Category Archives: WTF Suet wtf

42

Chitter chatter

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Hello all, I’m blogging to let you know that starting from tomorrow, I will be a normal person and not a bum anymore!

After my one month internship with TFM, I was travelling for a bit and was bumming A LOT (for 3 weeks to be exact). I did nothing at all for these 3 weeks, practically just eat shit sleep everyday. Watched a whole season and a half of 24 (love it!!! watch it if you want a fast-paced chair-gripping show which pushes you to think beyond what your ethical boundaries are), watched a little bit of Game of Thrones but stopped cause I “accidentally” read the whole synopsis so I know the ending is quite sad and I don’t want to depress myself wtf

For the next two months, I will be volunteering at a refugee school in Sentul. I really want to get teaching experience before I start Teach For Malaysia, but I won’t be paid for the next two months and I have to go alllll the way to Sentul so I hope I don’t chicken out! Anyone drives to Sentul from Subang? Boleh tumpang? Otherwise I’m taking KTM and it takes 2 hours *slits wrist

I’ve also been sleeping at 4/5am every night, so starting from tonight I have to sleep by 12am and I don’t quite know how to do it T___T It’s 1 am now and I feel like the night is still so young! I tried to trick my mind into thinking that it’s late by adjusting my watch to 4am but because I consciously adjusted the watch with a sane mind, the trick didn’t work wtf. Why I so stupid how to teach -____-

Random picture (actually not that random, I specifically wanted to put it here to show you that I am actually capable of smiling with my teeth! Whee! Very rare so must post up and pretend to call it “random” so it doesn’t appear that I’m vain and that I just cin cai found these pictures so might as well post them up)

Today I went to Fitness First cause I bought this monthly trial thing and the trainer used the machine to check my body composition and told me that..

she..she..told me *sobs hysterically* that… I…

I….*grabs tissues and blows into them*

that I….*makes loud blowing noise*

I have 30% body fats…

T______________T

The first thing she did after printing the paper out was made a very loud and noticeable gasp and said wow…

and I was like HUH why why tell me why am I dying wtf

and she said “30% is A LOT. Maximum for women should be 24%”

MAXIMUM is 24% and I have THIRTY percent body fats. That’s like obese or something already!!! ONE THIRD OF MY BODY IS COMPOSED OF FATS. Not vital organs, not bones, not skin, not muscles, but pure FATS. And all this while I kept consoling myself and told myself that I’m not fat, just big boned WTF

Actually I know it can’t be true and it’s a trick to get me to sign up, but what if I think it’s a scam and disregard it and it’s ACTUALLY true *slits wrist

I mean…I know I gained weight but this is very shocking. So I’ve decided to go to the gym everyday from now on but today I ate a fruit tart cause evil Julian forced it down my throat wtf. So tomorrow I’ll try harder to be more disciplined!! *game face on

That is all.

70

Story of my life

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Today is a sad day for a trash collector. I was out doing my trash as usual, wait before I tell the story let me show you my cool trash collecting outfit hahaha

ok lah not cool also it’s damn loserish with the neon gloves, don’t know why I want to show you guys also wtf

Anyway back to my sad story.

So I was going on my usual rounds collecting trash from every floor. How the trash bins look like:

They’re almost bigger than me and if there is a lot of trash I almost always break my back trying to carry them T_T

ANYWAYYY back to my story.

So I was collecting trash as usual la la la la dee dum *whistles to song on Ipod (yeah I’m a cool trash collector with Ipod ok) and suddenly I felt this sharp pain on my knee when I carried the trash!! So I looked down and I saw blood gushing out of my knee!!!!

Some stupid moron left a broken mirror in the trash………………….

What’s worse is the glass tore open the trash bag and another stupid moron threw a glass of milk so all the milk spilled all over the hallway! Cis bedebah with my bloody knee I had to get the mop and mop the floor too T________T

Such is my pathetic life wtf

On to happier things!

