683

Goodbyes

I think one of the main reasons why I stop blogging so frequently is because I tweet a lot more now. It’s more convenient compared to having to open my WordPress and writing a bigger chunk of text, but I have to admit I always prefer writing in my blog a lot more. How can you express adequately your emotions and feelings and ideas in 140 characters? especially when you have to shorten words and things look so abrupt. It’s just not the same..

Anyway I’ve been back for good (still feels weird) for almost two weeks now and I’ve been doing nothing but bumming. After less than a week of bumming, I couldn’t take it anymore and went to look for something to do – anything! a job, an internship, volunteer work, whatever to make me feel more useful. So now I’m going to volunteer my services to Teach for Malaysia and will be their dutiful intern for a month!

I have to start work next week…..and working hours are somewhere between 9am-8pm if I’m lucky…..and I’m kinda regretting it…….why torture myself when I could chillax and lepak at home goyang kaki everyday! But I know how much help they need, and I DO have time and energy so why not.

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one of those days where I had all the time in the world so I took 12481 shots of myself in the same pose wtf

I actually have so much to blog about but I can’t remember what I wanted to say anymore ;___; I promise I’ll blog more frequently now, maybe even once in 2/3 days like before *gasp* so I don’t forget the things I want to say.

For today! I have photos from my graduation! These are nicer pictures since they’re taken with a camera and not my phone. What an abomination, a blogger taking pictures with her phone tsk tsk.

with my parents

spot me!

shanshan and I with our complete graduation regalia! It feels amazing to graduate alongside your best friend :)

FML my sunflower is dead wtf

with fellow Malaysians, Gim, Stef and Emily! (shanshan is our honorary Malaysian cos thanks to me, she speaks in malaysian accent (even stronger than mine) and remembers all the malaysian food (tosai, nasi lemak, roti, banana leaf rice, chilli pan mee))

with Chuck, my accounting professor! I love him cos he’s super eccentric and sarcastic, the kind of professors I usually like. He also gave me 99% in that class and when he saw me he said “good job! you Asian”. I asked if he even remembers my name and he said “it’ll come to me one day” wtf

Can you believe he’s 70+ years old and he baked brownies for us in EVERY class???? He also only wore suit to class so I asked him once if he bakes in his suit and he said “no, silly! I slip on an apron” hahaha

I think we took a total of 1000 over pictures that day cos our parents kept asking us to pose with EVERYthing -___-

“GOT FLOWERS! TAKE PICTURES!” *snap snap 20 times in same pose

“SQUIRRELS! STAND IN FRONT OF THEM” *snap snap

“WHITE PEOPLE!! TAKE WITH THEM” *snap snap

and everytime we stopped to talk to friends, we have 4 paparazzi taking pictures of us from all angles! hahaha and our friends would say “err i hope they’re your parents right”

Shanshan was grumbling about having to take so many pictures but hello! when will you get to have photographers following you everywhere and taking pics of you! Gotta love ‘em proud parents :D

In front of the chapel!

with my parents.

yes I changed my shoes wtf. I bought this pair for graduation but didn’t wear them earlier cos I was scared I’d trip when receiving my degree on stage hahaha

with the college sign and my dead sunflower. I don’t know why I kept holding on to it T_T

more pictures taken by the proud parents. Shanshan’s dad had 3 cameras and he used all 3 cameras everytime cos he said each camera produces different pictures, damn cute! But also very tiring for us to hold the poses  T_T

Anyway that’s the end of it! Everything went by so fast during graduation and I didn’t even have time to really say goodbye to shanshan. The last thing I remember was me helping her pack and bossing her around and nagging her as usual while she panics like a kid as usual (we have a funny relationship), and then we hugged and we kept saying we won’t cry and I left hurriedly cos I felt like I was choking in tears and then…gone.

Goodbyes are painful, and it’s worse when people make empty promises to each other. “I’m sure I’ll see you again” “I’ll come visit!” but I kept telling them “no, you won’t.” Let’s face it, we live on completely different sides of the world, and I rather face reality and bid a proper farewell than keep my hopes up.

