Happy things that have been making my very depressing week slightly better:

Having the time to read and just focusing solely on how the plot in the book thickens

Being alone in a very public area with lots of loud chatter – and to not only not mind but actually enjoy the solitude

Girly afternoon tea with my best friend who convinced me to screw my diet and just enjoy the taste of good red velvet cupcakes and macaroons while it lasts

Trying to inject colors to an otherwise dull lesson plan

How did you use to remember the colors of the rainbow? Mine was Michael Jackson Killed His Brother In USA hahaha poor MJ.

Well behaved kids who actually pay attention to everything I say

Making an otherwise boring topic like the convection of heat really fun. This is a mini homemade tornado!

Those pictures were taken with my Ipod touch and edited with Instagram, the rest of the pictures were taken with my camera.

Happy dainty earrings

Creative tag lines by an organization I’m extremely proud to be a part of

Today, we visited a school in Batang Kali for a half-day meet and greet session with 150 students and their parents. All 8 of us future teachers were quite nervous since it’s our first proper school visit where we actually have to interact with our students in full blown Malay since they almost don’t understand English at all.

This school is chosen for Teach For Malaysia fellows to be placed at for 4 weeks during our training, so we had to convince them kids that it’s REALLY fun and they should attend the “summer camp” even though it’s during their year-end holiday. I think we did a great job, cause they were all super enthusiastic at the end of the day! We also had to convince the parents, which wasn’t too hard since all we had to say was it’s FREE and they were sold.

We ran a one-hour long activity filled with games and basically drilling to them that learning can be fun and why education is important, and at the end of the day I was completely drained! Not only did I have to speak out really loud to get their attention (using my teacher voice, NOT to be confused with screaming like a lunatic), I’d also underestimated how absolutely tiring it is to speak in Malay. No idea how will I be able to have the energy to teach for one whole day if I already feel like dying after one hour T__T

But it was all completely worth it cos we were able to get the kids to be excited about school! They were probably just excited to see such young enthusiastic people as their teachers, so I hope they don’t hate us too much when we begin to make them work harder than they’ve ever worked before.

You know what, I think I’m going to really enjoy my next two years I foresee lots of “WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF???!” but I just have to tell myself that it’ll all be worth it. And it will be.

Hello all, I’m blogging to let you know that starting from tomorrow, I will be a normal person and not a bum anymore!

After my one month internship with TFM, I was travelling for a bit and was bumming A LOT (for 3 weeks to be exact). I did nothing at all for these 3 weeks, practically just eat shit sleep everyday. Watched a whole season and a half of 24 (love it!!! watch it if you want a fast-paced chair-gripping show which pushes you to think beyond what your ethical boundaries are), watched a little bit of Game of Thrones but stopped cause I “accidentally” read the whole synopsis so I know the ending is quite sad and I don’t want to depress myself wtf

For the next two months, I will be volunteering at a refugee school in Sentul. I really want to get teaching experience before I start Teach For Malaysia, but I won’t be paid for the next two months and I have to go alllll the way to Sentul so I hope I don’t chicken out! Anyone drives to Sentul from Subang? Boleh tumpang? Otherwise I’m taking KTM and it takes 2 hours *slits wrist

I’ve also been sleeping at 4/5am every night, so starting from tonight I have to sleep by 12am and I don’t quite know how to do it T___T It’s 1 am now and I feel like the night is still so young! I tried to trick my mind into thinking that it’s late by adjusting my watch to 4am but because I consciously adjusted the watch with a sane mind, the trick didn’t work wtf. Why I so stupid how to teach -____-

Random picture (actually not that random, I specifically wanted to put it here to show you that I am actually capable of smiling with my teeth! Whee! Very rare so must post up and pretend to call it “random” so it doesn’t appear that I’m vain and that I just cin cai found these pictures so might as well post them up)

Today I went to Fitness First cause I bought this monthly trial thing and the trainer used the machine to check my body composition and told me that..

