October 26th, 2010
Feel Like Shit Day
I’m having such a terrible day today and I just want to curl up on my bed and cry to sleep..except that I already had 9 hours of sleep so I can’t fall asleep again.
Sometimes I really wonder why I have to work so hard and get so little in return when it’s clearly not worth it at all. Case in point: my trash job. Is sorting through the trash and getting your hands and body so dirty worth whatever meager amount you get? I know I said I really don’t mind doing it because after all it’s an honest living and I don’t have to ask my parents for extra money but on days like today I really just want to puke my guts out, literally.
Maybe today is Let’s Throw ALL the Trash I Have Out Day because today is just…trash-bonanza day. Everyone clearly emptied their rooms out because the trash bins were overflowing with trash! And that’s not the worst part, the absolute worst part is 90% of the trash consisted of food..and not just any food, they were expired, uber gross, rotten food.
with freaking flies and maggots all over.
On days like this I really question my own integrity and principles as a human being. Do I really need to stoop that low to make a decent living? Do I really need to put my hands into that incredibly mangled party of maggots squirming around in glee and flies buzzing around in joy just so I can buy, say, another top from beststoreintheworld Forever 21?
I was alright at first although after I was done with one floor I already had a following of maybe 3,000 flies behind me. But then I got to the second floor, and realized that THIS floor decided that today is Throw Your Grossest Food Out Including Lots of Ketchup Day. By the time I got to the third floor, I had ketchup all over me and was ready to break down and cry my eyes out.
Did my parents pay that much just so I can get myself drenched in sweat and ketchup and flies buzzing around me and probably a maggot or two snugged somewhere I don’t want to know?
When I finally was done with getting all the trash bags out and putting fresh plastic bags in, I realized that at that precise moment in time, THE FUCKING ELEVATOR DECIDED THAT TODAY IT WILL TAKE A REST AND NOT WORK.
I was so close to breaking down at that point you have no freaking idea how hard it was for me to remain my composure and pretend that I’m strong enough to lug NINE extremely heavy and probably bigger than me bags down four flights of stairs.
After I was finally done with everything, I looked at myself in the mirror and I was in such an utter mess that I couldn’t even recognize myself. I still saw flies around me (don’t know if they were imaginary or real, probably the latter) and I swear I felt something wiggling around underneath my shirt.
I then went outside for some fresh air and to think about my life. Yeah, I cleverly decided that this was a good time to actually think about my future and what I want to do and the fact that I should look for a job right now and how my love life is in a bigger mess than my physical self.
I went back in to shower and realized that my roommate had used my really expensive shower gel yet again. The 150ml bottle cost me $30 (long story short, she herself got it for me without telling me the price until after she got it fml) and I tried to not be petty before but right now all I had in mind was just WTF $30 I need to do 4 hours of trash to buy this bottle so whoever who used it without my permission will face my fists of fury!
Life, you really know when to kick me in the nuts don’t you?
This is why kids, you should study hard and not end up as a trash collector.
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Awww…
I don’t know what to say to you but… cheer up. I know you are a strong individual! That’s why you chose this job in the first place!
this post would be two times funnier if you substituted “fists of fury” with “tits of fury”
and how come you didn’t sound so emo when you bitched about this on the phone
that’s what my dad always told us! but of course he didn’t mean it in your way. i seriously want to salute u for what you’re doing now! you have such a strong and kind heart, don’t give up! cheer up suet *pats back
i’ve been reading all these while, silently. if you need someone to talk to, i’m always on msn
*hugs*
HUGS!
Hey, sorry to hear about the shitty day. I work at a cafe as a supervisor and it’s also shit when we have to deal with food, sometimes trash but hang in there and worst, bitchy costumers. Think about the money! If the job still makes you feel crappy maybe try to get another campus job? I’ve got a feeling that you’ll make a great campus ambassador/ coordinator.
Aww you poor thing…
I think you’re just going through a phase. A soul searching phase. Everything seems hard and bleak but it’s for the best. You’ll see. “Things happen for a reason and it always benefits us” Anthony Robbins. Maybe you need to learn something from all that had happened (including the garbage experience) and what you had learned is to prepare you for the best that is in your future life. Chin up dear. The best is yet to be
hmm…poor thing.. totally can imagine all those maggots..very geli to think of it..
well..is ur choice.. hang in there or quit..
smile ok.. life is like that sometime.. look at the brighter side..