So I got an Ipod touch for my birthday and I’ve been going on an application-download spree lately. I downloaded EVERYthing from homework organizer to games to ebooks to graphing calculators (who knows maybe one day when I’m shopping at Walmart I might need it to graph my utility from buying a certain product and whatever opportunity cost there is wtf).

So obviously I downloaded the most popular game there is which is the Angry Birds game. I got quite hooked on it and decided to splurge and bought the application for $0.99.

And look!!!

Woot!!! Took me two days to get three stars on every stage in Level 1!

It’s my proudest achievement to date T___T Even happier than when I get As on papers wtf

Oh god I’m such a loser. First I had to collect trash and mop the floor, now I’m telling the world how proud I am for getting three stars in a game…..

Random pictures of my week:

Did my own french manicure! Not bad quite nice right? But I got bored and painted the rest of my nails light blue haha

Since you guys like Lali so much, nah here’s a picture of her drawing. She not only DJs, but she draws too. She’s an Art major NOW BACK OFF SHE’S MINE wtf

I love living in an apartment ^_^ makes us feel like a family. I was doing my nails while she’s drawing and Giang was playing online poker with random guys and Tanya was watching some show on her laptop.

Giang and I with indian clay mask that will supposedly work miracles on our faces. Not sure if it works yet..

Speaking of Giang I have to show you something extremely funny!!!

So I came out of the shower and saw her in this compromising position wtf:

So I was like “oh my god Giang you are so lazy! You even tilt your laptop so you could lie down and chat!”

She didn’t reply me so I went, “Giang?…helloooo Giangggg”

and I found her asleep hahahahahhahahaa

with her hand still on the keyboard!!!

HAHAHAHHAHA damn funny and cute

okay that’s all that’s the end of my story about our sad lives T_T

33

Full of trash

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Hello,

I feel weird posting something totally unrelated to the below entry right after it..but here’s a story about my life in college.

Before I begin, a big thank you to all the comments and kind words! I really appreciate them and I’ve read each and every comment at least twice. The main reason why I continue blogging despite all my half-hearted attempts at stopping is not because of the money (hell no), or the fame (brings more pain than pleasure actually), but it’s because I have the bestest readers in the world. I have extremely considerate and appreciative readers who take the time to know me beyond what I portray here, readers who always try to understand, readers who are just..more than mere hits on my daily hit counter. That is really the sole driver of my passion to blog :)

Anywayyy all emoness aside, here’s my sad life story. Actually it’s not sad at all I’m just exaggerating.

I don’t know if you guys remember, but I used to have a job as a ball collector right? What the hell is a ball collector I hear you ask from the back of the room. Well you know when you play soccer and when you kick the ball way out of the field? Someone has to immediately put another ball in and then go run after the kicked ball right? Well I was that someone wtf

Anyway that’s old story.

The new story is this: I got a new job on campus and guess what it is! It’s a very important job that has taught me so much about life, much more than what college has taught me. The official name for the job is Residence Hall Work Chair but it’s essentially a…..jeng jeng jeng…trash collector wtf

When Audrey did it last time when she was at college, I told myself when I sometimes accompany her on her rounds that when I’m a senior god forbid if I ever become a trash collector too but oh look, I AM a senior and I AM a trash collector wtf

Well the job is actually quite amazing, contrary to popular belief. I am hoping that I will someday publish a book on “How Collecting Trash Taught Me About Life”.

No, I’m seriously saying this with a straight face! You learn so much from just doing something so “low-class” and “dirty” ok!

LESSON ONE: Always be considerate

I want to choke on blood every time I see BANANA SKINS and MUFFINS and SANITARY PADS in the bin for mixed paper. Hello are you really a college student?? Do you not know food is not paper wtf! Did you know WHO has to take your rotten food out of the bin and put them in the appropriate place???