she..she..told me *sobs hysterically* that… I…

I….*grabs tissues and blows into them*

that I….*makes loud blowing noise*

I have 30% body fats…

T______________T

The first thing she did after printing the paper out was made a very loud and noticeable gasp and said wow…

and I was like HUH why why tell me why am I dying wtf

and she said “30% is A LOT. Maximum for women should be 24%”

MAXIMUM is 24% and I have THIRTY percent body fats. That’s like obese or something already!!! ONE THIRD OF MY BODY IS COMPOSED OF FATS. Not vital organs, not bones, not skin, not muscles, but pure FATS. And all this while I kept consoling myself and told myself that I’m not fat, just big boned WTF

Actually I know it can’t be true and it’s a trick to get me to sign up, but what if I think it’s a scam and disregard it and it’s ACTUALLY true *slits wrist

I mean…I know I gained weight but this is very shocking. So I’ve decided to go to the gym everyday from now on but today I ate a fruit tart cause evil Julian forced it down my throat wtf. So tomorrow I’ll try harder to be more disciplined!! *game face on

That is all.

I’m finally going to blog about my Kuching trip a few weeks ago! These are only 1/3 of the pictures I took though. I’ve also been waiting to blog after Ramadhan cos 90% of my pictures are of food wtf

Anyway I really really enjoyed Kuching. Not as much as I loved Sabah, but a very close contender. The more I go to Borneo, the more I feel like I belong there more than in KL. I always feel like if any place is the true epitome of what I imagine Malaysia is all about, it’ll be East Malaysia. The perfect harmony between very different kinds of people, the breathtaking sights, the serenity with a slight but good blend of chaos, and the hunger for food and nature.

I was expecting lots of REAL cats, but I only saw one small kitteh the entire time I was there. All the other cats I saw were either statues or souvenirs -__-

The first thing I did when I was there was get my hands on some Kolo Mee. How can I not!!! I need to eat THE real kolo mee which I’ve been dreaming of ever since I planned to go Kuching! Will post pictures of food at the end of the post cause there are so many that I need to focus on them properly, also need to build up momentum for the climax!

The waterfront, which is one of my favorite places there. I really hope the river of life in KL will end up becoming like this cos it’s so beautiful! I heard it used to be quite dangerous here though, since the river separates the kampung from the city, and apparently people used to come over to rob tourists all the time..

The spectacular DUN building on the other side of the river, which probably costs more than it should and is placed ironically next to the atap houses of the kampung

If you do go to Kuching, make sure you take the sunset cruise down the river! It’s about RM19 for an hour and is super worth it. The sunset here wasn’t amazing for the first few days but we were lucky to catch the cruise at a good time to see this breathtaking view. The hour-long ride was also a great time to unwind since it’s so calming to hear nothing but the sound of the boat wading through the water and to feel the light breeze of the Borneo wind. That’s if a crocodile doesn’t try to jump on your boat and eat you up.

You can also get a sampan to cross the river for 40 cents, which we did a few times just for the joy of being on the sampan. I have decided that if I do move to Kuching and if I was rich, I’d buy a sampan and row up and down the river all day long *writes it on my Bucket List

Right across the river, there’s a kilang kek lapis that’s called….kilang kek lapis I think hahaha. Bought a few loaves here and loved them!

If you want to know which camera I used to take these pictures.. (an excuse. just so i can post camwhore pictures without looking like i’m posting them without a purpose wtf)

It’s an old Canon G10. There’s the G12 now which is super duper awesome cos it has the rotating screen which you can use to take a million pictures of yourself!!!! *hyperventilates

Carpenter Street, which is right behind Main Bazaar (across the waterfront). Right near this arch, there’s this awesome place that serves amazing pork satay!

I met up with Melissa and Daphne, who were extremely kind to bring me around for the entire day! We were at Bing Coffee, which is a very nice new-age coffee place from Kuching Bing, come to KL please, I’ve been looking for a nice hangout cafe here that’s not Starbucks or Coffee Bean but has better coffee than Oldtown. We need our own Malaysian breed of chill out coffee places, and more brownie points for you if you have board games and old mystery novels!