You dont have to be a trash collector since it is so yakky. Cant you do other jobs to earn your keep??
awww… i understand how you feel! last year before I got this job right now, I worked in a pet shop. guess what i do most of the time. pick up shit. I’m serious.
every morning at 9 am I have to look at shit coz i have to clean the cages where the dogs stay. and seriously, these dogs really just eat and shit. that’s all. i doubt that they sleep. i think they shit all night long happily.
then by noon i have to bring them out for a walk, where they will shit again, and i have to pick up their shit. then by 4pm i have to wash their cages again coz they pooed again by then. then at 6pm i have to bring them out again to shit and i will be picking up their shit again.
seriously, i really thought that I am no more important than being a shit picker/cleaner at that time. and i often asked myself the same question you asked: “Do I really need to stoop that low to make a decent living?”
my dear, trust me, you will appreciate these times in the future. you will always be proud to tell people that ‘i was a trash collector before I am a professional now”. ^^ You will be awesome in the future. really, the trash collecting will help you build yourself towards the future.
Shit happens, Suet. I suppose this is one of those days.
I can understand what you mean by “Do I really have to do this?” because sometimes I ask myself if I really need 2 jobs while I’m studying at uni (which are no where as bad as yours but I still complain at time). Then some voice in my head goes, “You’re in uni! You’re supposed to enjoy life before you go out in the working world!” but before you know it, I’m slaving at my job again for some cash otherwise I would be guilty knowing that I could be $$$ richer. LOL.
I really take my hats off to you, Suet. You made such a big decision and though you may not be, but I, as your reader and I am sure your family too, are really proud of you. This job requires so much emotional strength and determination which I severely lack of.
On the other hand, is that what they are paying you?! I always thought odd jobs like plumbers and cleaners get paid a lot in western countries! If it is true, I think you deserve a much better job, Suet. You deserve a job that pays and treat your wits appropriately. Part time or not.
You may not mind having a job like that but I’m sure no one would mind getting a better job too. I really hope you manage to find a better job soon because life is so short and we females are precious and we deserve to spoil ourselves sometimes.
*hugs* Stay strong, girl.
hugs and much love!
awww don’t feel sad!!!! your long lost sister is here to give you a hug even if you are dirty and stinky!!!!! and next time ESP me first when you going to blog! now i’m 13th instead of 1st commentor!!!! *stomps foot like those lame girly girls wtf
suet, i understand how you feel!! how about trying to get another job?
I admire you that you would do a job like this. It’s quite an honourable job despite how disgusting it is.. I know how is that disgusting feelings. I experienced the same thing except i don’t get paid for it. T___T Haih it’s torture, so i know exactly how u feel.
The way u explain it, i suddenly realised that I should thank the rubbish collector/cleaner at my apartment. Her job isnt easy and yet she still can smile to me everytime she’s doing her job.
thank you for opening up my eyes to that!!
i’m sure your days will get better! every once a while in life, you’ll go through some tough times.. but always think like this – It’ll get better. I will be alright. Just be positive and everything will be okay soon. *hugs*
Kudos to you for taking on this job! It shows you’re really down-to-earth and humble. That said, why not try babysitting? (see craigslists) or working part-time for a professor at your college? I think you deserve a better working condition (and I think at this level there are probably 5 million jobs that qualify as having “better” working conditions) and you deserve to be happy!!