Goodbyes are painful because it takes years to build a strong friendship, and no matter how much you say you’ll keep in touch, things will be very different when you are not physically close to each other. It takes years for a friendship to transcend superficiality and for two people to really know each other more than they know themselves. With Shanshan, I’d often say something and she’d know what I said actually didn’t reflect how I felt, and she was right 9 out of 10 times. Our friendship was painfully honest and incredibly real, and I’m afraid I wouldn’t find something like this once I get out of school anymore.

But..the world awaits. And so I bade farewell to my home for 4 years and my best friend who till this day is the prettiest girl I have ever met inside and outside, and pray that all our late night talks on our big dreams and hopes will come true.

556

An education

Life is like a game of Tetris:

Apart from being a fine game, Tetris is also a perfect mirror of the human condition. For a while the game is entertaining, and we seem to have mastered it and are having fun. Then, something goes wrong — a rash mistake, or an unfulfilled wish, and we’re fighting to repair the damage, but we’ve been thrown off-balance, and everything is piling up. Blocks that were once orderly and harmonious are jumbled and filled with holes, and our cup is on the verge of running over. There’s always a point at which we stop planning for the future, and realize that we don’t have one — all we can do is cling to the present and concentrate, focus our minds on what it’s like to be alive, to play the game, before it’s all over.

You were waiting for a four-by-one block that never came.

Sometimes we resist to the bitter end, moving blocks left and right without thought or care, just to hang on, and sometimes we accept the inevitable and pull the blocks down to us, smiling inwardly at the great joke. The rest is silence.

I found a great analysis of Tetris and just thought I’d share it here since it’s too long to post on Twitter wtf.

By the way, I’m home!!!! For good. Forever. It feels so foreign and weird…I still feel like I’m on my usual summer holiday, and still feel like a college student. I guess it’ll take a while for it to sink in.

My parents were here for my graduation and they really were my personal photographers the entire time. Shanshan’s parents had THREE cameras with them and they would use ALL the cameras everytime. So I have about a million pictures to vet through before I can post them up!

But what I have so far:

Aileen and I before the Laurel Parade

My white dress from H&M and the beautiful yellow scarf given by our alumnae!

My best friend Shanshan and I. I don’t want to think about not seeing her for a while and that it’s the end of us being in college together, because if I do I know I will not be able to stop crying. I was very lucky to have someone like her throughout my 4 years in college cos she’s one of the very few people who completely understands me and is extremely supportive of me T___T

Laurel Parade, one of our oldest and most beloved traditions. Graduating seniors will all wear white and will carry the Laurel chain (the chain of green grass thingy), signifying a link that brings all of us together, and we’ll carry it to our founder’s grave.

And then we’ll gather and sing Bread and Roses, a song that supports international women suffrage and appeals for gender equality and women’s rights.

I cried while we were singing that song, it was so beautiful T___T then I looked around and saw everyone crying too T__T Now I really don’t regret going to a women’s college that takes activism so seriously.

Men in kilts performing before the parade

probably my absolute favorite part of the parade! the school spirit is so strong because hundreds of alumnae actually came back for reunion! this is the class of 1961, which means they’re all around 70+ years old!

there was also someone from the class of 1931, she was 102 years old!

the feeling of having so many people cheer you on during the parade was indescribable. Especially when you see the look of pride and recognition on their faces, it was amazing.

The night before graduation, we have another ceremony called the Baccalaureate. It was basically a more personal event where we had our Dean wrapping up our college life. She said soooo many quotable quotes that night, and everyone was tearing quite badly too. She talked about uncertainties, and fear, and anxiety upon completing college and finally going out in the real world. It was so…relatable and so real which makes it scarier.

Graduation!!!!

We were all given a sunflower each :)

Our president insisted on hugging ALL of us when we received our degree. She also congratulated each and everyone of us when she hugged us, damn nice!!!