Tiramisu drink from Bing! Which is nice but a little too sweet for me

We went to Damai beach and stayed there for a night just to get away from the city. The beach is nice, but a little too deserted for our liking. We were supposed to stay at Damai Puri for two nights, which was scarily quiet and eerie, so we checked out the next day There were only like two other groups besides us, and there was absolutely nothing to do or eat.

It’s good that the Cultural Village is really close by the hotel, so we spent the next morning there!

This is uhh..rumah melanau *smart ass captain obvious

This is in Rumah Bajau I think. I saw the fire burning (fire burning fire burning on the dancefloor #lame) and asked the woman there what they’re cooking since theres nothing on top of the fire. She pointed to the top of the house, and said in a hush hush voice “see those skulls? we need to keep the fire to chase the evil spirits away from them”

Then I looked up and saw 3 skulls looking grimly at me.

!!!!!!!!

*pees in pants

We went for the cultural show next and this bottomless dude asked me up on stage to demonstrate the use of the blowpipe  -___- I was umm..a very good blower.

looking very pleased with self haha

Random: I’ve decided that I like this minimalist makeup the most. Just eyeliner on top and mascara I’m a grown woman now!

OKAY

TIME TO POST FOOD PICTURES!!!!

Are you excited?? Cause I am! These are the best Kuching food I’ve eaten, food that my kind guides brought me to eat, and food that I’ve found after tons of research. Most of them are also non-halal, sorry!

People in Kuching LOVE their food, that’s all they ever talk about and the pride is a little overwhelming at first. Whenever I tell Kuchingites I’m going to Kuching, they’d be all “you HAVE to eat this from this place, make sure you try this from that place, oh also this this that this YUMS”. My expectations of the food obviously were raised way beyond the bar, and I got very disappointed at first because I mean…I’ve found similar, if not better food in West Malaysia anyway.

But! Thank god I had amazing friends to bring me around and I found better food after that Otherwise I’d always moan about being deceived by Kuchingites for years to come. Thanks for bringing me around Eve, Kenny, Melissa and Daphne!

1. Kolo Mee

This is the first bowl of Kolo Mee I had and also the best. Kenny brought me to this place called KY Cafe at Sekama. If you’re staying near the city center, you can’t walk here so get a cab or something!

I had kolo mee at ten different places after that but this is definitely still the best. There are a few places at Jalan Pandungan that are okay too, but just not as good.

This is the other famous one at the Carpenter Street and Bishop Gate junction, it’s at a restaurant called Min Joo or something. Apparently it’s supposed to take up to an hour for them to serve you, but I was lucky cause I went around 2+pm and it was fairly empty. I was also alone, so maybe the uncle took pity of me and served me in ten minutes

2. Sarawak Laksa

Forgot to take picture, but surprisingly this is not one of my favorite dishes although it was undeniably pretty awesome. The best one I had was at Madam Tang’s (Carpenter street). The one at Chong Choon Cafe (Abell Road, have to go before 11am) which Kenny raves about is pretty good but the former is better for me, albeit more expensive.

3. Gong Pia

I love this the most, it’s a snack from Sibu which is basically just toasted sesame bun with marinated meat inside but it tastes soooo heavenly! Definitely a comfort food. This can be found at the Song Kheng Hai food court (stall no. 7 i think, at the back one) located behind Pandungan Road. It’s somewhere behind Bing Coffee.

I ate wayyy too much of this but I couldn’t stop myself T__T Now I can’t get them anywhere at all

4. Tomato Mee

This is really awesome as well. Basically it’s fried mee drenched in tomato sauce but why is it so goddamn good?!??! The best one was at Song Kheng Hai as well, it’s three stalls away from the Gong Pia stall.

5. Belacan Mee

This doesn’t look amazing but it’s quite unique. Soft noodles with belacan sauce and sotong, yums! Found this at Song Kheng Hai as well, can’t remember which stall but since I ate the Gong Pia so often, I’m now BFFs with the cute gong pia guy and he recommended this stall and the tomato mee stall to me. Can go ask him wtf

When you’re at this foodcourt, don’t forget to get this great refreshing drink! It’s sugar cane + coconut, an ingenious mix that drink stalls in KL should adopt. From stall 1.