It’s not the sorting out garbage that disgusts me, it’s more the people who couldn’t even pause for one second before they throw their trash in the recycling bins that kills me everytime GRRR

So, after doing this job, I’m always very aware on my actions and how they’ll impact other people’s lives. Wah wah hahha

LESSON TWO: Never be embarrassed of something you’re proud of

That’s right! I’m actually proud of my job. For one, it’s a very important job ok somebody gotta throw your trash out. Also, I’m earning an honest living which will hopefully help pay off my loan later. Although I might have to collect trash every minute for 3 years before I can pay it all off wtf

So..I’ve learned to not cringe in shame everytime someone walk past me while I carefully pick their stupid food out of the bin. In fact, these days, I WANT people to see me doing the trash. Cause I really hope that maybe it’ll hit them that holy shit a human being is actually doing it and not a robot! I better becareful where I throw my trash now. But slim chance lah sigh

LESSON THREE: How to take the trash out, tie it, put another bag in, wrap it around the bin tightly and then tie it in record time

Yeah I’ve totally mastered the above skill! Now I can do it in about 2.5 minutes! I double bag the bins too ok! I’m soooo good at this now I swear I can do this for a living wtf. I have amassed enough work experience for all trash collecting companies to want to hire me wtf

Okay that’s all. I want to make a personalized badge that says “I’m a trash collector and I’m proud of it!” and wear it everyday when I work wtf

How’s that for a stupid post? I think emo suet is better than this stupid rambly suet who bullshits way too much hahaha

29

Driven

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So today is the last day of my internship. I know it feels incredibly weird to be so emotional about a job, what more a really short two-month job, but I actually feel so much attachment to it. It’s been a great journey for me so far and I’ll write about it one fine day in the comfort of my dorm room a few weeks/months later I’m sure.

I made a Powerpoint for all my colleagues detailing my internship experience! It’s just a joke because everything we do is in Powerpoint so I thought I should do a farewell letter in ppt too haha

.

:)

Do you think they’ll offer me a job after this? wtf

141

Kaboom

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Hello, today I got into my first car accident FML

My first accident involving cars and not the usual stationary objects eg pillars and potted plants wtf

I just told this story to 3 other people, and everytime I retell it I feel stupider and stupider cause it’s the stupidest accident story I’ve ever heard in my entire lifetime. And before everyone starts panicking, no I’m totally fine! My limbs are still intact, I have no blood gushing out anywhere and I think I’m psychologically okay wtf.

Actually you have to hear my story first, cause once you hear it you’ll wonder why you bother 1. asking me if I’m okay, and 2. reading such a dimwit’s blog wtf

So this is a highly dramatic version of what happened:

I was cruising along the road at 40km/h at most when I stopped at the traffic light. I forgot to put my gear to neutral, I was trying to pick something up from the floor when my foot accidentally got off the brake and BOOM went the two colliding cars. So it was a very very minor hit but I don’t know why the crash was louder than usual. Anywayyy, this is the stupid part. Are you ready to hear it???

So I didn’t know what to do next but I realized I should probably get my car to stop touching his car so I reversed. (at this point my friends went “AND YOU REVERSED INTO ANOTHER CAR?!” hold your horses my dears, because I’m not thatttt stupid ok.)

The guy pointed to the side, indicating that we should park at the side of the road to check the damages. I nodded vigorously, removed my foot from the brake and FORGOT THAT MY GEAR WAS STILL IN REVERSE.

BOOM went the two colliding cars wtf.

At this point I was ready to just take my shotgun from under my seat and shoot myself right there and then, except that I don’t have a shotgun and I still want to live and have kids wtf

So, all three cars stopped at the side and I got down looking all apologetic and remorseful with big wet eyes. A BIG burly indian guy stepped out from the front car and another BIG chinese guy stepped out of the other car. At this point I really wished I had a shotgun…

They looked at me, looked at their cars and both of them waved their hands and told me to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I lucky or what!!!!!!!!!!!