Money is not worth losing your sanity. Nor your sense of smell. Or your friends who have a sense of smell.
hahahahaha why so poor thing !!! Audrey also everytime she done trash she’ll bring a few flies back into the room hahahaha
lol. YOU’RE. too sexy for them flies, too sexy for them flies. so sexy they just…die.
okay that was just lame and not helpful.
cheer up, suet! (: we’ll wait for you to take a long hot shower then we’ll chill with beers. *pops virtual can of beer* i hope you like beer. anyway, the virtual icebox has anything you want.
michelle, or maybe because i cant find another job wtf wuwu
baz, yala i was damnnn emo then after that cooled down edi
eevon, how is doing trash kind hahahah u damn funny! u never talk to me anymore T_T
jac, thanks
LX,
i really need that
cheryl, yeah but cant get another job T_T plus i like this job cause it’s really flexible, i can do it anytime i want. haih i think i will too but noone else thought so wtf
momoe, ive been in a soul searching phase for more than a year now wtf why so long one! wywy
norick, ya damn geli la i think now also wanna puke T_T
magnolia, cannot find any edi, plus this job is flexible la so i like it aside from the yucky side of it
yumii, hahaha more like shit collector! but at least u get to play with the dogs no ar. i thought working in pet shops is the best cause can play with the pets! i guess not haha. yeah i always tell myself that this is character building wtf
samantha, yeah i know it’s just one of those days, it’ll definitely get better! i hope.. all the jobs here pay the same. on campus jobs that is, we’re not allowed to work outside.
chefmel, thankiu! much needed!
strawberry, hahahhaa!!! i forgot to turn my ESP on wtf. like bluetooth/wifi only hahah
valerie, cant find T_T sucksss
amanda, thank u, i’ll work harder because i know there are people who appreciate it! haha
fatham, international students are not allowed to work off campus here, and it’s sooo hard to get a job on campus cause everyone wants to work too. plus this job gives me a lot of flexibility in terms on planning my time so it’s good also la i guess. it’s just one of those sucky days. luckily my friends still wanna be friends with me wtf
angie, ya damn sad until when no flies also i swear i still see them buzzing around wtf
ricecracker, hahah! except that they dont die wtf. i dont like beer, i want air tebu can ah wtf
I can understand your feeling. I was in your situation two years ago, at that time i was working 20 hours per week, 4 hours every evening every weekday and studying medicine at the same time lolz. ANd because i wanted to save money on transport, i bought a bike and cycled 4 miles per way just to get to my work place. Snow, rain or shine I still cycled. There were many days when I was at the point of breaking down. I cried many times when cycling because I felt that life was so difficult. i was wondering why do i have to work so hard, why do i have to get myself drenched when cycling (coz UK weather is so unpredictable and it rains when u least expect it lolz), why do i have to sacrifice my social life just to earn money which i’m so careful to use and why do i choose to study in the UK when it’s so much cheaper studying in msia and my parents could afford.
I believe everything has a bigger purpose. working part-time while studying full-time is never easy. But all these will mold you to be a better person – to be someone who is strong-willed, determined and focus. so gambate!! don’t give up!!
Its a test its a test!!! Dont worry, it’ll only get better hey? xxxxxx
i will so be a trash collector cavorting with flies and maggots if it buys me my granny duds at salvation army… *sunk to depths of depths
yeah everytime i get fucked by the order of the universe like elevator breakdowns/last bus just left despite running two blocks to catch it and the like i will grit my teeth in determination like no fucking way this gonna beat me, i’m invincible! so in the struggle to prove my superhuman mettle i have developed masochistic tendencies fml yar if u see it that way it starts to be become self-gratifying when shit happens, cos u get to become super suet again yay wtf
depending on what your priorities are….. atm i have no greater purpose than funding my next meal and thriftstore find, joys of my life ;_;…..but if u have better things to do like future-building activities dun sweat the money liao u can always pay it back in kind
Aww cheer up..I know how you feel. When I was in Uni, I worked part time in Mcd in London. One day, I worked from 10am till 12am. 14 hours straight. And when my manager asked me to stay till 230 am to close up, I was so exhausted that I cried. In front of everyone.
Sometimes you just cant be that strong anymore. Let it out. Its ok to cry and vent. But in my case, my manager was so shocked by me tears that he gave me a hug and let me home straightaway. He cleaned up himself wtf.
awww i can feel you suet..except the fact that my job isn’t a trash collector. but same here, i sometimes wonder why i had to torture myself by working so much while i already have my sponsor paying me allowance every month? and why did i deserve such treatment from my uncivilized customers who called me A BITCH when I AM NOT BEING BITCHY? And then i went into the kitchen and my kitchen manager yelled at me in my face. Sigh. This is just life. And after u’ve calmed yourself down, u’ll find tomorrow better for sure!