6. Midin

Midin is my favorite vegetable dish in Kuching! It’s a locally grown type of fern that tastes great with belacan. This is the cold midin salad from Bla Bla Bla, also quite good. Bla Bla Bla is a pretty expensive restaurant but has amazing food with HUGE servings, do give it a try!

7. Kueh Chap

This is something I actually didn’t like but was highly recommended. It’s soup with noodles and pork intestines (which I don’t eat, maybe that’s why). It’s ok lah, prefer bak kut teh

8. Sio Bee

Ok sorry but totally not a fan of this. It’s like meatball/siu mai and can be found at open air market.

Dessert time!

9. White Lady

Absolutely in love with this!! Also probably the reason why I didn’t lose weight despite walking 4-5 km a day wtf

Basically it’s just a mixture of fruits, ice and evaporated milk with a slice of lemon but it’s realllllllly good. Found the best one at open air market.

10.Matterhorn

Probably the weirdest dessert name ever. It’s like ice kacang, but without kacang, syrup, evaporated milk and red bean…. Actually I guess it’s nothing like ice kacang at all except that it also has ice hahahahha I’m so dumb.

It’s a sour dessert, has fruits, cendol, ice, pandan and lemon. Very refreshing and probably not very fattening

Got this from Hui Sing foodcourt, but don’t ask me how to get there. Not walking distance from city center.

11. Umm..cakes?

Got this triple layer chocolate cake from the shop next to Bing at Pandungan, can’t remember the name..Tom’s or something? Anyway it’s pretty orgasmic and quite light, definitely try it!

Strawberry cheese and masam manis kek lapis from that kilang kek lapis across the river. I loved both flavors but couldn’t finish them at all, so don’t buy too much of them!

—

Actually I think that’s all! It’s a pretty comprehensive list if I must say so myself *pats self

I also went to the Orang Utan rehabilitation center (MUST GO!!!!) and Bako National Park for some more outdoorsy fun but I didn’t get to go to the caves My next trip to Sabah and Sarawak will definitely include Mount Kinabalu and the Mulu caves.

I thought to myself that once I finish Teach For Malaysia and if I do want to continue teaching, I will definitely choose to teach in East Malaysia. There’s just this very peculiar charm and something very unique about this place that’s so appealing to me but I don’t really know how to describe it! It seems so different from the rest of Malaysia, but is also essentially very Malaysian.

On that note, Selamat Hari Raya and Happy Merdeka everyone! I’m truly glad to be home for this Merdeka, and hopefully for many more Merdekas to come

I don’t normally put song lyrics up, but I’ve been listening to Pink Floyd’s songs on repeat the past few days and I realized that I will never find another band that has such brilliant lyrics ever again. Then I got very depressed and emotional, as I always am, because that means I have to resign to the fate of our current generation and listen to crap music for the rest of my life.

This is from their song “Time” :

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it’s sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you’re older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I’d something more to say.

Don’t know about you, but the lyrical poignancy left me feeling quite dumbstruck for a few minutes. “Noone told you where to run, you missed the starting gun / So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it’s sinking”

Anyway, aside from mulling over deep meaningful lyrics, I’ve also been bawling my eyes out watching Grave of the Firelies. It’s a Japanese animation about two orphans during world war II and it’s extremely depressing but very very well made. I highly recommend it (if you’re not on the brink of suicide, cause after watching it you’ll definitely feel like you’re not worthy of living T__T).

I also rewatched a few Miyazaki films recently – Princess Mononoke, Totoro, Castle in the Sky, Kiki. All his movies, despite being cheerful and meaningful, always leave me feeling…nostalgic and blue. It’s weird, I think I’m just a very emotional person deep inside, which is weirder cause I used to be such a cheerful person. Maybe got bad fengshui wtf

Since I’m currently bumming around, I thought I’d spend some time stimulating my brain so I don’t fall into the dark abyss of being unintelligent and un-opinionated, and started watching some video lectures by this Harvard professor. It’s a series of lectures on Philosophy, so if you’ve always been interested in issues like ethics, political philosophy and justice, then this is a great start!