You’ll never ever hear me say this again ever but, thank god I’m a girl and thank god my skirt is quite short today WTF

So the end that’s all. I then went to the petrol station to inspect my car and found out that my hood can’t be closed now T___T and it might cost around RM500 to repair it T_______________T

Maybe I won’t repair it as testament to my utter stupidity so I can see it everyday and question my own existence wtf

Thank you indian dude who has a big Manchester United bumper sticker, sorry I broke your number plate and scratched your car! Thank you chinese dude who although looks scary but is actually very kind-hearted! I’ll repay you guys in another lifetime wtf

The end, for realz.

59

Why you so like that

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Sorry guys, MIA again cause I’m in Boston and there is just soooo much stuff to do. So much Malaysian love it’s crazy! I finally realized that I can never be in my element and be my full self if I’m not around Malaysians. Why ah!!

Eh why you all never comment in my previous post ah I spent so much time talking about my idea of gender equality and uploading my camwhore pictures wtf

***

Why you so like that, why you so like that.

You say you don’t like pretty girls I also don’t know why. But when you see a pretty girl your voice go damn high!!

Why you so like that..and why you so like that.

101

Everybody’s got something to hide except me and my monkey

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Hello everyone! I’m le back in my le college! I’m adding le in my sentences in an effort to sound more French cause I’m le tired so I should sleep THEN FIRE ZE MISSILES! wtf it’s an inside joke from youtube’s End of Ze World.

Anyway, I’m back! First day of classes went fine except that it’s slowly dawning upon me that I’ll die before I can finish my requirements for a double major. I’m taking three highest level classes now and I have to write well, not much, about 150-200 pages in total which is you know, totally do-able. I have 10 hours of lab a week, on top of lectures and discussions already. Totally do-able sap sap water *waves hand dismissively but with knees wavering at the same time wtf

Serious academic stuff aside, I’m pretty happy being back so far. It’s good to come back to this intellectually stimulating place that constantly pushes me far beyond what I think I’m capable of. This is going to be a good semester, I can tell already :)

Ok pictas to lessen the boringness of this post!

MK, a very very kind reader, mailed me these goodies last month! As you can see, it’s really a biggg box filled with all kinds of random japanese snacks and products. Thank you so much! I love love love the post-it notes attached to everything explaining what they are. I especially love the heated eye masks! ^_^

Audrey bought me this key necklace from japan! It’s such an apt gift cause my previous key pendant lost some diamantes already. Loveee it so much!

One fine day when it was cold as hell and I was damn brave to just wear this *smug

AHAHHAHA BARRY’S FACE HAHAHA! his eyes are like you know the cartoon eyes! Don’t know how to explain but they look exactly like that!

my stupid face not stupid also =.=

let’s zoom in on barry’s face shall we wtf

HAHAHHA don’t know look like what wtf. I tried doing this but I don’t think it’s humanly possible to make your cheeks so bloated..at least not for me

(i bet some of you tried doing this nyehehe)

ok ok a normal picture of him, although he looked surprised here

ok tell you an embarrassing story but you must promise not to tell anyone wtf

So..I saw this dress and it was 50% off BUT the only size left was US size 0. I’m a US size 4 so it’s impossible to fit into this dress but I thought haih just try lah maybe I did lose weight *delusional wtf

I tried putting it on but had some troubles but I thought nevermind must be more determined WTF don’t see myself this determined when it comes to looking for internships also wtf

Then tada! it fit! hallelujah! but it didn’t look that amazing so I wanted to take it off…but I couldn’t!!!!!!!!!

no..matter…how..hard…i..tried.

Seriously trying hard is an understatement of how I struggled to get out of that dress. I almost tore my flesh!!!!!!!!! I was contemplating asking Barry to come in with a pair or scissors or just go out with this dress and buy it right there and then. But again, my determination kicked in, stronger than ever. No way I’m gonna spend $10 on a dress I’m going to rip off later!