I’m happy to announce that I received my degree without falling on stage because I chickened out and didn’t wear high heels wtf. Everything is in Latin, I only recognized my name here hahah

Treated myself to a huge ice cream hoho

The next day, I packed all my 4 years in college in 4 suitcases and left my second home.

As the bus gained momentum and drove past my college, I got quite emotional for the first time upon graduation. This picture describes my feelings perfectly. In a blur, scared, excited, unsure, sad, very sad, glad, hopeful. I don’t know what’s in store for me after leaving a place that has changed me tremendously, a place that I was only beginning to really love and be comfortable in.

Thank you Mount Holyoke for making me the woman that I am today.

Thank you for teaching me how to think critically for myself, for nurturing the principles in me that I never knew existed, for being patient and kind when I didn’t quite get the point of a liberal arts education at first, for never giving up when I doubted you.

But most importantly, thank you for showing me that education is never a means to an end, that the pursuit of knowledge is lifelong.

We don’t go to school because we need practical knowledge to help us in our jobs, we go to school to gain knowledge that will help us make sense of the world and our place and roles to play. The past weekend was a culmination of this realization. One of my favorite professors, in his final lecture to us, told us this:

“Look at the person on your left, and the person on your right. In a hundred years, they will both be dead. We spend our lives worrying about things that are in the present, things that are transitory and are insignificant in the greater scheme of things. Spend your life thinking about things that are eternal, not temporary. Spend your life thinking about things that will matter 100 years from today, things that mattered 100 years ago and will continue to be important.

Your education has not ended, in fact it starts right after your graduation. Think about the everlasting effect of your existence, read the great books, read because it matters. Your education starts when you start learning about stuff because it matters and the only questions that matter are why are you here? what’s the purpose of your life?”

This is only an excerpt of some of the most inspiring speeches I’ve heard. Someone else talked about the roles that women should play in the society and urged us to be the women who pave ways for changes and the women who play critical roles locally and globally.

Our commencement speaker talked about the importance of the liberal arts education and how it’s getting underrated these days in pursuit of more material gains and knowledge. She spoke about the role of the humanities and art in democracy and in a more holistic society and I couldn’t have agreed more.

I was never a big fan of the humanities and art, and sometimes question my decision to be in a liberal arts college. Why am I not learning more practical skills? skills that can be applied in my jobs in the future? It wasn’t until I realized at the end that that’s not what education is all about, at least not to me. I can go on about this for maybe another 10 pages or so, but I just got home and I need to eat all the Malaysian food that my stomach can take!!!

The end from the college student Suet. It’s time to be a big girl now.

“Go forth, make a difference, be the change you want to see, change the world”

682

Mad for feathers

Hello sorry I have disappeared again, I’ve been burrowed under the dim depths of the cold and unwelcoming library for the past week finishing up my last paper of my entire college years. Let’s all take a moment to say a silent prayer to both rejoice and mourn that fact.

read about food until damn sien already

I was stupid enough to decide that I should write on something challenging since it’s my LAST RESEARCH PAPER EVER so instead of being normal like everyone else who’s writing on the differences between Chinese and Italian food, I wrote about the relationship between politics and food. In particular, I wrote about the role that food plays in politics, both as a symbol of power and as a political tool. Thanks to my overambitious decision, I ended up spending THIRTY freaking hours on this supposedly “short” ten page paper. Just kill me lah.

Ok I know no one wants to hear me ramble about uninteresting school work, but bear with me since I’m getting quite sentimental about the end of my college chapter *sniff.

9 post it notes before I get to go home! Tomorrow I’ll be taking down 3 T___T (must remember to play some kinda ceremonious drum rolls when i tear them down)

The other day at this super crowded party some drunk girl with incredibly high heels stepped on me and I swear I could feel that heel digging into my flesh. It’s healing now T_T

Got an award! I don’t want cert gimme moolah wtf

It was Pangy Day the other day, aka best day of the year cause it celebrates the end of the semester and the glorious warmth and sun after 5 long painful months of winter.