Even if you’re not interested, I still think you should watch it. We should definitely do away with subjects like Moral and Civics in school and start teaching Philosophy, so that we are taught to think for ourselves and to nurture our own moral principles, instead of TELLING people how to be a good person and a good citizen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBdfcR-8hEY&feature=relmfu – Have fun!

That’s it for now, feeling melancholic a bit hard to blog unless I start churning out some boring serious post again..and I think we’ve had enough of that for now.

Just got back from a great trip to Kuching yesterday! Everytime I tell people I was going to Kuching for a week, they’d go “one week?? what’s there to do there!”. There’s SO MUCH to do in Kuching! First of all, there’s the food, food, food, food, and food. It took me about 5 days before I started finding the real gems (thanks to my local guides!). There’s the forests and mountains and beaches and seas and rivers and wildlife and just SO MUCH to do! I didn’t even get to spend time in the caves, so I’ll definitely be back in Sarawak again

I know I promised a funny post, but I really can’t think of anything funny to talk about T___T I think I just have to succumb to my fate and accept the reality that I no longer have a sense of humor.

*tries hard to think of one last parting funny sentence
Umm, yo mama so fat that..umm..she, umm.
*fails

Oh wait, I know! I AM FAT AND STUPID! Hahaha when all else fails, self-deprecating humor always works. And remember, as long as there’s one person who laughs at your jokes and even if that one person is you yourself, it means you’re funny. Wise words by Suet Li Liew.

Anyway, I have tons of pictures!!!! Super excited to post them first so the next post can be all about Kuching

Continuation from my UK post:

Pubs are a big thing in England and we ate at a pub almost every night when we were there. Why? Cause they are the cheapest (Under 6 pounds) Here, you can see the usual clientele at a pub – angry and grumpy bald white men wtf

Ah slutty British girls going pub-crawling at 5 pm, what’s there not to love about this place?

Went to the countryside! Isn’t this beautiful?? Reminds me of Lijiang in China and Kundasang in Sabah, both my favorite places in the world.

Cows grazing under the great blue sky. Koki, my japanese friend from Hong Kong, once told me this story that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. Out of the blue, he excitedly told me that if you put your hand into a cow’s mouth, it’ll chew at it and you’ll feel super good WTF. He said you won’t feel the cow’s teeth and you’ll feel this soft melty sensation all over and it feels orgasmic. I couldn’t help laughing the entire time cause it sounds damn stupid, and he was telling me this while putting on this super syok expression on his face  -___-

But in all seriousness, after he told me that, it’s been my lifelong dream to put my hand into a cow’s mouth. I almost did it in Lijiang but I was so worried that the cow will actually gnaw my hand off!!! Doesn’t help that Koki was right there giving me his super syok face that is both tempting and cunning at the same time. What if he was lying to me! Pretend to encourage me but actually want to laugh when I get bitten. Cannot trust Japanese men wtf

HAHAHA I FOUND A PICTURE OF KOKI WITH THAT STUPID FACE!!!

Ok it’s stupider than this, but can you imagine  -____-

Sigh one day..you and me, cow..one day.

Ah so pretty! On the way to my house

My house and uh, strangers walking around

Me posing outside my house

My back garden

With my mom. Thank you thank you, my house IS quite lovely

I can sit here all day

Okay I think that’s all from my UK trip! Today I had too much time on my hands and I found some random pictures I haven’t posted before, so here they are:

Ah my beloved Shanshan and I on one of our last days together.

I miss her so much T____T Can’t believe it’s been almost three months after our graduation!

Here’s a picture to show you the wonders of makeup! My right eye was so much bigger just with eyeliner alone!

Anyway my hair is crazy long now!

Can even curl it too

And to think that my hair was still boyish short less than 7 months ago.

Last picture!

I’m gonna blow this picture up, print it and put it right in front of me to remind myself that if I don’t stop eating and start exercising, then it’s a slippery slope from here on wtf.