Le finally, I took le dress off after tearing some of the skin and flesh from my hips T___T figure of speech lah it won’t be funny at all if I really did tear my skin and flesh off T____T go hospital with blood dripping down my legs and when the doctor asks why, I’d have to say in a matter-of-fact voice “oh no big deal, I tried taking a dress off” wtf

Stupid me, size 4 then size 4 lah want to pretend I’m size 0 for what!

So the end and the moral of the story is: lose some weight, then FIRE ZE MISSILES HAHAHHA GOD I’M SO FUNNY wtf cannot lah this joke not funny if you haven’t seen that video hahaha

p.s: guess who sang this song (without googling!)

296

Hungry ghost

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Yesterday something really strange happened to me!

I arrived at work an hour earlier  as usual cause Barry had to drop me off first before going to his office. I usually read in that hour but sometimes, I’ll take a nap. There’s this room with comfy sofa and that’s where I will leisurely take a nice long nap ^_^

Anywayyy, I was taking my usual nap yesterday when I heard noises outside. I went out and saw that one of my colleagues had arrived so I said hi and went back to sleep wtf. 5 minutes later, I heard her talking to someone else about nasi lemak and I tried to wake up but I couldn’t!!!!

Like I’m fully awake but I cannot open my eyes physically! So weird!

I tried for a few seconds then thought what the hell I’ll just go back to sleep wtf

So I slept again and woke up again 5 minutes later cause I heard people talking outside and I didn’t wanna sleep too long when all my colleagues had arrived. So I tried opening my eyes again and couldn’t!!!

Can you imagine the feeling?? It wasn’t like someone was pressing their fingers on my eyes, but my eyes just refused to open!

Then, like any other normal sane person, I started praying WTF

I sat up, crossed my legs, put my palms against each other and started going namotassa bhagavato cause that was the closest thing I know that sounded prayer-ish wtf

THEN guess what????? I could open my eyes again!!!!!!!!! Thank you Buddha!

HOW WEIRD IS THAT?? Must be a Buddhist ghost around me wtf

Then!

I went out and saw that all my other colleagues hadn’t arrived! Who did I hear talking about nasi lemak?? Maybe I was hungry wtf

Today I was so scared to come earlier but I didn’t have a choice and I really wanted to take a nap so I just slept.  Nap>ghosts

And guess what! No ghosts!  ^_^ wtf

35

Losing my religion

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I’ve been living the most monotonous life you can ever imagine. Such is the agony and ordeal of the working class. My life has been reduced to an endless cycle of being stuck in traffic jams and waiting to go home 12 hours later.

Where has my motivation flown to? What have become of all that drive and passion of wanting to help educate and empower women?

To be completely honest, there is nothing I want more than loitering in malls and hanging out with ‘friends’ now. (‘friends’, because they are nonexistent now — working has greatly reduced my social life to negative seventy point two-five, since I sleep way before my friends do and wake up when they go to bed).

Such is the despair faced by the working class.

Why aren’t there 4 working days instead of 5? What can you do in those 2 pathetic days you aren’t working anyway? Just catching up on sleep will already take up 1.5 days, which only leaves 0.5 days to do random stuff like watching the girls go by and catching flies with chopsticks.

I have not yet started working full-time  and I have already begun to get sick in the stomach just thinking about it. The more I type this, the harder I’m shuddering at the realization that there is now officially only 729 days and 21 hours before I start working for realz. Great I just wasted 2 minutes of that 729 days and 21 hours to do this math. Now there are only 729 days, 20 hours and 58 minutes left to enjoy my days as a student.

Lalalala.

Yesterday when I was showering as a student, I took an interest in this particular baby lizard which was happily loitering around the bathroom. As a student, I obviously freaked out and screamed, hoping that the shrill sound I emitted would be strong enough a decibel to knock the baby lizard off its daze.

The baby lizard (which was also really, really, black in color which happens to be an important fact to note because black lizards have black hearts and it was then a correct decision for me as a student to want to kill this baby lizard which is assumed to have an evil evil heart) then scurried away on its 4? tiny feet.