Me and the other Malaysians! Sin Seanne, Emily, Jerusha and Dina.

sorry arm too short and tercut off emily haha

it’s A BUNNEH!!!! WHITE FLUFFY SUPER CUTE BUNNEHHHH! The Biology department is leaving cute furry bunnies for anyone who wants to play with them to de-stress ^_^

We went canoeing in the upper lake next! Sigh I will miss how beautiful my campus is. This lake is extraordinarily beautiful in Fall, when the leaves turn red and orange and yellow.

emily is very happy!

while i’m taking my rowing job very seriously wtf

i like the length of my hair now!

i will miss my pretty library T___T although it’s been a place of nothing but sheer misery for me the past few years

So I went on a crazy feather earrings shopping spree the other day cause I was feeling down about something  *guilty. But they all cost about $4 each so it’s not that bad!

These ones are longer than my hair haha! Also very heavy. I think I’ll use the feathers to tickle people if they make me mad >=(

Also quite obsessed with dove/sparrows now because I’ve decided against getting my sparrow tattoo so here I am buying anything sparrow-like I see wtf

And here’s another pair!

Haha kena tipu, actually it’s the same pair as the first one. (my hair looks awesome so must commemorate before it grows out further into that ugly neither here nor there length ok)

and here’s a very rare picture of me smiling with teeth :D

sorry ah I so vain, but I’m no longer going to be a college student after this May, and since I’m going to be a teacher I can’t post vain pictures of myself all over the net anymore so I’m going to suffocate you all with them now wtf

Oh ya speaking of which, I got accepted into Teach for Malaysia! After a very intensive, challenging and laborious application process consisting of 5 stages of interviews and mock lessons and assessments and tests, I’m extremely thankful that they’ve chosen me to be in their first cohort!

I’m not sure if I’m accepting it for sure yet though. Gotta convince my parents that it’s not JUST a teaching job :( (mom told me this the other day: you went all the way to the US to study and you are coming back to teach, what a waste!) (issue 1: why come back, stay in US. overseas= good, home= bad; issue 2: be a teacher??? what atrocity!) tsk tsk, teaching should really be perceived as a more noble profession than this. After all, who are all of us today without a good teacher or two?

427

Plateau

Something is wrong with me these days, but I just can’t point my finger on what exactly. I would stare into space in class for what seems like a few seconds, letting my mind go blank for a short while, and poof class is over. I would walk back to my room following the route I’ve walked on repetitiously for years now, and poof I arrive at a place I’ve never seen before. I would sleep and dream, and dream, and wake up not knowing which is my reality.

I’m running in circles, chasing my imaginary tail, chasing and chasing, but never grabbing it. I came close to it once, and I was so pleased with finally being able to feel the concreteness in my grasp that I accidentally let it slip away again.

I got an email the other day from a reader, and the moment I read it I felt depressed again. She said she loves my blog, and loves me, and thinks I’m a huge inspiration to her. She said she envies me, envies my passion for life, envies my strength and my persistence. It was all too flattering and I wanted to reply with my usual “thanks for reading my blog!” but I just couldn’t do it, because I was ashamed of myself.

Ashamed that the person on the receiving end of such adulation is just a girl in her torn oversized tee with unkempt hair, without motivation nor passion for anything in her life these days, mulling about counting the days to when she can finally escape from this bubble she has been in for the past 4 years.

Ashamed that whatever zest and excitement that once overfilled her every being have now evaporated into thin air, leaving her grasping in desperation to whatever that’s holding her to her reality these days.

Ashamed that the so called inspiration she is to people is this person who doesn’t even have the motivation and will to learn anymore, this bane of the society who forsakes her opportunity for knowledge to settle for many hours of dwelling in her miseries.

I don’t know what I’m going on and on about.

I took a happiness test a month ago, and I scored every question with a I’M VERY HAPPY, VERY MOTIVATED AND VERY SATISFIED WITH MY LIFE. Funny how the tables have turned in such a short time.

I’m not unhappy, i’m not depressed, i’m just.