No way I want to go back to being fat again, it was a complete zaman kegelapan dalam hidup suet li T___T *memories of friends singing “suet li suet li sangat gemuk, makan makan jadi lagi gemuk!” to the tune of mat kool mat kool kawanku song come flooding back

Alright that’s all for now! I’m going to try to sleep before 3 am so I don’t fall into that unemployed bum cycle wtf

Hello from the Cat City! I’ve been here for about 5 days now and I have really begun to fall in love with this somewhat sleepy town I think I’ve probably walked every street near the waterfront and my legs are going to fall off any minute now.

I’m also going on a crazy food hunt to find the best food in Kuching! Almost every Kuchingite I’ve spoken to tells me that their food is the BEST but frankly I’ve been quite disappointed kolo mee is pretty awesome because it’s such a homely comfort food but everything else is just..meh. Maybe I’ve gone to the wrong places!

Anyway I’m going to leave Kuching for Damai tomorrow so let’s hope I find better food today!

Will definitely post the pictures later, need to do more exploring today. I kept thinking to myself that if I do continue teaching in public schools, I would definitely choose Sarawak or Sabah as my next destination. There’s just this very strong charm about Borneo that appeals to me. Sigh I love my country so much *suddenly get all teary and patriotic wtf

Also, today I’m alone! What’s the best thing to do in Kuching when you’re traveling alone? I have the whole day until Alex returns tonight! Contemplating either venturing into the other side of the river to the Malay kampungs to walk around but I heard it’s a little unsafe? Maybe I’ll just do the museums and souvenir-shopping today. Or find a nice cozy coffee place and read.

Have a great day ahead everyone!

Yes, I finally decided to do something about my incessant complaints about my weight gain and went to the gym for the first time in months yesterday! Woohoo!!

While I gingerly pressed the buttons on the treadmill in the gym (I live in an apartment), I noticed a girl staring at me from afar. She was by the door, curiously sticking her head in to get a small peek at what I was doing. I smiled at her while she walked nervously and stood right next to me. She was one of the cleaners, as I noticed from her uniform. I didn’t know if I should continue running, or ask her if something was wrong, so I said hello kak, sihat?

She was taken aback but asked if she could stand there and watch me, for she has never seen how the machines work before and has never dared to ask. I said sure, but inside I was getting a little annoyed. I mean, how am I going to run when someone’s watching me?? After two minutes, I was already panting and sweating and there she was, still staring wide-eyed at the treadmill and me.

Then there was a man’s voice some distance away and she scurried away immediately, mumbling something about how she’d better get back to work. About fifteen minutes after when I’d moved on to lifting weights instead, she came in again, this time with another cleaner friend in tow. They both smiled widely and stared at me pulling the handlebar down, and gasped when it made a somewhat loud clang when I was done with it. I asked if they wanted to try too, and told them how it works and which muscles I was using. They got excited when they heard me speaking in fluent Malay, and started chatting with me while I moved on to the other machines.

It was a short conversation but I couldn’t believe how fast they’d warmed up to a complete stranger who was merely trying to tell them how to lift weights! The other girl was 17 while the first one was my age, and they were both from Kelantan. They came to KL because they were lousy at school and they thought there wasn’t a point in continuing anyway. “Buang masa je kan kat sekolah, mak bapak kata baik cari kerja”. I told them very cautiously that going to school increases their chances of getting a better job, to which they disagreed politely. “Ramai kawan kite orang habis sekolah pun sama je, buat kerja sapu sampah, cuci tandas semua, asalkan dapat duit lah. Kite bukannya macam orang KL, pandai cakap English, pandai jadi doktor”

Here I was lifting my 20-pound handlebar, listening to these two girls telling me their stories so candidly, and I was left completely dumbfounded. The younger girl had to go back to work, and before she left she said “akak ni baik dan peramah lah, biasanya orang tak layan pun, nanti kite borak lagi ye” which hit me with guilt like a ton of bricks. I usually never speak to the cleaners before, and this was only because I was getting uncomfortable with them staring at me!

Meanwhile the other girl was still accompanying me while I continued running on the treadmill. I had gotten used to her, so I was still chatting with her while I almost died climbing a hill at 6km/h. Sweat was dripping everywhere, I was panting like a dog, my eyesight was blurring up, and there she was saying “cepat sikit! boleh lagi! 5 minit lagi!” T______T what did I do to deserve such kindness and moral encouragement from someone I just met an hour ago?

