Monday Blues

Behold, a sight never before seen in the history of this class and for as long as I’ve taught them (2 yrs). They were all seated, participated in the activities and completed all the work on the board! I told them I’ll take a picture to keep as proof that they too can be successful.

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They felt happy that they are now “good” students, but what they don’t know is how incredibly far they are from where they need to be. Two years on, I’m still using standard 3 exercises for them and they STILL can’t do them. No amount of colorful posters, engaging activities, interesting teaching aids, house visits or incentives have helped push them forward. 

I now have a month left with them and though I still have hope that I can still push them a little tiny bit more (if they continue to behave), I know realistically that I’ve failed to close the gap for them. 

I know Rome was not built in a day, but I had no idea coming in that it would be this incredibly difficult. We’re constantly working in an environment where there are just so so so many factors preventing these kids from succeeding. 

Feels like i’m trying to get birds to learn how to swim, upstream, with sharks and crocs everywhere, only to realize that I too, don’t know how to swim myself. 

I’m so close to the end, and yet I’m still an eternity away from any real success with them.

 

p.s: I know this post is a little depressing, but I wanted to paint the most accurate picture of how I feel/how things are. Things are not always inspiring and hopeful, in fact, I feel mostly useless and unaccomplished most times. Le sigh.

899 comments

  1. Creamflower says:

    You’re doing a wonderful thing helping these kids. I’d like to think of you planting little seeds that take time to grow. Maybe the first two years are rough, may just the first year for some. The saplings all grow at different rates. Probably a bug ate their little leaves. Maybe they can’t absorb fertilizers yet because they are not ready even if you know you want them to grow healthier like RIGHT NOW! Occasionally, the rain god wants to threaten your little saplings. But like in nature, some plants just die early and some do grow well. The best ones will eventually flourish, blossom and bear fruit; sweet fruits that will fall to the ground and have little cute saplings of their own. But those that die, the stunted ones, the ones that cannot bear fruit, you’ll want to cry for them. But why? Why would you cry for them? There are many things in life that we think we can control or fix, but we just really cannot even if you’ve tried your very best.
    But that is okay because these trees are still useful and have wonderful purposes you wouldn’t think of them to have. They’ll be there doing what they do best. They’ll still provide shade, maybe a branch or two for a child to eventually build his swing on or perhaps a tree house. Maybe the short ones in sight of young children have small enough trunks for them to hug and love. Some may be better off sacrificed for wood to build bridges for village folk or better yet, surprise you with fruits but only so much later when times are dry.
    There will eventually be a time where you would have to let go of them and let nature run its course. You shouldn’t need to feel upset/distraught/*insert any awful feelings here* if they don’t all grow at the same rate. The world we live in is very organic with too many variables that we have no power over. But be glad you’ve tried because there are always fruits of you labour even if it isn’t really fruits that hang from a branch.

  2. Li Hong says:

    Hey suet lee, at the risk of sounding like a stalker, I think I saw you at Giza yesterday, correct me if I’m wrong. Wanted to go say hi but didn’t want to intrude your gym time. Well, the good news is it brought me back to your blog! Haven’t been reading blogs for ages, good to see you’re still going strong. Despite all the roadblocks you’re currently facing, don’t be disheartened! One success you’ve made right here is that you’ve created awareness of the education problem we’re having and awareness leads to action. Keep up the good work!

  3. hardgay says:

    Dear Miss Suet Lee,

    I find it awesome for what you been doing for the kids past few years, and i always wonder, after i finish my master, whether i should go do teaching. Half of me say yes, becoz teacher does make a difference,they make kids wonder, make them question, make them criticize, make them apologize, read and write, make them understand they got the brain, and follow their heart, and someone judge you by what you make, you give them this _|_ and the other part of me say no; becoz of cruel hard truth of the reality we living in, we may only giving them glimpse of hope, but we never win either by the system, or luck. so in the end, it end up with disappointment and i dont change anything. So my question to you is, what drives you to teach? and to what extend? and length you will be willing to teach?

  4. Amanda says:

    Hello suet li! Don’t be discouraged.. I’m rooting for u a llll the way.. Continue to do what u’re doing.. U r awesome n no matter what, just have faith n do what u can,, at least u n I n everyone else here knows that u have done ur best! Jia you jiayou!!! Xxx

  5. skye says:

    hey suet li,

    its a incredibly inspirational that you have shared your journey in the teaching. just wanted you to know that i think you are doing an amazing job and you are changing these kids lives. you told your students that you believe in them and that i believe is a gift that they will take with them for the rest of their lives.

  6. prav says:

    Hey, even though you havent been able to improve their grades, you have improved their attitude. and that will carry them through life a lot further than good grades…

  7. TenshiChn says:

    Dear Suet Lee, you have already reach so far by never giving up. All those effort, where you put your best, you are already a winner.

    Still doing your best, finishing the race even though you know you will not be the number 1. The perseverance. Not many people have that…

    I salute you for that 🙂

    Although you might not have been very successful in accomplishing this mission, you probably had inspired many to follow your footstep and that has created many many more opportunities for this kids.

    You did good 🙂

  8. Christine says:

    Hello Sweatlee, I was going through Teach for Malaysia’s website and I am surprised that a lot of teachers teaching English do not hold a degree in English/linguistics/TESOL. I graduated with an MA in sociolinguistics and I speak English, Mandarin and Malay since young. And it always bothers me that I am not even close to native in any of these languages. My studies in linguistics made me realised that bilingualism or multiligualism can be successful only if children were “properly” taught in class. I am not trying to offence you, I know you are working very hard but as a multilingual person, I sometimes envy my bilingual friends from other countries because even their second language is near native level.

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