That’s the thing, I don’t know what I am right now. I’m in a limbo of feelings, neither here nor there, floating in this weird realm of nothingness.

——–

ok fine. I might have exaggerated a little about how I’m feeling. I’m perfectly fine, and this is just an on and off feeling I’ve been experiencing.

Actually…. maybe just for the past few days WTF.

but it’s still is a big hindrance to my ultimate plan of saving the world.

234

Someone’s gotta do it

Just realized I haven’t blogged in more than a week..again. There were days when I woke up wanting to blog about a million and one things but never had the time to, or days when I had all the time in the world but not remember what was it I wanted to say.

So when that happens, I guess I have to resort to the lazy kinda blogging where I just post random pictures I have from my camera/ Photo Booth ;__;

This is a small part of my Symbolic Logic homework. It’s DAMN freaking hard!!!! Sometimes I kinda regret taking this class but I wanted to try something completely crazy and different before I graduate, and I’ve always wanted to take a Philosophy class and I was hoping this class will teach me how to reason logically wtf

It’s a combination of Computer Science+ Philosophy+ Math *faints

My hair is so long now!! And to think that 6 months ago it was still the boycut kinda short. I didn’t bring my hair straightener back with me so I have to suffer the wrath of having shoulder length hair :(

(btw, this is EXACTLY how big my room is, from that door till the rack of clothes.)

Bought new pair of shorts for $9 ^_^

I had over an hour to do my makeup the other day for Korea Night so I did a makeup video! But now too lazy/busy to edit the video and post it *stabs self

Trying too hard to be feminine with this hair wtf

I’m procrastinating having to complete my application for Teach For Malaysia and now the deadline is looming closer and I have no time to finish it *HORROR*

Truth is I just don’t know what to write about. We have to write a few essays and the application is actually way harder than I’d thought. Don’t know what Teach For Malaysia is? It’s a non-profit organization modeled after Teach For America aiming to end education inequity. Basically what they do is recruit people who are passionate about making a change in the education landscape in Malaysia. TFM fellows will then serve for two years in high need schools all over the country and this challenging and meaningful experience will hopefully transform both the schools and the fellows themselves.

To be honest, I’m not 100% sure if this is the right thing to do. Teach for America is extremely prestigious, and they only recruit the most promising and bright individuals. Teaching in challenging schools have proven to be very beneficial to these fellows who usually go on to be exceptional leaders in their fields.

Teach for Malaysia, on the other hand, is still at its infancy. It was hard enough for me to convince my parents that I want to go back home after I graduate instead of looking for a higher paying job in the states, imagine having to tell them I want to go back to TEACH. and earn probably next to nothing. “But someone’s gotta do it!” I’d argue. “Well that someone doesn’t have to be you!” they’d retort.

I don’t know, I’m still pretty confused about a lot of things. I know I’m incredibly idealistic and I know my idealism will die down eventually once I enter the big scary world of corporate firms and the neverending cycle of materialistic culture of the working world. So I feel like I have to do something like this before I get swollen whole by the real world. Wait, what am I talking about? Teaching in high need schools IS the real world, and it’s probably more real than people would imagine it to be.

Favorite quote by Wendy Kopp, the founder of Teach for America:

We don’t need to wait to eliminate poverty to ensure all children have access to the kinds of education that will ultimately give them a way out of poverty.

IF we make the most of it, the students who overcome poverty to realize their full potential will grow up to become the most inspiring leaders the world has ever known, leaders who have the strength and character that come from succeeding in the face of extraordinary challenges and have the kind of education that will allow them to solve the other problems we face as a society.

We can enable children in urban and rural school to make history. The question is simply, whether we will.

I’m sorry this post has taken a more serious tone than I’d intended it to be, but the more I sit and think about what I want to do after I graduate, the more I know for sure what I do NOT want to do. I don’t want to be caught in the rat race, well not just yet at least, and I need to know I’m going back home for a reason.

