FML trash story #185

FML trash story #185

So I have renounced my partying habits for a month or so now and I suddenly don’t feel like going back to that lifestyle anymore. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I’m pretty much done with my college life, pretty much sick and tired of the same scandalous¬†shenanigans of women making out with each other, too much booze and dancing with the same people every single time.

It gets old. Girls thinking that they are straight but then you see them with their clothes off macking some classmate of theirs only to sober up the next day and realize that they are fucked cause now they have to face that said classmate and pretend that they’re gay. And then you have the true blue actually straight girls, randomly slutting up to and sleeping with anyone with a certain overglorified sexual anatomy that is disgustingly perpetually hard and dripping.

And who said college was fun again? American college parties are the most overrated and overhyped phenomenon I have ever encountered, and I have the rights to say that because I have been to aplenty.

Anyway the point of this is not to be all angsty about college parties, but to provide the backdrop and context to this story I’m about to tell you.

So it’s a regular Saturday night and I’m down with cold. Friends asked me to join them in this big party on campus, to which I politely declined because 1. I’m done with partying, at least for now, 2. I’m sick, and 3. I have better things to do like write my long overdue paper while listening to justin bieber. just sayin’

I realized around 1 am that I forgot to do my trash duties for today (for the uninformed, I work as a trash collector wtf) so I put on my trash outfit and went to collect them filthy trash. Ladeedum minding my own business working my ass off to pay my college loan lalala. Then when I was tying one of the bags up, someone came and asked if she could throw her trash. Obviously, this kind trash collector said “Go ahead dearie, throw all your trash out. There you go, throw them alllll out and feel better”.

To my utmost dismay, guess what came out of that unassuming black plastic bin.

I’ll give you a hint. It starts with V and ends with OMIT.

I cannot begin to describe how low my heart sank upon seeing that torrential downpour of intestinal juice and someone’s dinner and the 23410 litres of alcohol she irresponsibly drank and thought she could take BUT OBVIOUSLY SHE COULDN’T AND LOOK WHO HAS TO CLEAN UP AFTER HER FUCKING MESS I FUCKING HATE COLLEGE STUDENTS

Upon seeing that I immediately stopped breathing but it took a few milliseconds for my olfactory organ to receive the memo from my panicky brain and I accidentally took a whiff of it T_____________T Woe is me.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I forgot my Ipod today and I heard some people going “Eww! OMG” while throwing a disgust look at me….

I mean by now I’m pretty used to disgust looks (trust me I’m surprised at how often I get this too) but I’ve never actually heard people EWW-ing at me since I have my Ipod on most of the time. Hmm this makes me wonder how often do people actually EWW aloud at me.

And the weird thing is, I felt no emotions when all this happened. I’m completely desensitized by now so I really don’t see what the big deal about collecting trash is. Am I really that much of a loser who deserved to be EWW-ed at? I’m doing well academically, my GPA is 3.92, I have an amazing life with people who love me and I’m working so I don’t have to ask my parents for cash, so who are these people to make me doubt my self-values and integrity?

So I’m collecting trash on a Saturday night when everyone is out partying their lives away, how come I don’t see the problem? Should this be a problem in the first place?

Eww eww eww, eww your face lah eww wtf

That’s it, this is the end of my trash story for today. Thank you for tuning in wtf