August 16th, 2010
Today I finally have the time to be on my own for a little while and I realized that I actually haven’t been alone in an extremely long time now. It’s really weird because when I had this phase of my life in Hong Kong, I was mostly alone in my thoughts wandering around Central or Kennedy Town. It’s quite funny how 9 months later, I find myself in the exact same position I was once. The same unsettling feeling of quandary, the same confusing state of perplexity.
So, it’s officially two weeks before I board my flight back to the states, and I feel so incredibly reluctant to go back this time. For some reason, this summer feels so fleeting yet very long at the same time. How do I explain this? I sometimes feel like it was only yesterday that I bade goodbye to the concrete jungle where dreams are made of, to the drunken stupor of 5th avenue. But at the same time, it’s only been three months since I came home but I also feel like I’ve grown almost three years in this time.
I think I have a lot of explaining to do and I will, once I have the time to sit down and to go through my thoughts. My blog has always been dangerously public and I’ve never felt the need to hold back until recently. Until recently when I realized that I am no longer the same person I once was a few years ago. But I guess people grow, and people change. Those changes scared the hell out of me at first but I think I’m beginning to embrace those changes and have grown to accept a different part of myself and the different life I’m living now.
All I’m asking from the people who know and love me is this one small favor. I just need you to stand by me and love me unconditionally despite my flaws and faults. I need you to guide me and not judge me for my actions. I need you to be happy for me although you may not be a part of my happiness. So I guess it’s not one small favor..but it’s all I will ever ask of you.
Sorry this post sounds so ambiguous and cryptic but I promise you that I will make more sense next time. Now I shall leave you with a picture of a happy me to mask the sadness of this post:
Today I realized that
I am going to be just fine.