Now, I just need to write a kickass application essay so I can fulfill that reason! and kickass essay will have to wait until tomorrow cause I’m dead tired now after finishing my incredibly tedious accounting exam T__T

142

World spins madly on

This post will be the most meaningless post cause I’m neither emo nor happy nor sad nor anything, so it’s just one of those nah here are some pictures and what I’ve been up to lately posts.

1. I’ve been going to the gym everyday successfully for about two weeks now and I’m so proud of myself T___T Sometimes I get sooo freakin’ lazy but I’ll just push myself anyway and feel a lot better after. I go to whatever drop-in classes they have about 3-4 times a week (usually it’s pilates, step, kickboxing or zumba, which is a really fun dance thing) and I’ll play squash and run for the other days.

Not only that, I also have a yoga class twice a week, but I don’t even wanna count that cause it’s so boring. Just sit down, pull leg on head and put arms under legs and roll like a ball then lie back and meditate for 5 mins wtf.

2. It’s exactly 2 weeks before I leave for Spring Break!!! I’m so excited! Fourteen days before I can embrace the warmth of the sun, frolic around the beach until I get covered fully with warm sand, traipse around the old town in search for the famous Mofongo (supposedly extremely sinful mashed fried plantains with bacon), and be all drunk on love and on Puerto Rican wine.

(this explains why I’m going to the gym so religiously now wtf, need to work off those curry mees and nasi lemaks I overconsumed in Jan)

3. OK THIS YOU GUYS WILL BE EXCITED TO SEE

shanshan my love T_____T it’s my first picture with her in….7 months?!?!? She just came back from her semester abroad in Japan! And as usual I have to look like shit next to her wtf it’s ok ignore my existence in that pic

Prepartying before going to the Drag Ball, basically a party where you’re either supposed to dress like a drag queen (if you’re a guy) or dress as a guy (if you’re a girl). Everyone clearly didn’t care to dress their parts except me, and even that I failed.

We swore off beer and hard liquor, and sticked to wine the entire night!

Simone, shanshan, jerusha and emily!

Ok we got a little too drunk that night, but it’s okay cos it was so much fun!!! Best part about being to a women’s college is that it’s so much more fun being drunk around your girlfriends than when guys are around.

Posting this picture up although my face is red as hell and I have bloodshot eyes cos shanshan looks good and she hasn’t appeared in my blog for months!

Sorry blur pic but this is my attempt at being a guy wtf. Clearly fail with my shorts

My first attempt lagi fail

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We came back early from the party cause it sucked but I was still buzzing from the wine, so here

There are more pictures of the night but to protect our dignity I shall not post them up.

4. Other random pictures:

The chef gave me a bottle of mayonnaise and a million pieces of seaweed so here I am eating the best shit ever. Just squeeze some Jap mayo on the crunchy seaweed, fold it up and eat it, SO DAMN GOOD. Everyone thinks it’s disgusting though ;___;

This was during Chinese New Year and I was video-calling with my sister in the UK and my family in Malaysia. My bro with the ugly afro is showing us some kueh kapek and my cousin is showing us some bakua while my grandma is still trying to figure out why they were showing food to the computer wtf

My current Y U NO. Damn lazy to do my schoolwork laaa

5. I have a sad story. I lost my second pair of glasses yesterday T____T Glasses are not cheap ok and I don’t know why they mysteriously disappear everytime! Now I have to wear contact lenses every morning grr. I have a theory, that it’s not really me being careless with my stuff but it’s because there is a mysterious GLASSES STEALER prowling around campus. Said thief will snatch glasses from unsuspecting kind looking victims and make them walk around in the cold all day looking for them.

Now I feel better about losing them hoho. For my next pair of glasses, I’m gonna put the string around them like the ones grandmothers have so I won’t lose them again T___T To maintain my cool image, I will bling my string and add pearls and shit so I don’t appear like a loser wtf

Ok the end of today’s updates please come again next time bye

485

Somebody loved

I wrote an entry this morning out of pure frustration and hurt. I went on and on about how I’m finally happy now on my blog after months of downright depressing entries, how it’s disheartening that people could prey on my happiness, how I should have known better and be tougher after more than seven years of putting myself out there in the public space, how I’ve decided that so be it and I won’t compromise my honesty and adopt an online persona that’s not really me.

