
allen, i’m trying my best
jy, u should feel like u deserve it! cause otherwise it’ll make all of us who didnt get feel even worse. i hope u dont lose hope too =(
keefe, i did! it wasn’t easy.. i got uwc bosnia but it was still too expensive to go.
blek, we need more people like you too =)
shen yee, thanks =)
Very well written Suet =)
what goes around comes around.
what you should get, you should get soon, but in other form.
Cheers!
messilegend
Stumbled across your website! Someone in the office argued that there’s no such word as “bureaucratization” which you used twice in your essay
but all’s good. It’s just semantics … good luck!
I read this on the very day you published it, but wasn’t going to comment until i read a couple of the comments. Firstly, i greatly admire the way you bounce back against all your setbacks, by literally turning around and pointing the finger to them. And for that, i respect and salute you. Congratulation on your internship offer.
But, going on to my second point, a lot of your readers seem to have grouses on not being given scholarships. I noticed that there is a blanket ‘excuse’ being used for those said people, and the race card is always being pulled out. It is an admitted fact that there is institutionalized racism in malaysia, and it permeates within the education and sponsorship system too. Even so, every tom, dick and harry in malaysia knew about this, and hence gotta fight it out a lot better, with those barriers in place. The mentality that ‘i’ve got straight A’s, so sent me to harvard at your cost’ has got to stop. A scholarship is not a right, it is earned.
And to some scholarship holders that commented over here. You have won the scholarship fair and square, hence you are deserving of it all right. Don’t suffer from lack of confidence due to the bitching and complaining that goes on around you, saying so-and-so is better and should get the scholarship. You are as deserving to the scholarship that you have won, if not more so.
Look, I am not here to instigate a row. I know it is scholarship season and students are clamouring at recom.org looking for help to what to say in interviews and stuff. My advise? It’s NOT a level playing field out there, but be yourself through and through. At least you will come out of it, still by being yourself and being proud at what you do. Look at you Suet Li, you didn’t do too bad yourself, did you now? =D
mizz, thanks =)
messi, i hope so too =)
lx, wait, my essay was passed around?? and it IS a word. i’d really like to hear the counterargument!
reader, very well said. to be honest, isn’t it tiring to hear EVERY injustice in msia be justified with the race card as well? and what’s worse is how it’s so natural and easy for people to blame what they did not get on another race. true, i agree, like you said, there is institutionalized racism, but it’s an overused and overrated excuse for every problem we face.
that’s what i’m saying too. i blamed so many things for not getting the scholarship but in the end, i realized that heck if you’re good then you’re good. there’s no need to go around putting fault in external factors and i do believe that you will prevail. i hope that was what people get out of my post.
Seriously a very inspiring post. I saw your blog a few weeks ago but waited until now to comment. The way you live your live is very very inspiring. lol! i just can’t stop using that word. Anyways, keep up the good work and condolences.
P.S. You just earned a permanent follower of your blog.
suet li, it takes more to stand up when you fall. and you did it.
Totally agree. I’m an undergraduate student and had faced the same problem when applying the scholarship before.
Higher education is an important element in the majority of people’s life, because the education gained will help all of them build their own profession. Nevertheless, higher education is pricey and many college students have to compromise on the college they wish to go to because they are not able to afford the fees.