When I was done, she wiped the machine clean since I had obviously deposited a lot of bodily fluid all over it wtf. I told her I have to go, and she said bye cheerfully and asked me when I would come to the gym again. “Insha’allah esok!” but I never went today cos my legs were too sore and I was busy

I just wanted to jot this down because it was probably one of those AHA! moments for me. Aha! I knew I was doing Teach For Malaysia for the right reason, how can people think that kids in KL are smarter, and that there’s no point to school because they will still work as a cleaner after anyway? Aha! I might have wasted more time talking to them than actually working out, but it was a conversation I will never give up for anything. Aha! being fluent in Malay comes in handy after all

-

I really hate to be overselling Teach For Malaysia, but I wholeheartedly believe in their cause and mission. As someone who comes from a somewhat more privileged background, from a middle-class family that lives in a pretty adequate suburbia that’s within driving distance to everything I ever need, it’s easy to bitch about what the country is lacking and to nitpick on every flaw we have. But I also realize that we have grown so far apart from many of our fellow Malaysians who live in this very same country we’re in. Malaysians who are barely surviving, and here we are complaining while we drive nice cars and have meals in restaurants.

I think this dawned upon me the most when I was google mapping the school that I’m going to teach for the next two years. I’ve been an ardent google map user, but I’ve always only used it to see how I can get to Bangsar, or Damansara. I realized that zooming out of Klang Valley, there really isn’t much and roads become a lot less connected (in fact, only one main road in Gemas). So, when I say the government should do this and that for me, am I thinking about people from these places? They are Malaysians too, but who is speaking out for them? Do we know what they want, or do we even care? Frankly, I have never thought of that before. I’ve been so self-absorbed in this whole pursuit of a better country for ME, for people who are like ME, and it’s so easy to entrap ourselves in this Klang Valley bubble. (sorry I’m digressing a little here)

I’m really interested to know why these two young girls said there wasn’t a point in going to school, was it because they come from families who didn’t think it was possible to be successful? was it because they don’t have someone to look up to? Most importantly, was it because they had teachers who never once told them that despite where they come from, they can achieve success, just like the “smarter people in KL”? (remind self to ask them tomorrow when I go to the gym, which I WILL BE *gung ho)

I have heard first-hand teachers saying that about their students. “There’s no hope for these students, the best thing we can do is keep them out of trouble”. No, there’s no hope for them because no one told them that they can do it. No one has believed in them, or told them that there’s no excuse to not do well because of their origin and socio-economic background.

I have had the privilege to not just go to a university, but a university abroad nonetheless. Many many other Malaysians out there might not even go to a university (in fact, 4 out of 5 working Malaysians are only educated up to SPM level) so education inequity is definitely well and alive. Although I have not seen it in my bubble, I know it’s there so it’s about time I acknowledge it. To be honest, if anything, I feel quite ashamed. Ashamed because I had wanted to leave this call of urgency behind, leave my country behind.

Ok I realize it’s been a long post, and to you it might have been a whole lot of fluff and nonsense but it’s something I believe in so just entertain me lah haha.

On a completely different note, I wonder how I suddenly became this serious person that I am. I was reading my old posts and I used to be so funny T__T. My resolution for the next few months is to get back my sense of humor, and I’ll start by googling for jokes so watch out for a funny post next wtf

And my sister is now a graduate too! very proud of her *sniff

Although her favorite phrase ever is “yeah I’ll never be as good, I’m a lousy kid who has the middle child syndrome”, she’s really a lot more mature now and I’m so glad that she’s extremely happy too! She’s going to be looking for a job in Leeds and would probably stay there for some time though

That concludes my trip here in the UK, will be heading home tomorrow. I’ve only been away from home for about 9 days and yet it somehow feels like forever! When I get back, I have to figure out what I want to do for the next 3 months before my training starts.

I’m going to be volunteering at a school but my mom is not happy that I’ll be unemployed without income, so looks like I’ll have to work part time somewhere too. Know any job that gives you quick income legally? wtf