But I didn’t publish it because I realized that it wouldn’t make a difference at all.

So as I lay on my bed surrounded by the warmth of my heated room, I look at the pretty lights I have hanging down the ceiling softly lighting up the pictures of my family and friends and I am reminded of the warmth that matters more to me.

Happy smiles of people who care about me forever etched in a 4×6 piece of paper, birthday cards and cards with memories of love, random meaningful fortune cookie fortunes I’ve amassed throughout my time here.

It was in a random gift store in a hidden corner of a tube station in London that I laid my eyes on this card. As I was reading the words, I could actually smell the salty sea breeze, feel the softness of your hand in mine, feel the giddiness of being drunk with love and fresh air.

Before I knew it, I received the very same card in my mailbox the month after, reminding me of that few seconds I was completely lost in the card’s world of secret rendezvous.

I moved into my very own single last week, and I couldn’t be happier. It was a very small room, smaller than I’d liked, but something I’ve grown to love more each day. The small size of my room makes everything in the room appear more significant, makes every petal of the tulip lights I have hanging brighter, makes every decoration more meaningful.

The best part of moving here has got to be my amazing view. I have direct view of the lake (that is frozen now so it’s just a blanket of whiteness) and the sun shines brightly into my room.

The only problem is I have way too many clothes for this small room, but this will do. I just don’t know how I’m going to bring three full suitcases of clothes back with me later on.

The snow and icicles are melting, a great sign that Spring is on its way. It’s been extremely cold these few days though, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed under my puffy down coat that the flowers will bloom soon. It will come, slowly but surely.

I don’t normally take this route, but I was so glad I did the other day when I saw the river and how pretty it is. I gotta admit that as much as I hate being in a college that is literally in the middle of nowhere, sometimes I really should stop and smell the roses because before I know it, I wouldn’t have the chance to smell them again.

It’s a really nice Friday night for me. I’m huddled under my warm comfy duvet at 3 in the morning listening to The Weepies and I had spent the whole day in amazing company be it on skype or in real life. I can’t believe I had spent the previous few days mulling over the fact that people hate me enough to think the worst of me, that whatever I do will never be good enough because some people just want to see me fail, because truth is, I will rise above all this because I know I’m beyond lucky to be where I am now with who I am with.

And no one’s gonna take that away from me.

748

Snowfall

Came back to campus a few days ago to this:

Wow this picture looks too good to be taken with my blackberry, it looks like a postcard!

It was nice at first to see all that snow, but then this happened:

can’t really see, but it was snowing quite hard outside. which is fine and dandy at first cause it was sooo pretty

wow look at all that fresh snow on the ground!

and then it got ugly and started getting too much.

but it’s okay cause classes are canceled!!! for TWO consecutive days, which shows how bad the weather is now.

but it’s really nice to take pictures outside when it’s snowing cause everything is super bright!

Out of boredom (and depression from this cold), I went on an online shopping frenzy again!

And bought too many clothes T__T but forgive me for I am weak. This time I chanced upon a Singaporean clothing site called Club Couture, an international fashion label that recently arrived in Malaysia!

This is the first thing that caught my eye! I super love this dress but too bad it’s wayyy too small for me T__T who ask me to eat so much recently, now I can’t even fit into an S anymore!

So I gave it to Giang and it fits her perfectly!

Ah, jealous max! But it’s impossible to lose 15 kg and be as skinny as her so it’s okay haha

Don’t you love this dress as much as I do!? It’s so classy from the front and voila, super low back!

The full back. The top part is made from this mesh netting material, super awesome T_T

I got this corset tube top that I really love as well! Ah, can’t really see the details here but it has a criss-cross corset back and has lace all over! I’ll take a better one next time when I’m using a better camera!

