Somebody loved

I wrote an entry this morning out of pure frustration and hurt. I went on and on about how I’m finally happy now on my blog after months of downright depressing entries, how it’s disheartening that people could prey on my happiness, how I should have known better and be tougher after more than seven years of putting myself out there in the public space, how I’ve decided that so be it and I won’t compromise my honesty and adopt an online persona that’s not really me.

But I didn’t publish it because I realized that it wouldn’t make a difference at all.

So as I lay on my bed surrounded by the warmth of my heated room, I look at the pretty lights I have hanging down the ceiling softly lighting up the pictures of my family and friends and I am reminded of the warmth that matters more to me.

Happy smiles of people who care about me forever etched in a 4×6 piece of paper, birthday cards and cards with memories of love, random meaningful fortune cookie fortunes I’ve amassed throughout my time here.

It was in a random gift store in a hidden corner of a tube station in London that I laid my eyes on this card. As I was reading the words, I could actually smell the salty sea breeze, feel the softness of your hand in mine, feel the giddiness of being drunk with love and fresh air.

Before I knew it, I received the very same card in my mailbox the month after, reminding me of that few seconds I was completely lost in the card’s world of secret rendezvous.

I moved into my very own single last week, and I couldn’t be happier. It was a very small room, smaller than I’d liked, but something I’ve grown to love more each day. The small size of my room makes everything in the room appear more significant, makes every petal of the tulip lights I have hanging brighter, makes every decoration more meaningful.

The best part of moving here has got to be my amazing view. I have direct view of the lake (that is frozen now so it’s just a blanket of whiteness) and the sun shines brightly into my room.

The only problem is I have way too many clothes for this small room, but this will do. I just don’t know how I’m going to bring three full suitcases of clothes back with me later on.

The snow and icicles are melting, a great sign that Spring is on its way. It’s been extremely cold these few days though, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed under my puffy down coat that the flowers will bloom soon. It will come, slowly but surely.

I don’t normally take this route, but I was so glad I did the other day when I saw the river and how pretty it is. I gotta admit that as much as I hate being in a college that is literally in the middle of nowhere, sometimes I really should stop and smell the roses because before I know it, I wouldn’t have the chance to smell them again.

It’s a really nice Friday night for me. I’m huddled under my warm comfy duvet at 3 in the morning listening to The Weepies and I had spent the whole day in amazing company be it on skype or in real life. I can’t believe I had spent the previous few days mulling over the fact that people hate me enough to think the worst of me, that whatever I do will never be good enough because some people just want to see me fail, because truth is, I will rise above all this because I know I’m beyond lucky to be where I am now with who I am with.

And no one’s gonna take that away from me.

485 comments

  1. LX says:

    Awwwww the card gets featured after all this while hahaha the shop was at the High St Kensington tube station! And you really ought to be sleeping at this time! Love The Weepies! And u :-*

  2. Jaclyn says:

    omg i love this post so much it has somehow touches my inner feelings and thoughts i have in mind. guess thats how we feel when we’re staying out there. it’s just pure awesomeness swet <3 <3 <3 love u ! 🙂 mean people are always there so just ignore (but sometimes we just couldnt hold back right i know hehehe)

    support u all the way kao kao

  3. jassy says:

    re: love…as long as you are happy 🙂 it doesn’t matter what other people will say, you’re young and single. 🙂

    nice room…i’m 29 and still living with a bunch of people. sometimes it’s nice but sometimes i’m wondering when will I have my own room that I go to every night 🙂 but then again, my should be goal now is to have a husband! lol!

  4. yumii says:

    i love how you decorate the photos! ^^ (i dun dare to say too much later, they scold me for being a rabid fan again. hahahah)

    you’ll do good. i believe you will do good in the next three months.

  5. Ching Li says:

    Love this post!
    i got inspiration to buy the lights too.. since i work mostly during midnight hehe…

    Out of the blue i am saying it: you remind me of a 不倒翁, ahh you can google and see how it looks like. Basically it is a infallible creature…

    Tc!

  6. Sherlyn says:

    I love wat’s written in the red card. It reminds me about my life wen I was in US…call in sick to do something tat we like…. N m the gal who emailed u about hotel for Disneyworld! Thx for the suggestion! We had a great time staying there except tat we actually got caught staying too many ppl on one room. Sigh. But still fun! It’s quite a great n cheap hotel! Seriously! Thx again n wish u n Alex have a great valentine’s day! :p

  7. sweatlee says:

    lx, how come u remember exactly where it is!

    jaclyn, thanks love 🙂

    phoebe, thanks!

    missy, thanks!

    freshmilk, i love it too! before it gets messy haha

    ryoko, yeah they really shine in this room!

    sj, not going down without a fight wtf

    panda, yeah i really like it!

    jessie, thanks 🙂 it took some time for me to learn to love it

    michelle, no i got it from ladies’ market for 20% of the price in giordano haha

    iqa, for now!! hahaha

    liyana, i think cos it’s so small!

    ilyannur, thanks 🙂

    jassy, you will, someday 🙂

    kaylie, hahah sounds like something try banks will say, you gonna be on top!

    yumii, hahaha!! poor yumii 🙁 thanks.

    amanda, a lot personal reasons la but most of all it’s cos it was cold and too noisy

    belly, thanks 🙂 it really does

    jy, thanks, yeah pictures really change a room!

    chingli, hahah i just googled it! aww i’ll take it as a compliment!

    sherlyn, ooh! i hope your trip was amazing! how did you get caught??? i thought it’s ok one!

  8. imsohigh says:

    yeaaa small room is awesome.. no space for ghost so its alot safer

    i choose the smallest room in my condo as it gives me peace of mind and make me feel more secure… since i am living alone with a lot of fking weird noises everynight .

    thats the downside of not having housemates

  9. Suz says:

    Try not to get demoralized by people who hate. I guess its a little bit hard when you feel like you did no wrong, and people still continue to say something. I was somewhat disturbed when I saw comments regarding your last post, because it is your life after all. But to know that you were hurt by those comments made it even more :/
    Be happy! Honestly, time is SO WASTED on people who tries to be “moral judges”. In the end, our own happiness is what matters the most!

  10. ck says:

    Hey Suet, just be who you are. Long distance is hard. Been there too. BF and I broke up after being together close to three years. I found someone new six months later. After dating for six years, we’re now happily married! Don’t let others determine how you should live your life. You make your own happy endings 😉

  11. xiao says:

    i always don’t know what to say to give encouragements in posts like these. but i think saying something that sounds stupid is better than saying nothing at all. any kind word heals, right? 🙂

    that said, here’s a little snippet of thanks for sharing yourself, as there are those of us who learn so much from your experiences. I recently took the plunge and broke up with my boyfriend, but decided after two days that it probably was the wrong move. We patched up quite quickly, but that isn’t the point. The point was that throughout the whole deal I remembered your posts on Barry and took from it what I could to make my own decisions.

    I hope this gives you a little bit of warmth!

  12. CloudyRainbows says:

    Because blogs are almost like short snippets of a person’s life, when posts are published, other people tend to get caught up in the excitement and drama, almost like watching a tv series and somehow along the way, they forget that its all real. Like what the others said here, don’t get disheartened. Who are we to judge, really?

  13. ricecracker says:

    sigh suet. i envy how you (and all you dorm dwellers out there) can decorate your rooms however you like. one downside of renting a room from a fairly strict landlord is that my walls are pristine white. i swear my walls are crying with all the unachieved potential.

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