quite this job already………………….lol
heya suet,
i know it’s hard, but really, you gotta do what you gotta do! i know the others wish you well and sympathize, but i totally understand what you’re going through. just this last winter (in june/july) i had to work for my lecturers… in a piggery. yup. it was the foulest job ever. feeding them was ok, but the cleaning? and the humidity and warmth of the buildings also meant that the place was teeming with flies and maggots more than half the time. and the smell of pigs dont leave you, not even after showering. my hair smelt like pig the whole month, i was embarrassed to even go out.
and i got paid… in petrol vouchers. not even real cash.
but really, at the end of the day, you gotta do what you gotta do. i know it’s hard, but remember! if it doesnt kill you it’ll only make you stronger. so hang in there, it’s not as bad as it seems!
Life is always difficult. But once you can truly accept it, you will transcend it and life will no longer be difficult. Be strong. You can do it.
**hugss**
it’s nice to see baz’s comment! you guys are still communicating (don’t mean to be nosy) but i can’t really do that when i’ve broken up with a bf. anyway suet, is there any way you could do another job, maybe a waitress job? you did serve kick ass lasagne
but if you are gonna decide to stay on the job i guess there will always be bad/annoying days but rest well and the coming days may be better 
yea, i’m happy that baz n suet are still in contact with each other!…quit the job suet!
Hey there,
If there ever comes a day where you HAVE to pick up trash for a living, you Suet, will be a lot happier doing it and be better off than those who never had to lift a finger.
So cheer up, being able to stoop down makes you better not worse =)
Suet,
I still remember working in the dining hall in the first year. Although they don’t make you very happy, jobs like these make you very very strong, and gives you the confidence that you can get through what ever shit life throws at you, and helps you appreciate the (better) jobs that you have. But if it makes you so miserable, quit it! Do it while you can (ie don’t have to pay the rent, etc.).
Best,
Long
Suet li, hi im same age as u. but i work 2 jobs. one of them is a secret. basically i get touched by old men at nite at ktv…and literally the more they touch me the more i can earn. and oh did i mention that even when i degrade myself like this and worse, behind my loved ones’ back, the payment for my body’s sell-out is…not guaranteed. these are typical stories of nite biz owners using us girls and not pay us in the end. i swear, sometime i wonder what is my value anymore. i think i’d rather collect garbage because at least it is earnest AND i will actually get paid. Alot ppl will say i asked for this, for being so cheap, i deserve this. yea, maybe i do…but im doing this for my family. i dont know how long ahead this journey will lead me…or if there’s any light in the end of the ‘tunnel’…but sometime,….u dont have a choice u just gotta do it. u cant imagine how many times i have break down and cried BUT yet, i cant tell anybody in fear of jeopardising my other career. All this in the name of helping my family. but in return what do i get, my self confidence is plummeting day by day, i will merely become a doormat, and i dont mind all this but seriously, with no promise of pay?? sighhh is this my punishment…
anyway im sorry i wrote this long, self pitying life story of mine. it’s DEFINITELY NOT a pitiful tale to top your story. no i dont take pride in that. but just wanna let u know that, u are so lucky, i absolutely admire your gusto…your principle of hard work. i admit i wanted to earn fast money, and maybe that’s what got me into this level now. really made me regret the day i buy into the agent’s lie and start this life. hang in there, u are just down for a while, if u believe in it, u will one day see the point in all these. u come out with your pride intact and better than ever.
…damn. Quit that job already, no amount of tips from perverts is worth you losing your sense of being and self-worth. You sound like a smart girl and you already know what the smart choice is, so do it. (I’m not making a value judgment against jobs like these, I’m sure some people really enjoy the attention they get in this line of work wtf) There are many many more jobs out there that may pay less but would feel infinitely more rewarding, so it’s just not worth it to stay in that job. If you can’t because you’re tied into a contract or something, have someone take a look at the details. There may be a way out that you don’t know of yet. Good luck =(
damn, i feel depressed just reading your comment
I don’t miss having a roommate myself. Dude used to always eat my snacks and ice cream while I was at work. Well I hope things pick up for you soon!
Hi, Great mail, thanks you, i like your treatise also!