Lastly, I got this romper cause I’ve been meaning to get one! It looks way better on the tall model but still not too bad lah I guess.

Clubcouture has a low shipping rate of just $7.95, so time to shop more especially when the weather is terrible outside and I can’t go to the mall! Hoho

Too bad I can’t wear any of these clothes now and have to layer up and risk looking like a fat dumpling T__T

190

DND

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Hardcore nerdy Suet mode on.

But wait.

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Introducing the new addition to my life: Doggie

Doggie doesn’t have a proper name because his owner is uncreative and too lazy to think of a name. Doggie likes to lick people. Doggie is always smiling. Doggie is the best doggie in the world.

(oh god. It’s Dec 12, 2010. How time has changed.)

365

FML trash story #185

So I have renounced my partying habits for a month or so now and I suddenly don’t feel like going back to that lifestyle anymore. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I’m pretty much done with my college life, pretty much sick and tired of the same scandalous shenanigans of women making out with each other, too much booze and dancing with the same people every single time.

It gets old. Girls thinking that they are straight but then you see them with their clothes off macking some classmate of theirs only to sober up the next day and realize that they are fucked cause now they have to face that said classmate and pretend that they’re gay. And then you have the true blue actually straight girls, randomly slutting up to and sleeping with anyone with a certain overglorified sexual anatomy that is disgustingly perpetually hard and dripping.

And who said college was fun again? American college parties are the most overrated and overhyped phenomenon I have ever encountered, and I have the rights to say that because I have been to aplenty.

Anyway the point of this is not to be all angsty about college parties, but to provide the backdrop and context to this story I’m about to tell you.

So it’s a regular Saturday night and I’m down with cold. Friends asked me to join them in this big party on campus, to which I politely declined because 1. I’m done with partying, at least for now, 2. I’m sick, and 3. I have better things to do like write my long overdue paper while listening to justin bieber. just sayin’

I realized around 1 am that I forgot to do my trash duties for today (for the uninformed, I work as a trash collector wtf) so I put on my trash outfit and went to collect them filthy trash. Ladeedum minding my own business working my ass off to pay my college loan lalala. Then when I was tying one of the bags up, someone came and asked if she could throw her trash. Obviously, this kind trash collector said “Go ahead dearie, throw all your trash out. There you go, throw them alllll out and feel better”.

To my utmost dismay, guess what came out of that unassuming black plastic bin.

I’ll give you a hint. It starts with V and ends with OMIT.

I cannot begin to describe how low my heart sank upon seeing that torrential downpour of intestinal juice and someone’s dinner and the 23410 litres of alcohol she irresponsibly drank and thought she could take BUT OBVIOUSLY SHE COULDN’T AND LOOK WHO HAS TO CLEAN UP AFTER HER FUCKING MESS I FUCKING HATE COLLEGE STUDENTS

Upon seeing that I immediately stopped breathing but it took a few milliseconds for my olfactory organ to receive the memo from my panicky brain and I accidentally took a whiff of it T_____________T Woe is me.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I forgot my Ipod today and I heard some people going “Eww! OMG” while throwing a disgust look at me….

I mean by now I’m pretty used to disgust looks (trust me I’m surprised at how often I get this too) but I’ve never actually heard people EWW-ing at me since I have my Ipod on most of the time. Hmm this makes me wonder how often do people actually EWW aloud at me.

And the weird thing is, I felt no emotions when all this happened. I’m completely desensitized by now so I really don’t see what the big deal about collecting trash is. Am I really that much of a loser who deserved to be EWW-ed at? I’m doing well academically, my GPA is 3.92, I have an amazing life with people who love me and I’m working so I don’t have to ask my parents for cash, so who are these people to make me doubt my self-values and integrity?

So I’m collecting trash on a Saturday night when everyone is out partying their lives away, how come I don’t see the problem? Should this be a problem in the first place?

Eww eww eww, eww your face lah eww wtf

That’s it, this is the end of my trash story for today. Thank you for tuning in wtf