As a student, I had no choice but to assume the responsibility to rid this peaceful world of the baneful existence of these creatures. So I pointed my shower head at that lizard with an evil heart for I had no other form of weapon with me as I was caught in this battle unprepared.

The baby lizard with the black heart then tried to escape but the student in me was quick enough to turn off the shower, wrap the towel around myself, open the door and run as fast as I could to get the Shieldtox and sprayed a copious amount of the pesticide which is composed of prallethrin d-phenothrin tetramethrin (this is important because I’m still a student after all).

Where was I?

Oh, so I sprayed the Shieldtox on that heinous little monster until it got weak in its knees. AND THEN!!!! It had the cheek to use its invisibility cloak when I turned my head to scratch my back!!!!

I tell you, lizards, especially black ones, are the most cunning creatures on earth. I know that because I’m a student.

I gave up and continued showering and out of nowhere, the villain appeared again! It was already very weak by then so the kind hearted student in me decided to spare  its wicked life and so I just sprayed water on it until it went down the shower hole, back to where it truly belonged.

Being a student surely brings so much joy into my life. 729 days, 19 hours and 49 minutes left.

51

Kopi O

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SUPER FML SERIOUSLY

FMLFMLFMLFMLFML!

T___________________________________T

I don’t even want to talk about what happened cause it was so stupid!!! ARGH but anyway I will talk about it cause I’m still very angry at myself.

So you guys know I have an exam today right (8.30am to be exact)?

Yeah so I told myself that I’d spend the entire Friday studying and will take two exams on Saturday! Very ambitious!

And you know how when people want to study the whole day, they drink coffee right??

Yeah so I wanted to prove to myself and people that I’m so studious and hardworking that I’ll drink *gasp* coffee!! and study the night away! (I ended up watching grey’s anatomy, gossip girl and MDG the whole afternoon and only started studying at night but that’s beside the point wtf)

So that’s exactly what I did! I got a cup of coffee and drank half of it proudly and started studying, completely oblivious to the fact that I CANNOT drink coffee.

Yeah guess what happened?

I finished studying at 1.30am..and I tried studying more but I’ve already read everything like a million times!! so I went to bed…

and didn’t sleep until now.

now: 11am

ELEVEN A.M AS IN TEN HOURS LATER!!!!!!!!!!1

FML seriously! From 1.30am, I lay in bed praying that I’ll fall asleep ASAP but I was wide awake! Except that I wasn’t wide awake enough to study further but awake enough to not fall asleep. Don’t you just hate that???

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the stupid clock tower is so near my room that I can hear the stupid chime everytime an hour passes!

Ding dong ding dong, ding ding (2 am)

ding ding fucking ding (3 am)

ding ding fucking ding your head lah ding (4 am!!!)

repeat until 11am

NOT ONLY THAT, the girl upstairs was moving her stuff around until 4am???? Move dead body ar?????

GOT SOME MORE!!! at 4am, the birds started chirping and singing outside my window?????? This is not some fairytale/cinderella, don’t sing outside my window!!!!

And I couldn’t even take my exam at 8.30 cause my brain was so dead I didn’t even know the answer to 1+1! window ah? 1+1= window wtf

T____________T *kills self

Thank god my exams are all self scheduled, meaning you can take any paper any time in this 6 days so phewww. But I wanted to finish them early lah!

And this is ALL. MY. FAULT! Why oh why did I want to conform and act like I’m so studious I need coffee to stay awake when I don’t even need to T_T Coffee is evil! evil evil fluid that’s secretly attempting to take over the world by first keeping me awake for ten hours.

How leh it’s 11am now and I don’t feel sleepy but my brain is dead. and my exam is in 2 hours! Now I’m drinking as much water as I can to flush all the caffeine out but what if I fall asleep during exam! argh stupid suet stupid suet!